Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Wishing you a day full of little accomplishments

"I hope You have a very positive day full of little accomplishments."  -from my very special trainee. (I share that sentiment with you!)

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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Monday, August 21, 2017

100 Questions

So I did this silly little survey in case someone would think it would be fun to read/ Enjoy and click the link at the end if you would like to do one as well :)

Name?: It depends
Nicknames?: It depends
Age?: Quite youthful 48
Single/Taken?: Polyamorous 
Are you happy with that?: Yes
How many kids do you want to have?: None at this time
What would you name them?: N/A
Do you have a best friend?: Close friend
Are they a guy/chick?: Male
Do they like you more than a friend?: It's coomplicated
Do you drink?: No
Do you like to party?: No
Do you smoke?: No
What do you smoke?: Nothing
Have you ever been in LOVE?: Yes
Do you believe in love?: Yes
Have you ever had your heart broken?: Yes
Who was your last boyfriend/girlfriend?: My current nesting companion
Are you happy that you are no longer together?: We still are, in a sense
Do you hate him/her for that?: Mixed feelings
What is your favortie band/singer?: Sade
What is your favorite song?: My song "Run to You"
What is your favorite movie?: Flashdance
What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?: butter anything with the nuts picked out
What is your favorite color?: fuchsia
Who is your best friend?: Myself
Do you know everything about them?: Hardly!
How many siblings do you have?: Classified
Are you happy with that?: Yep
What are you listening to right now?: TV
What was your last drink?: water
Who was your last kiss?: My nesting companion
Who was your last hug from?: nesting companion
What is your favorite food?: mangoes
Do you have more guy/girl friends?: I don't have friends, I have submissives, partners,colleagues, and creative collaborators, etc
Would you date any of your friends?: My lovers are my friends
Is this survey getting on your nerves?: Not really :)
What was the last thing you watched on T.V?: Snapped
Do you know who E.T is?: Yes
Do you believe in aliens?: A little
Do you believe that all cheaters will always be cheater?: Yes
Do you believe in dying becasue of lost love?: Not clear enough a question
Have you ever had someone close to you die?: Yes
What was his/her name?: There have been several
How did you know one another?: We met various ways
Have you ever "Jump shake your booty, Jump, Jump shake your booty"?: Nnnnnnope!
What kind of cell phone do you have?: ZTE Android
Who was your last txt from?: My nesting companion
Your second?: ?
Your fifth?: ?
Your ninth?: ?
What did you last txt say?: No
Your second?: ?
Your fifth?: ?
Your ninth?: ?


One or the other...not both...

pepsi/coke?: Pepsi
white/cream chocolate?: white/cream
love/lost?: love
money/love?: love
friends/money?: friends
family/friends?: friends
pens/pencils?: pens
Hawthorne Heights/Atreyu?: ?
Lindsay Lohan/Hilary Duff?: Neither
All Time Low/AFI?: ?
computer/music?: computer
camera/computer?: computer


RANDOM!!!

last person you slept with?: My nesting companion 
last person you ate with?: nesting companion
last person you hit?: I don't hit people
last person you cried over?: My late partner
last person you hugged?: nesting companion
last person you kissed?: nesting companion
last person you said "I LOVE YOU" to?: Myself, hugging in the mirror
did you mean it?: Heavens yes!
probably not right?: Wrong, I did mean it
last relationship lasted?: Still in it - over a year
last hookup lasted?: Same thing - over a year
last party was where?: Several years if at all


ONE WORD...to describe...

last party was:: nonexistent
band:: Mine
needles:: sharp
spaghetti:: yummy
flyleaf:: ?
senses fail:: ?
ll cool j:: smart
rap:: revolutionary
rock:: cool
metal:: cold
love:: essential
relationships:: valuable
school:: education
work:: --
cell phones:: --
boyfriend/girlfriend/alone:: partners
this survey:: --
friends:: chosen




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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Diary of a renaissance negresse 8/21/17

My stomach hurts today/ Oh, and forgive the strange punctuation as it may have missing letters and symbols/ My tablet keyboard is tempermental/ 
 I am eating too much food and not drinking enough water. Welcome to my lifelong eating disorder :)

 But sooooo much to be grateful for. I am really happy where I live. I tell myself that we don't really have anything permanently so it doesn't have to be so bad that this is temporary.

 Everything in life is temporary. This reminds me of my late partner Tom's telling me once that everything is trash. I wrote a Wisdom article about it, with the same title. Everything ends up as trash, which came up when I was lamenting spending money on fancy wrapping paper, because it ends up in the trash anyway :)

 I am grateful for the cozy TV shows I get to enjoy every day on the Hallmark Movies & Mysteries channel: Monk, Matlock, Diagnosis Murder, and of course Columbo!

I am grateful that I am relaxed about how I am doing everything, from how I am spending my money to how I am organizing the festival this year. "Everything's going to be okay" is my daily  mantra and affirmation

All I need to do is remember that I am living and doing what I want to do, aware that there are consquences and that I am prepared to deal with them. 

There are so many things I "should" do and feel badly for not doing: Release regular updates on my GoFundMe campaign and newsletter list. 

For two weeks in a row I have been meaning to go to my storage unit and get my blender so I can make green smoothies again. Rather than beat myself up about it Isee the progress. I have a plan, I tried, I bought a TransPass twice, and bought collards to go along with the plenty of bananas that I buy every day. I see my progress.

