Friday, June 9, 2017

Cried at My Poetry Reading Last Night (1st Time)!

So, I cried at my poetry reading last night... Sobbed while I was reading this poem. It was great! I haven't cried at one of my readings ever. And I have only ever cried at one of my concerts... When I was singing "Letters from Heaven". 
Anyway, here is the poem that made me cry, and see my comments for the order info if you'd like the chapbook it's in ("secrets & lies: poetry and other words"). Hope you have a great day, and check out my Free, 24-hour Inspiration Line at 215-552-8850... I've been updating it daily!
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Dear Chest, Stomach, and Heart: I'm Sorry

Mar 14, 2016

by Cassendre Xavier

Dear chest, stomach, and heart
I'm sorry
I'm sorry I don't have control of my eating

And I've hurt you so much over the last few days
Even though I know I ought not
I ate heavy, fatty foods I knew would strain you
And hurt you
And make you cry

I'm sorry
I'm sorry I cannot control my eating
And that I have not been able to since I was a child
I know that I have been this way since I was very small
And 27 years of twelve-step "programming" didn't help, either

I'm sorry
I'm sorry I cannot control my eating
As I type at this computer
Completely bent over from the pain
In my chest, stomach and heart
I'm sorry

I'm sorry I ate not one but two large
Chocolate bars today
And no fruit whatsoever
I'm sorry
I'm sorry I drank a fraction of the amount
Of water I ought to drink every day
Especially given my size, my weight
And the prescription drugs I'm putting you through
Will you forgive me?
Can you forgive me?

The angels tell me you already have
And that, being Nature, you cannot help
But to do your job
You work for me
You work for god
You work for Goddess who leads him

I thank you, chest
I thank you, stomach,
And I thank you, heart
For being with me and working for us
Each day, whether I am giving you much to work with
Or not
Whether I am going easy on you
Or not

I thank you, chest
I thank you, stomach,
And I thank you, heart

I continue to try
And pray to do better
The angels tell me to recognize my progress
Not be hard on myself
And focus on things getting better for me in all ways
Including my gentle treatment of you
And all who work for me
I now focus on the gentle treatment of myself
And I recognize my progress:

Other than when I go "off the wagon" I eat more healthfully
Every year that passes
It is my progress that makes me notice
When I've done badly
It is my progress that has raised my standards for myself
It is my progress that allows me to write this blog
Because I know I am healing
I know I'm getting better, even though I still do things
That make me want and need to say
I'm sorry.

© 2016 Copyright by Cassendre Xavier. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to share this ethically as long as the previous credit and following web address are included: www (dot) cassEndrExavier (dot) wordpress (dot) com

"Dear Chest, Stomach, and Heart I'm Sorry" appears in the chapbook "secrets & lies: poetry and other words" by Cassendre Xavier. For order info, please visit web address above, email cxwriting(at)gmail (dot) com, or send an SASE (self-addressed, stamped envelope) to Cassendre Xavier, c/o Bindlestiff Books, 4530 Baltimore Ave, Philadelphia, PA 19143-3705, USA. Oh, and enjoy the Free, 24-hour Cassendre Xavier Inspiration Line at 215-552-8850!
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ARtivist Publications

Print and Ebooks by Cassendre Xavier available for sale:

1) secrets & lies: poetry and other words (Original release 2005, Re-issued with new poems added June 2017) 
Postpaid printed chapbook (booklet): $7, Ebook: $5

2) Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Dating & Relationships for the Polyamorous, Recovering, Survivor & Tantric (October 2015)
Postpaid print: $7, Ebook: $5

3) A Survivor Speaks: On Bipolar Disorder, PTSD & Recovery (June 2017)
Postpaid print: $7, Ebook: $5

Methods of Payment:
Check or US Postal Money Order: PAYABLE to CassEndrE Xavier, and mailed to: Cassendre Xavier, 4530 Baltimore Ave, Philadelphia PA 19143-3705

Please allow up to 48 hours for delivery of the ebook(s) and 2-4 weeks for delivery of the chapbooks.


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


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