Friday, November 25, 2016

Diary of a renaissance negresse

Dear Friends,

Okay, so apparently I'm supposed to write this thing (and/or blog) a lot more often.

I really enjoyed Thanksgiving. I'd rented a hotel room for both Wednesday and Thursday and just relaxed, and got lots of much-needed sleep. I'd been looking forward to ordering delivered Chinese food on Thanksgiving night, but by the time I finished my tasks and called around it was 9:30pm. By 9:53 I had exhausted all efforts as all 4 of the Chinese restaurants the hotel had menus for were closed.

My only remaining option was to order pizza. I chose instead to go to bed with an empty stomach, probably the healthiest thing I've done to my stomach in over a year. So, I didn't overeat for Thanksgiving dinner! I figured better to get another night's sleep in. If I ate late, I'd go to sleep late and on a full stomach. Not good. I'm glad I was kind to myself.

I realized yesterday that all my money in the past 8 months or so have come from my music. Mostly online music sales (Spotify and CD Baby mostly.) It's so interesting to me how I can be constantly feeling or thinking I don't have enough and worried about how to make a living doing what I love when I've been doing it all along and not knowing it. Or maybe not doing it enough.

I have a gig tonight and I've done nothing to promote it. Why is that? I think it's because I was busy focusing on other more urgent things. But now I'm seeing that if music is my livelihood, then nothing is more urgent.

Maybe because it's my gift from God that I should treat it as if nothing is more urgent.

But it's tempting because I really do have major life skill issues and challenges that demand my attention. I know that I'm fortunate enough to be able to do both things. I know that I can take care of my basic survival needs AND do what I need to do to perform and do advance promotion for my performances. To write songs and record them, and do advance promotion for them.

I've never been good at advance promotion of my music. Why is that? I think it's because I never made it a priority. I think I've always assumed it was that I was weak at that and should just delegate the task to someone else who can do it for me. But then I never stuck to the task of finding someone else - all of my efforts have been half assed.

But then, as a persun living with bipolar disorder and trauma-related issues that seriously impact myself, it becomes overwhelming to give my music the proper attention it needs. I have so much to do to just get by day to day being least harmful to myself and others.

Today I am immensely grateful for much, including the things that help me feel inspired and inspire others along the way - these things are therapeutic for me, and include my posts on Facebook and Twitter, my Free 24hr Inspiration Line (215-552-8850), and my Wisdom Magazine monthly or semi-monthly articles at At you can read those and other articles. Mine feature various topics, including my special features Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us (dating and relationships for the polyamorous, recovering, survivor, and tantric), and Living with Bipolar Disorder (today I submitted my article for December, which is about reconciling loss. I am very excited about it!)

I am writing in my journal every day about various topics.

It feels really good to experience things, and figure out ways to feel better about them, or handle them better, then post online my writings and receive positive feedback about them. Often just releasing the work is enough. I certainly don't do it for the feedback, but the feedback lets me know it's helping someone, and that's an immense reward for me.

Something I'm very happy about is that my ring fits. I have one ring these days and I love it. It hasn't always fit me, depending on my weight, and even though I'm heavier now than I've been lately, somehow the ring has been fitting most days. That makes me happy because it shows that I'm not doing so badly in my eating and lack of exercise as I thought.

Well, I'd love to write more but I have to get my guitar and pack up my CDs and leave soon to go sing for people and bless their hearts with the gift the Good Lord gimme :)

Hope you're being good to yourself today, 'cause who else is more important to do it? No one but you! Everything else is extra!

In art and community,



Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website:

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