One thing I am soooo happy about is my involvement at FetLife! I am writing a lot there, which is what I joined to do. I know I lose a lot of followers because I post a lot and every time you do something there it shows up in your activity feed. I lead several groups, some of which I created and own myself,and each update there also shows up in my feed/
I'm sure people are unfollowing me because I'm taking up too much space in their newsfeed and they want to see their other friends' post/ But I'm fine with that because first of all I'm not gong to post less and secondly whoever really wants to see what I'm posting can always just visit my profile/ Easy peasy!

I had my first dream of hell the other night/ I was trapped in a room with one of the two cats I live with, whose back leg was broken and dragging, and I couldn't even pet her because she was in so much pain/ The room looked like one of those kidnapping rooms, empty except for matress on the floor, and dank. Door totally locked and orange hell-like light outside/ Perpetual dusk outside, and a strange kind of quiet/It felt so real and horrifying, knowing I could never leave that room unless someone from hell opened it on the other side. Oh, and in that room with me was a large black gorilla sitting on the floor against the wall, with his head in his hands, very dejected/

As I dreamt I felt as if I might be dead and was urgently trying to get awake, to be alive again/ I was begging for the opportunity to not be dead, to not be in hell/ I got up and was so thankful to see a different scenario- the surroundings I am used to, the bedroom of my nesting companion/

In the morning I thought about it, this dream, my first dream of hell.
At first I comforted myself with the usual thoughts: Hell isn't real. It's a concept other people came up with - people who wouldn't love me and whose opinion I neither respect nor believe.
 But just as I was thinking I didn't believe in hell so I didn't have to fear it, that life wouldn't have a hell in it, then I realized why not? What if my not believing there's a hell is like how I used to not believe that life "should" have pain and injustice in it? Life has sucky things in it and perhaps the afterlife has sucky hell, without my permission and my consent.
 Instead of thinking, well, it would be temporary, just like pain in life is passing. But then I thought, how do I know? Anyway, I am having various thoughts about it from time to time.

When I ask my angels about hell, I get nothing. When I Google what do angels say about hell, all I get is posts about fallen angels.

 My inner wisdom says that angels are so focused on and consisting of light and love that the concept and consciousness of hell is extremely far from their phrame of reference and existence/ I think I'm supposed to just focus on love and light and joy and peace. The same consistent message from the angels: Focus on love, light, and joy/

Anyway, I am happy to have written this. I'm always happy when I get some writing done and share my life:

Writing
Living
Meditating and praying with the angels
Writing
Spending time with my guys and cats
Breathing
Enjoying orgasms
Writing
Community building at FetLife
Living
Organizing
Making beauty however I can





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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier
"renaissance negresse"
$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.
Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Love negates failure

When something, anything, is done with love as its intention, failure doesn't exist. When love drives an action, the result will have pleasant surprises, joyful, unexpected twists and turns, and miracles galore. Even the difficult moments will be easier for us to bear, and yield more lessons that we will be able to see because of our loving intention.

What is the intention behind your actions?
And what can you do today to add or attract more love to your daily activities?


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Morning Affirmation 8/19/17

Whether work or play, affirmations can significantly improve your day!
(Hint: You can increase their power by doing them as you smile and hug yourself in front of the mirror!)

8/19/17
Today I am calm, assertive, and I trust all is well.


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Friday, August 18, 2017

How to relax and be more productive

Recognize your progress/ Make it a point to do that each day/
Notice you are accomplishing things and finishing certain tasks/
See your goals and projects getting completed one part or piece at a time/
See the end of your goals and projects, as completed/
See yourself pleased and satisfied at the end of your goals and projects


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Soulmate Attraction: Be Yourself

SOULMATE ATTRACTION: Being yourself is enough. It is unnecessary and counter-productive to try to be more like someone else. 

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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Monday, August 14, 2017

Learning to feel good no matter what

[I have bipolar disorder,  posttraumatic stress disorder, and I am into angel spirituality.]

Earlier tonight I wrote:

SURVIVOR'S CORNER: It is safe to feel happy. Shoes are not always dropping. ☺

I was returning to my nesting companion's bedroom after a quick bathroom trip and taking my nightly dose of lithium orotate when I started feeling so happy. Really happy because I way just happy. I feel great soon after a shower, the ceiling fan in the bedroom was on low and I enjoy feeling air move gently around me. My partner was snoring and it sounded soft because I had my earplugs in as I do every night. 
 I had had a relaxing, enjoyable and somewhat productive day. He even mentioned he had noticed the housework I had done.
 He had come to bed early and we watched his tablet together and laughed at silly YouTube videos. All this while cuddling. Then I lightly scratched, rubbed, and massaged his back which he loved. I also loved it because I got to talk about my late partner Tom and how he also had loved when I scratched his back this way. In fact he was the one who taught me how to do that. His ex-wife had done before me and he loved having his back lightly scratched, which he called "massage." 
  After watching the funny videos he went downstairs to smoke a cigarette, then when he returned to the thankfully smoke-free bedroom, we spooned with his back to me and I rubbed his back,  shoulders, and arms, enjoying his big bicep muscles, which he boyishly flexed when I told him how much I enjoyed feeling the ropelike bulge under my palm.
How could I not stay happy after a day and evening like this?
 We do not have to end our days thinking about our problems. We do not have to always revert to painful childhood recollections of short-lived happy times.
 Instead of thinking about those sadnesses, or of my tasks for tomorrow, deadlines, and what I didn't get done today, I decided instead to relish the joy of the moment, to not deprive myself any longer in feeling good. I decided to stop coming up with reasons I shouldn't feel happy. Because it was dangerous to feel happy. You were crushed if you dared to be vulnerable enough for joy. You were an idiot, and I didn't want to be made a fool of again. 
 I decided all of that was in the past - thoughts of a little girl who didn't know an better, and for whom this way of thinking provided foolproof efficacy in heart- and hope-protection.
 I believe some parts of me believed I would someday be able to feel happy again - to get excited about something without worrying or actually more like expecting it to go bad or wrong or go away.
 I decided tonight to just be happy, to actually expand the feeling of joy and really get into it, because why not? It would be a gift to myself and not one based on any other fact or expectation other than I am worthy of joy and peace, and I am strong enough to handle bad times when they do occur. But I don't have to live or always feel as if those bad times are always here.

