Saturday, August 27, 2016

Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love now at CD Baby!

Thanks to the m/patronage of Renaissance Negresse supporters just like you, my "Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love (Guided Meditations by Amethyste Rah with Music of Light by Thaddeus) is now available for sale at CD Baby (and soon will be available through other digital download sources as well)! Thank you for your continued support of my art/work, and therefore, life! -Cassendre aka Amethyste Rah

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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.com

Monday, August 22, 2016

The Chapstick Lesbian Song

Please enjoy my original "Chapstick Lesbian Song" http://cassendrexavier.bandcamp.com/track/the-chapstick-lesbian-song from my 2009 album "Capable of Love". Visit http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre. My music is also on iTunes, and Amazon, but Spotify brings me the most ca-ching ;) Lots more at http://youtube.com/cassendrexavier
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.com

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Because I love myself, yesterday I...

...was patient and let my date help me figure out a new travel itinerary to see my family. His plan was way more effective and time-saving than mine.

...breathed through a moment (panic attack?) where I almost abandoned all plans to see my family of origin. I'd taken the train to one destination and found that my bus plans were incorrect (not related to what my date helped me find). I almost went back home, then I paused and thought about the weeks of planning for this visit, and talks with my various relatives, and that they would be disappointed. I calmed down, and talked with the public transportation customer service represented, and asked if there was another bus that went where I needed to go. There was, and everything went smoothly after that.
 I talked with my sister later about how I almost wasn't there at all, and how that was related to my bipolar disorder and how I can attribute this change to many years of therapy, medication, and the support system I have now. We also talked about a family member who is not diagnosed nor medicated, and we had understanding about how the many disappointments we'd experienced with them was probably due to the fact that they didn't have the skills or support to deal with such times that it is too unbearable to continue in the face of a setback when one has a severe mood disorder.

...ate sensibly at the buffet. I started with a plate full of mostly raw vegetables, including mushrooms which are higher in potassium than bananas, and which I as a longtime hypertensive with lifelong bipolar disorder require for basic health and mood management. Then I had things I wanted, along with more and lots of mushrooms (cooked) because I love their taste, their potassium, and their bulk and weight. I ate things that were healthier and lighter and a small amount of the desserts I wanted. I stopped before I was too full. 

...didn't feel bad or beat myself up for not being more loving or affectionate to a relative visiting from Haiti whom I saw less than once every couple of years. I was nice and sweet but didn't force any familiarity that wasn't there. In trying to manage my emotions, and examining them, I recalled that when she visited us when I was adolescent she once caused me to get a very severe whipping, because she told on me about something I shouldn't have done: I wore to school what I had worn on Easter Sunday. I wasn't supposed to, but I did it anyway. I don't think my having worn an outfit to school warranted the heavy beating I got, and I blamed and still blame her for that, because she didn't seem remorseful or compassionate at all. That's just the nature of strict Haitian parenting mixed with very heavy corporal punishment. So, that's yet another reason I'm not exactly warmed up to her. So, I thought through all of that and forgave myself for not being as "obedient" as I felt I "should" have been in greeting her. One can only be so sweet under those conditions.

...saw more clearly areas in my life that need my attention if I am to live a more joyful and fully self-actualized life. It was painful at times, but I felt strong enough to do it.


-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.com

Please enjoy my song: "Hatred's Too Easy"!

Dear Friends!

Please enjoy my original song "Hatred's Too Easy" http://cassendrexavier.bandcamp.com/track/hatreds-too-easy. This version's from my 2015 album "Hope". Original released on my 2004 album "live at the kraftbrau, kalamazoo!" Visit http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre. My music is also on iTunes, and Amazon, but Spotify brings me the most ca-ching ;) Lots more at http://youtube.com/cassendrexavier
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.com

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

"The Power & Attractiveness of Appreciation" (New Inspiration Line Message!)

Dear Friends!

I just recorded a new message on my free, 24hr Cassendre Xavier Inspiration Line! "The Power & Attractiveness of Appreciation." It's about how much more easily we can manifest our desires, simply by really enjoying our surroundings! Enjoy! 215-552-8850


-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.com

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Trust & Enjoy Your Life (New Inspiration Message!)

New message on my Free, 24hr Inspiration Line! "The Importance of Trusting & Enjoying Your Life." It's about how I learned to stop worrying about the weak areas of my life, stop feeling bad for focusing on the more fun areas, trusting that my success in the latter will go towards improving the former, and enjoying the entire life process! Enjoy! 215-552-8850
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.com

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Dreamlogue & Interpretation: Corgi in the Car

I appear as myself. There's a white guy, 40s, brown hair, average build, casual clothes, dark workman's shirt with zipper.