Two hours after committing to joy no matter what, and deciding I was strong enough to handle bad times if they occur, an upset occurred at my residence. My nesting companion's adult daughter who lives with him, knocked on his bedroom door and announced a very serious health crisis of her maternal grandmother, for whom she had been a part-time caretaker. 

The crisis has possible serious consequences for each of the three of us here as well as for her mother .

But as I sat with my partner on the couch and  listened, it was easy to keep calm, and surround myself with a visualized pink light as I had been taught is a way to shield yourself from anyone who is complaining about something or discussing negative topics. 
 I imagined this big fluffy and bright pink light spinning around and around me, making me invulnerable to anything I couldn't handle.
 This person was my lover, who became my helpmate, and who took me in when I had nowhere else to go. 
 I trust that all is well and that whatever happens I will be fine. This is the kind of thinking that helped attract his brand of relief anyway, and I know if anything happens with him or this residence for me, the universe by way of whatever my loving output attracts, will provide.
 I just looked and listened as he spoke.
 And now, as I lie down writing before taking his suggestion and going to sleep, I still feel happy. I still know I had a very good and peaceful day. I am still grateful and excited about my life, no matter what good or bad things are in it. Because the angels dont see it that way. 
 They see it as all love, all living, all life. And I chose this life, so I will enjoy it now.



 
 


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Amethyste's Angels: Your own love and magick

Don't envy anyone else's love or magick; look and see that you have your own. I mean that both ways: recognizing that we are already abundant and powerful, as well as doing what it takes to have more of what we want. Looking inward and taking necessary action is always the better choice, and looking outward at others just takes us away from our true power and selves.

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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


AMETHYSTE'S ANGELS: Always Forward

AMETHYSTE'S ANGELS: You may see youself as going forward and back, forward and back. The angels don't see you that way. They only see us going forward, always trying. Try to see yourself that way, too!

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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Friday, August 11, 2017

Super Simple Daily Morning Prayer

Say or think this super simple prayer every morning,  and repeat as needed:

Dear God, 

Thank you.

Dear angels,

Please help me.


(That's it and that's all!)


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Thursday, August 10, 2017

A spiritual view of a frustrating experience

In the last two days I spent an inordinate amount of time corresponding with two men who fall under the category of guys I would not normally even consider due to a major difference in what I seek either in physical characteristics or geographic location. I was charmed, or rather I allowed myself to be charmed, by both and in the end the result was exactly the same as if I had just scanned their profiles (after receiving their private message) and did what Ronald Reagan recommended be the proper way to respond to an offer of street drugs: "Just say no."
  At first I felt very annoyed, with the bigger charmer, the one I had been actually attracted to (somewhat my type, but too far away). 
 Then I felt annoyed with myself for what I thought at first was having wastes my time.
 But I decided not to give any further attention to the far away guy, which I felt being angry with him would have been doing, even if he didn't know I was upset.
 And I decided to be gentle with myself, and chalk the whole thing up to another lesson learned.
 Spiritually I believe no time of ours is ever wasted. Every experience is a playground and school for our souls. I choose to see the experience not with the physical eyes of the single poly chyk seeking right partnership but through the eyes of Spirit, which says, "Nothing is ever wasted."
 Now I see that I was being open, willing to try something new, open to receiving a pleasant surprise, open to receiving a miracle, open to change, willing to love differently, inviting more excitement and possible blessings in my life.
 I was also willing to lose, to lose time, even years if a relationship had begun and ended, and I was willing to look like a fool.
 Everything I have described above is what it takes to be a very good artist, and I am in many ways, even sexually, that. An artist, that is. (I leave the "good" part for those who would judge me, as I don't judge myself, I merely live, express, and share.)
 I believe I am better today because I dealt with those two guys yesterday, and while 20 years ago I might have called them schmucks and blamed them for "wasting my time," today I take full responsibility for my experience, and I choose only love.
 At first I thought the lesson here was to be firmer and stick to my qualifications and requirements when it comes to internet personals. Now I see the reward was in seeing how I have grown. I can always slam am the breaks when I want. But it takes more strength to be vulnerable sometimes. To be soft, and to play. I did that yesterday and that, for me, is huge! 

@Endowed_Goddess



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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Wednesday, August 9, 2017

What the angels say about crying

When you ask the angels to restore your peace, they may do it instantly, show you that all truly is well, and add: "But it's still okay to cry." Crying relieves stress, is very healing, and doesn't rely on fact. Sometimes you just need to cry, and it's more than okay, it's great!

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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Thursday, August 3, 2017

What's Done is Done (poem)

by Cassendre Xavier


What's done is done and what now and what's next?
What wonders will you invite
Into your own worthy life
And when and how soon?


======================

Please share ethically! ☺



--
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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Saturday, July 29, 2017

Survivor's Corner: Residual Victim Mentality

For many years, since childhood, actually, I have considered myself to be a very strong warrior insofar as having resisted the attempts of the abuser to break my spirit. I have also been very aware of both my many strengths and glaring weaknesses.
 In 2015 I realized I had attracted some kind of bully in every stage of my schooling, from elementary or grammar school, to junior high, then to high school. ("Some college," withno bullies there.) Realizing tins I worked on it, and stood up to my 2015 bully with wonderful results. I thought I was done, but recently here on Fet I have e encountered bullies again, or at least I perceived them as bullies.
 They were trouble-makers in two groups that "picked on me," causing me to quickly leave the respective groups. Actually in the former case the bully was the group owner who blocked me. I had no intention or desire to leave otherwise. In both cases people came to my defense and labeled the bullies as having acted like jerks. I knew it wasn't me, or my fault.
  But I decided to ask myself, Why am I attracting this? 
 So I am looking at that these days, and observing my thoughts about it. So far I am noticing I have residual feelings of guilt, shame, and powerlessness from having been reared and abused by a p-e-d-o-p-h-I-l-e. Then I noticed I often feel there is something wrong with my mind and behavior, too, as a result of having bipolar 2. 
 So, I am working on this and will remember to bring it up at one of my upcoming weekly psychotherapy sessions!

 


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Thursday, July 27, 2017

Me! Me! Me! "Love, Art & Survival" ediccione

Me! Me! Me! a Cassendre Xavier Museletter
The  "Love, Art & Survival" ediccione, if you will. (As it were.)

Thursday, July 27, 2017

TABLE OF CONTENTS

A)Introduction
1)First Things First
2)Housing Update
3)Foodstuffs & Healthery (aka "Healthation", including Mental Health Issues & Treatment)
4)Love, Art, and Sex
5)Butterflies, White Trucks & The Great Beyond
Z)Storefront & Prosperity Portals (CX Merch, Events & Ways to Support, Celebrate & Pamper!)
Bonus! Article: Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Seek Relief & To Be a Blessing


CONTENTS OF TABLE

A)Introduction
Greetings! I am very happy to be writing to you again. My name is Cassendre Xavier, and I also work and play under the names Amethyste Rah, Amrita Waterfalls, and Endowed Goddess. Since 1991 I have written, performed and recorded music, and created support groups and produced events in the Philadelphia area. I have been recognized for my work in "art and social change" by the Leeway Foundation, in 2005 and 2017, respectively. My mission in life is to share my struggles and life journey in an uplifting way, entertaining and inspiring others. I am grateful and excited to be a black female multi-media artist because I can pretty much do anything I want!

1)First Things First
As a persun with bipolar disorder I have a hard time with discernment, and with focusing on one particular project at a time. As a survivor of child sexual and physical abuse I have a hard time doing things that are good for myself.
Even if you don't have these issues, we as a society were not trained to have healthy self-esteem. Many major companies are invested in us not feeling good and satisfied with ourselves, so that we feel compelled to buy their products, and many other companies and powers that be want us to not have our own goals and dreams of independence so that we can then work for them our entire lives, being cogs in their, not our, machines. So this is a common issue, not only that of the abuse or trauma survivor with mental health issues.
 The other day I formed a specialized bipolar group at one of the websites I go to for social networking among my likeminded peers. I felt the angels were telling me not to, and they kept showing me an image of the audiocassette recorder in the bottom of a large cardboard box containing my other belongings in the basement of a bookstore I have used as my office for years. I created the group anyway, thinking it would be a good place to put my writings about bipolar disorder, to share my experiences with the readers who may relate and perhaps join the group. I also felt having this place I call my own would be where I could share my journey of my recent struggles. I felt that my bipolar group could actually help me get my music started again. I felt that running the group would support and motivate me to finally go to that thriftstore outlet in Jersey and finally buy the audiocassettes I need to get started on songwriting again.
In the three days of getting the group started, so far we still only have three members, but I have told myself that's alright. I am still working on building the content, and it's only been three days. I've told myself that what counts is I now have this safe place to share my journey, and that might be enough.

 I've have many more thoughts about this, but what it brought up was how I really needed to get on what's really important in my life:

* Planning the festival (11th Black Women's Arts Festival, of which I am the founder and director, Sept 30-Oct 1, 2017, in Philadelphia, at www.TheRotunda.org)
* Writing and sending Me! Me! Me!
* Working on my music

And my physical healthcare and maintenance. These are what really matter.
The number one thing is writing the Me! Me! Me! museletters. They are a place I put my whole love and heart into, and communicate with my audience in a way that gets no better result other than when they are in my live musical audience. It has been very hard to write the Me! Me! Me!s because I have been so focused on and living survival and pleasure to soothe the rough moments of being in survival.
I am here now, writing at a college library that has served as one of my "office"/"co-working" spaces off and on since the late 90s when my girlfriend was a nursing student here and she introduced me to it.
In the same way that practicing singing and playing my guitar often gives me the answers to my questions about how to forward my musical career, just writing this has answered my nagging question about whether I should have started or continue working on my bipolar artist group online (search "bipolar artists" in the Groups category at www.FetLife.com). The fact that three days later I am now writing a nice and full Me! Me! Me! is the answer: Yes! Yes, it took a lot of effort to get that group started, and yes, it is taking effort to get it completed and yes it will take effort to get it increased in membership. But it is working.
 I do have a place to share my life more completely.
I do have a place to grow my recovery as an i-n-c-e-s-t survivor with bipolar, PTSD, and eating disorders. Because I have place to write and share.
Already, having and working on that group has gotten me to address one of my life's First Things First needs.
So, perhaps what I am learning and saying is that maybe something on the side will help you get to one of your First Things First?
While the angels keep showing me that the direct route is the most efficient, powerful, rewarding, and healing, I also am gentle with myself and focusing on the progress I am making.
May you find yourself doing more First Things First, and be gentle, and find progress with yourself and your efforts should you choose a side route. All is well and you ARE getting better and better all the time!