I'm getting in and out of a dark car, constantly thinking about a cute dog, a Welsh corgi breed, and that I shouldn't forget him.

I'm constantly trying to remember to ask for him, ask about him, bring him into the car, secure him.

At some point I'm in touch with the guy, and as we're speaking he reminds me of the dog. I really appreciate this, as it relieves some of the pressure to do 100% of the work myself (of remembering the dog).

This time, when I get into the car, the guy is there and I am happy for three reasons - one, I'm thrilled to see the corgi there! The guy not only reminded me to remember the dog, he actually brought it himself. Secondly, I'm just to see the guy as I am accustomed to feeling when I see him apparently. And thirdly, I'm relieved that the guy has taken it upon himself to drive me someplace I wanted to go but was afraid of doing the challenging drive myself.



Interpretation:

The first thing I do upon waking from a dream and when beginning to analyze it is identify the feelings I had during and upon waking from the dream, and the feelings I have as I analyze it.

I was very happy during the dream, happy as I recalled it, and happy as I processed it.

Guy = A new guy in my life. (This does not mean a new casual sex partner, playmate, or submissive, but new persun I have begun to date.)

Corgi = Dogs represent friendship. I believe I dreamt about friendship because friendship is very important to me - friendship with myself and with the various people I've been meeting and making plans to see again, on whatever levels they and I relate. It takes work to do friendship and each friendship is different in several ways. I haven't dreamt of dogs and friendship in over a year, possibly more, and I think I did this time because this new guy and I have talked and texted more in the past week than I think I have with anyone in several months. Also that persun I was communicating with then and I have a highly erotic and spiritual but mostly part time relationship. This one (new guy) happens to be more available, as I am to him. There are different kinds of chemistry - and domesticity and dating are their own kinds.

Corgis are also among my favorite breeds of dogs, insofar as cuteness goes. I think the happiness they make me think of matches the amount of laughing I've been doing lately because of the new guy's humor and jokes. I don't think I've laughed this hard or this much in years. When I woke up I felt a clear connection between the cuteness of the dog and how much I enjoy the humor with this guy.



Driving/dark car: These represent going through life, navigating through life, being a "driving force" in affecting positive change in one's life, managing the "darkness" or challenging moments of life. With another persun present, it means having the desire to assist them on their path, and/or receiving their assistance in yours.

Very recently I'd shared a YouTube video of Viola Davis telling Oprah who was interviewing her, about how it took her a while to receive the love and support of the man who would become her husband, Julius. Part of the story involved her finally allowing him to help her by driving her to an audition. She was a bad driver and couldn't do highways well. I'm not surprised that shortly having sent that clip to the new guy I went and had a dream about it. What it means to me is that even though I'm really "only" doing the work necessary to build a friendship with this persun, somewhere between the pleasure and compromise we've been doing is something that already looks like help and support, and that it's going both ways.

It could just be in the vapor or psychic stage of development, but I sense that it is there.

Another meaning of the car to me is the body. Not in the same way that dreaming of a house, building, or other dwelling represents the body. Dreaming of a vehicle that one is in to me represents the physical self as it is used to move or propel one's soul forward. The body is significant to me in that I am being presented with new ways of seeing and understanding mine and my partners. Although my shape, size, or weight hasn't changed much in recent years, my partners have usually been the sort with whom my sense of myself as beautiful has been very secure, for various reasons including the facts that I either knew them well, or better, or because they were very forthcoming with compliments. The new guy is, well, very new to me, and also doesn't do a lot of talking in this area. He says he finds doing so "creepy". So as I try to teach him otherwise, heh-heh, I am sort of nudged to do my own pumpage of body image self-esteem. Perhaps it is work that should be done anyway, regardless of who I'm with. After all, I'm polyamorous and have other partners who do lavish the praise. Does this mean I'm insecure if I need to hear it so much? Or is it just because I'm a demanding woman who thirsts for constant praise? Either way, I'm aware that my body is the vehicle of my dreams and that I have an opportunity here to examine if I'm making the best and most use of it to that end.

Overall: I'm happy, secure, and up to the challenge!


(c) Copyright 2016 by Cassendre Xavier. All rights reserved.

For Cassendre's "Dreamlogue & Interpretation" archives, click here.

Official website: http://www.cassendrexavier.com