2)Housing Update
Some of you know that I have been dealing with some life skills issues including chronic unemployment and even homelessness in recent years. They are usually what my GoFundMe campaigns are about, not to support the release of a new album or book, not that there's anything wrong with that! I am a later bloomer with special challenges and I would not trade my life for anything!
 On Feb. 6th, my companion invited me to stay with him while I address these issues, and there I have been, in Glenolden, since then. I live with him, his adult daughter who commutes to college, and their 2 cats. We are in an open relationship (as you may know I have been polyamorous my entire adult dating life, and came out to my immediate family several years ago about it), and my mental health symptoms have significantly improved since the added stability of having a residence again after a long while. (I was staying with relatives from 2014-2015, went into a women's emergency homeless shelter in June 2015, left there in June 2016, and was street homeless until Feb. 2017).
I created my current GoFundMe campaign, CX Inspiration 2017 (https://www.gofundme.com/cxinspiration2017), to raise funds periodically to help me with public transportation costs, and to rent the occasional hotel room for rest and to give my companion and me some space, which is really healthy for our relationship. Also he's a chain smoker and it gives my lungs a break! For donations I have additionally created a Paypal link for those of you who go that way! https://www.paypal.me/CXInspiration
If you'll notice, the running theme there is "CX Inspiration," as inspiration is my jam and what I live for, both giving and receiving!

3)Foodstuffs & Healthery (aka "Healthation", including Mental Health Issues & Treatment)
I have been enjoying a very vitamin and mineral rich diet of the folowing foods which I eat for the following reasons:
Brown rice and brown pastas (whole grain): manganese, fiber
Bananas, mushrooms: potassium, lower blood pressure, mood stabilizers
Apple cider vinegar: blood thinner, lowers blood pressure
Collards, kale: super foods, grounding, slow absorption of sugars into the bloodstream, mood stabilizers
Cinnamon and cayenne: clean the blood, improve circulation, lower blood pressure
Cheeses: calcium, lowers blood pressure
Extra virgin coconut and olive oils; sardines: Omega 3 essential oils/fats: lube for the nervous system, important for brain function, mood stabilizers
Vitamin supplements:
C: Immune health
E: dunno, I forget :)
B12: brain function, mental health aid
Mineral supplements:
Lithium Orotate: natural, over the counter, non-toxic bipolar and PTSD treatment; mood stabilizer. Learn more at www.YouTube.com
Magnesium: mood stabilizer
Those are my strengths. My weaknesses are:
Not getting enough sleep. I have sleep apnea and use a CPAP machine. Lately I've been staying up too late watching TV when my companion and his daughter are asleep. I am weaning myself off of that behavior and have committed to going to sleep when he does, which is very helpful. I have done that for three nights in a row and I feel much better!
Eating too much sugar: Eating candy and frozen desserts. This isn't good because I have a cavity that needs filling and also sugar raises the blood pressure, too, in fact MORE than salt does! (My wise brother told me that, and he was right!)
Not exercising enough.
Still, I recognize my progress in that I am avoiding excess salt and am actually exercising more than I did before I moved into my companion's home. In fact, I did a few cat-back stretches before even getting out of bed this morning, so there! Progress not perfection, dagnabbit!

4)Love, Art, and Sex
For some time now I have known that my next significant romantic relationship(s) will come from my writing. I thought I was "supposed" to go to literary events and be seen and that's how I would meet him/them. Then when I set about writing more at Fet and starting my group I realized that what really mattered was the energetic output of my literary inclinations. All that matters is that I write. I don't know who will see it and be interested, but I do know that what matters is that I do it, and not focus on the writing as the answer, but as a passionate activity I would do no matter what. And I do, and I have and I always will.
My writing is part of my art and my sex life is part of my art. I came out erotically a couple of years ago, finally putting myself "out there" in ways I'd wanted to since about age 26. I decided if not now, when, and created an erotic blog and joined a couple of adult sites where I post my writings, pics, and more, in a way that few have seen at those sites. I am an artist and I like to think that is evident in all that I do.
Even my encounters become art in that I write about them, and often even recruit my partners, who often become my muses, in writing or creating them with me. My encounters are becoming collaborations in this way and it gives me great joy. I know I am on the right track to better things in my life, and more companionship and right partnership, because I am following my bliss. One sign is that I am doing it for the doing of it. When you are doing something because you love it, not looking for what you can get out of it, then everything else is extra. This means you are telling the Universe, "I have everything I need and want" and the Unverse says "Yes!" and sends you more of what you need and want!
You can learn more about my erotic journey and creations by searching "Endowed Goddess" at www.FetLife.com and www.xhamster.com. (Warning: Much of my content is explicit, so if you are a relative, you may not want to go there!)

5)Butterflies, White Trucks & The Great Beyond
Whenever I see butterflies, especially white ones, I know it's my late partner Tom saying hello and you're okay! Whenever I see a white truck, which reminds me of the one he drove, I think the same thing! I know he is on a wild adventure not too much unlike the one he had here on earth, and that from time to time, he comes to visit me. I keep a place safe in my torsal reggione not unlike the peach sofa he got for me when we lived together. My rosy heartspace is his forever spiritual home. If you have lost a loved one to death, you may enjoy my Wisdom Magazine article Love Never Dies: Afterlife Communication with Deceased Loved Ones at http://wisdom-magazine.com/Article.aspx/3115/

Z)Storefront & Prosperity Portals (CX Merch, Events & Ways to Support, Celebrate & Pamper!)
a)My angel readings and counseling sessions are beloved and well reviewed! If you are interested in booking one ($200/2-hour session, including 3 weeks of aftercare and emailed or snail-mailed transcript), reply to this message, or message me however you have access to, or email me at cxwriting(at)gmail(dot)com. (Angel readings involve my receiving messages from your angelic healers, ancestor/spirit guides, soulmates in every direction of time, and ascended masters, that will assist and support you in meeting your current life challenges for a brighter immediate future.) I accept payment in various online and offline forms, including barter and trade. I have done angel/spirit readings at public events and stopped that because one on one yields better results for both the client and myself. Folks at public events are usually there for entertainment only, and aren't receptive to the wisdom that they hear, especially since most of the messages include actions they ough to take to answer the question they ask. Those folks  usually, to use the vernacular of my people: "ain't tryin' to hear that!" Contact me for info and/or references!
b)Musical & Guided Meditation CDs/downloads at CD Baby: https://store.cdbaby.com/all/cassendre
Eight (8) Music Titles: The Whittenberg Sessions, Live at Cafe Improv, live at the kraftbrau kalamazoo, The Cassendre Xavier Collection Vol. 1, Beautiful, Live at Tin Angel, Capable of Love, and Hope
Two (2) Spoken Word Guided Meditation album/downloads: Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love, and Affirmations for Survivors: Sexuality
Musical & Guided Meditation CDs/downloads at Bandcamp: https://cassendrexavier.bandcamp.com/
I am also on Amazon, and YouTube, and many other sites. Just search my name "cassEndrE xavier".
c)My chapbooks (aka booklets) are sold at Bindlestiff Books, 4530 Baltimore Ave, Philadelphia, PA 19143-3705. Visit http://bindlestiffbooks.wordpress.com for bookstore info. Titles: "secrets & lies: poetry and other words". "Living with Bipolar Disorder." And "Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Dating & Relationships for the Polyamorous, Recovering, Survivor & Tantric." Currently, they cost $7 per copy, plus $2.50 shipping and handling for the first copy, $1.50 each additional.
I can also postal mail you my CDs and/or chapbooks personally. Message me or reply here if interested, for details.
d) The Free, 24-hour Cassendre Xavier Inspiration Line 215-552-8850
e)I included up yonder my GoFundMe and Paypal links for support of my dreams, daily survival (and thrival aka "thrivery"!) and continued inspiration for the people! You can also send a check or money order (US Postal Service money order perferred) payable to: Cassendre Xavier, c/o Bindlestiff Books, 4530 Baltimore Ave, Philadelphia, PA 19143-3705 USA. Never let it be said!
f)Bonus! I just heard from my editor at Wisdom Magazine that my August submission was accepted! You can read it in advance here! Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Seek Relief & To Be a Blessing http://cassendrexavier.blogspot.com/2017/07/soulmate-attraction-for-rest-of-us-seek.html

This concludes my message for today. Hope you dug it and make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier
(aka Amethyste Rah, Amrita Waterfalls, and Endowed Goddess)
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.wordpress.com








Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Seek Relief & To Be a Blessing

​The following article will appear in Wisdom Magazine's webzine on August 1, 2017. (Click on "This Month's Articles" and find the "Mind" category for my latest articles. My archived articles are here.) Enjoy!​


​Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Seek Relief & To Be a Blessing​

by Cassendre Xavier


One of the things that has worked consistently for me in manifesting my desires was putting out a psychic call to the Universe for relief. Usually I am not even aware I am doing it, but only realize it after I have received the relief I almost unconsciously was seeking.

I remember one night I was traveling back to Philadelphia from visiting one lover in New York. I was low on rent money and had no idea how I was going to come up with the difference I needed. I was so worried, stressed, and feeling very upset. I remember looking up into the night sky as I walked up the steep cement hill to catch my train in Chinatown NY. Out of the blue my cell phone rang and when I looked at it I saw the name of my on-again-off again lover, with whom at the time I was off again. I was so relieved to see his name! I picked it up, and we talked later when I was on the bus. His voice was so reassuring, as it always was, and I told him of my problem. He said he would help me with the funds, and we agreed to meet. The next day we met at a bar, and hugged for the first time in our relationship. We had been sexual and dated, but never hugged, clothed, standing somewhere, in public. And when I put my arms under his, his tall, 6'5" solid fame enveloped me in a warmth I had never felt with him before. "Why have we never hugged before?" I asked myself. To date it is the only time that happened, and he as since passed away.

Being the Daddy type, he rescued me yet again, and after that evening together, we were on yet again. I found relief from my problem, but just wishing for it. I didn't effort, I just felt, and it came. Law of Attraction. There was no resistance, I just let go and asked the Universe in a very strong and passionate way to help me. It, and my lover, did.

Another thing that has worked well and always for me has been to seek to be a blessing in a situation in my life I am having difficulty with.

I was homeless and raising bits of money here and there to stay in the occasional hotel or motel room for one or blessedly two days a week, and the other nights I was sleeping on public transportation vehicles, or at public transit stations. Or, I would have the occasional overnight date with a sexually compatible fellow I hoped to grow into live-in boyfriend-girlfriend situation.

Again, one night, I was walking around and feeling pretty bad. I usually pay attention to my thoughts and emotions and decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, to stop feeling bad because I didn't want to attract from that point. I also realized that I could put out my feelings to the Universe. That was allowed. So, I prayed for relief. I put it out there, that surely there was relief to be had. Surely there must be a man out there, for sure several, who would be compatible with me, and have enough income and space in their home for me to share with them. I was tired of the suffering and wanted relief!

Just then, came a nother thought. Right after the "prayer" for relief, and I think the key point here is that I almost ordered it. It wasn't like I was asking, it was more like I was announcing to the Universe that I had had enough, I knew there was a solution, as sure as there was earth under my feet and gravity and mathematics existed, I knew it. And I just expected relief would come somehow. I ordered it as if I were at a restaurant and no one to muck up my order or getting it to me. Again, no second thoughts, no afterthought, and no resistance. It just happened, without effort or planning.

I had another thought, and it was that I wanted to be a blessing. I didn't just want to find a guy who would have me. I wanted to be a great and wonderful thing to someone. I wanted a helpmate, I was clear about that. I wanted a supportive partner, someone who wouldn't judge my financial flaws or weakness, nor my lack of independence in this way. I wanted a supportive and able partner in this area that I was weak at, and a situation where I wouldn't just be dependent upon him 100% and forever, but be a stepping stone for me to learn to be financially independent again.

I also prayed to be a help to someone. I wanted to be a blessing, not only because I know this prayer and intention work, but also because I knew this was a value I could offer, since I wouldn't be paying rent or significantly contributing to the household otherwise.

And that happened!

Within a few weeks of praying for relief and to be a blessing, I had an overnight date with someone, wihch included dinner and a lovely conversation about why I hadn't already met someone who would be a companion and cook for me all the time. He loves to cook. I mean, I met someone who not only brings home the bacon, and not only loves to cook, but he prefers to be the one who cooks!

Even when we were just dating, I had started to clean up around the house. Wimmin do this. Seven months after we were dating, and after he had been a helpmate to me by buying me a tablet upon which I could do my writing and online networking, we talked about my homelessness for the first time. I had never brought it up, and neither had he. I guess he was ready to bring it up, that he was always picking me up from, and dropping me off at, my "office," the volunteer bookstore I had used as my "co-working" space for four years. He said he didn't want me sleeping all night on the train and if I didn't have a place to go I could stay with him. I did, and now it has been over 5 months of living together, and we just celebrated our first year anniversary as relationship partners!

The way his house looks now and the way it looked when we started dating is like night and day. I have brought not only a new level of tidyness and cleanliness and order to it, but affection and attention to the two cats, and a more peaceful, positive, and beautiful atmosphere. His adult, college-communiting daughter also lives with him, and the transition was very difficult, and these problems are much improved but still not gone. He is also a chain smoker and that bothers me, but what I focus on is the major bit of stability I now have in this residence, and how even the negative aspects benefit me in that they remind me that it isn't permanent, and I should remain focused on being able to have my own place again.

Now I believe he must have prayed for relief, too, to have someone help him keep a comfortable and pleasant home. He likes to be around me, and although he is a gruff-demeanored child abuse survivor with PTSD, just like me, and doesn't often say mushy things, I believe by his actions that he truly appreciates me and my efforts there.

I now believe that he must have prayed for me, for someone like me, to come and help him keep the house neat. I believe this because I see him take initiative to do things to make it even nicer. He is motivated now because he has help. He has found a helpmate in me as I have found in him. And I am motivated now to improve my financial situation, because I am now not totally focused on mere survival. I can move, albeit slowly due to my bipolar disorder's energy balance issues, towards my goals of financial self-sufficiency once again. I am so grateful! We are so grateful for each other, and I know that from what I see, and from the sweet gestures he does for me all the time. And when I said he doesn't often say mushy things, sometimes they slip, like the time recently I was sweeping in the kitchen and he was vacuuming the living room. I said, "If you see pennies on the floor, I left them there. My friend, poet CAConrad says that copper attracts love. It's a conductive metal; and that's why they use it in electronics. So I leave pennies on the floor, to attract more love." He replied, "We got plenty of love." This is my nesting partner and helpmate. My friend who is helping me get better and get independent again, in a way (my therapist told me that my partner probably really appreciates that I am very independent in many other ways, and it's true, I am!). So I believe by his actions such as this, that I am truly appreciated.

And this happened as a result of my seeking relief while also seeking to be a blessing.

I have found that both of these have worked very well for me in attracting compatible, romantic, and/or sexual life partners. And may they work for you!




Related reading: Let Me Be a Blessing (Wisdom Magazine article) by Cassendre Xavier


Cassendre Xavier has been writing the "Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us" series at Wisdom Magazine's online edition since 2011. She is the author of the forthcoming book Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Dating & Relationships for the Poly, Recovering, Survivor & Tantric, and has presented her workshop of the same title at Sisterspace Weekend in Darlington, Maryland (September 2014) and the 10th  & 11th Annual Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia (February 2015 & 2016, respectively). Cassendre was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) at age 23. She has been a member of Philadelphia's LGBT, polyamorous, and New Age/ancient wisdom spiritual communities since 1991, and from 1996-1999 facilitated Sisters Healing Together, a peer support group for women survivors of incest with a special focus on compulsive overeating, which she also founded, at the William Way LGBT Community Center in Philadelphia. Under her self-assigned spiritual name Amethyste Rah, Cassendre released the popular Affirmations for Survivors guided meditation audio series ("Self-Love" and "Spirituality" in 2007, and "Sexuality" and "Life Skills" are forthcoming). For more information, please visit    https://cassendrexavier.wordpress.com/

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

ARTIST INSPIRATION INTERVIEW: Cassendre Xavier & Brook Woolf

ARTIST INSPIRATION INTERVIEW: Cassendre Xavier & Brook Woolf

Cassendre Xavier is a multi-media artist and community cultural arts organizer. Visit her at http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com.

Brook Woolf is a visionary artist, coach, and healer. Visit her at http://www.indigowarriorlife.com

CX: Hi, Brook! When I first saw a post of yours on Facebook, I think it said something about co-working and travel and I was very intrigued. Since then I've Googled you and looked at your websites in search of more detail about what you do as a career, how you coach others to work and travel, and what those careers actually are or look like. It's been very ambiguous so I thought I'd ask you questions as if I were a 9-year old! Hope that helps!

1)What are your business names and brief descriptions?

BW: I run a blog called indigowarriorlife.com where I discuss mindfulness and travel. I also do private coaching and have a facebook group for people looking to start a coaching business and travel called Mindful Modern Nomads. They work together and have a lot of cross-over. 



2)What would you say you do for a living, and how would you describe your work?


BW: One, as mentioned before, I coach online both empowerment in business and mindfulness in life for people aiming to make the world a better place through their services. I teach them how to montetize and transform their hobbies into their careers. 


Secondly, I am a holistic practitioner that teaches my healing modality* emotional body mapping, and has one on one clients I do a mixture of counseling, bodywork, and nutrition and exercise programs. 


3)Would you say you have a mission in life, and if so, what is it? How does it combine with your occupation/profession/work/employment?

BW: My mission in life is to help facilitate others to see the best in themselves and share their skills with others. The hope is the more I can guide others to be authentically sharing the more people can grow and share and learn. It plays a role in everything I do for my occupation, whether or not it is my bodywork practice, my healing practice, or my coaching. It is essentially the embodiment of my everyday life and I am so grateful for it. 

4)Do you believe that employment is our best form of income, or do you also believe in and practice "passive income"?

BW: Personally, I love my career and its hard to say. I do believe that having a purpose and payment for that purpose helps motivate both the recipient and the doer. As for "passive income", I personally feel that gets tossed around a lot and generally passive income is in sales of products. I currently do not generate income that way but I would be interested in promoting things and people that I believe in on my site and in my life. I don't believe in competition and love all my people to prosper and be abundant. If there was a way I could help with that, I totally would do it! 

5)If you do have one or multiple streams of passsive income, what are they?

BW: All my income takes some form of work, even if it is minimal.  Occassionally, I will design and sell accessories made from natural dye textiles around the world just because I have a passion for keeping cultural arts alive and supporting local communties and the planet. While, it is effortless for me to do most of what I do because I love it so much. I am not doing any sort of ads on my site or anything that is serious passive income. 

6)I saw that you prefer to live in the places you travel, for 3-6 months at a time. Where have you traveled this way?

BW: I have lived many different cities in America (Bay Area in California, Chicago, San Diego area) Paris, San Miguel de Allende Mexico, and now I am in Chiang Mai, Thailand for the second time! I think I am going to stay here for a couple years though as part of my way of traveling is learning the language and giving back. Thai takes a lot of time to learn and quite a lot of dedication, so it may be awhile in this country. I don't mind, I love it here! 

7)If this doesn't repeat a previous answer, how do you work in other countries or part of the US? Are you always earning income when you travel, or do you sometimes travel to promote your work and spend money you earned previously?

BW: I do massage and counseling everywhere I go and online work as well;) I run courses in Thailand and will be expanding to the states next year. My prices in person change from country to country as well.  I have done lectures in other countries and not worked rigorously, but most of the time I have a flow of income from my private clients wherever I go. 

I have also considered working larger festivals but have not fully been drawn to do that as of yet. I used to sell garments (the world textiles) at art fairs around the US, but it was tiring! So, I am apprehensive to that form of work. I fully believe in order to inspire and facilitate it is important to make ample time for self-care and inner work. 


CX: I have noticed since joining the raw food movement in 2007 that many bohemian-type of entrepreneurs move out of the country and then create programs they then sell to people to teach them how to do it to. I never signed up for those because they are out of my range financially and also professionally... I am not ready for that, but in interviewing you I am learning about other ways folks travel and work and make their own livelihoods and careers.Thank you for this opportunity, and I hope this conversation yields material we can both use. If not, I still appreciate it, and you!


BW: Thank you !!!! This was awesome! I hope it was helpful! 

CX: It was, and I hope it helps lots of folks to dream and more clearly and effectively form their careers and right livelihood - thank you!



(c) Copyright 2017 by Cassendre Xavier. Permission is granted to reprint for non-commercial purposes only. Please share ethically. Thanks!