Friday, June 3, 2016

Raw Angel Blog – May 21, 2016





7:30am-7:50am – 1 hardboiled egg, 2 small round waffles, 2 large square waffles, syrup

1:30pm-2:00pm – 5 smaller Mexican mangoes

2:45pm-3:00pm – brown rice with sardines and extra sharp cheddar cheese (orange, as I prefer white cheeses and didn't want to overload on Dairies, The.)

7:00pm-7:30pm – a little brown rice with one can water-packed sardines, some dark chocolate


Part of learning and practicing balanced eating (spending, loving, etc.), is learning and practicing balanced living. This, for me, means learning to wisely navigate my actions while also managing my thoughts and emotions. As a persun with Bipolar and Posttraumatic Stress Disorders, this can often be difficult to do.

One of my challenges is reaching out for emotional support when I've experienced a setback. I isolate so much (very common among people with BPD and abuse survivors, actually, I mean – who do or can you trust right? PTSD talking…) that even when I do muster up the gumption to call someone, there's hardly anyone to call because I've alienated or annihilated most of my relationships or I've chosen people who trigger my issues or are just as dysfunctional as I often feel I am, or may actually be in some ways. Oh, okay, AM! (Sheesh! Ya can't give a sista a break, can ya?!)

So what had happened was, I was stood up by my second Ethiopian landlord appointment in a week. What gives?! I called an erotic, emotionally supportive friend, who was really there for me as I texted him. His words were so comforting and reassuring, and encouraging, proving once again that "It's complicated" can have gifts of value. But before I texted him, I'd called two other friends. The first didn't answer but called me back a couple of hours later. The second call went through to one of my greatest supporters, going back many years – a long time sweet friend and former sweetie who, from the west coast now, still supports my work financially and sends me highly affirming and stunningly beautiful and spiritually exotic postcards from time to time. He tells me I'm "a brilliant star" who is doing a lot to uplift others. He buys my ebooks and guided meditations and shares them with friends. Since he was the one who'd sent me the contacts for the two Ethiopian landlords, he was particularly interested and concerned. I also shared with him my thought that perhaps my erotic work had turned the former landlord off.

My friend said, "Maybe they're just flakes." And that really helped and opened my eyes. I felt so much better after this and other conversations with my sweet friends.


I reached out for emotional help, instead of remaining silent, alone, and with my trouble(some thoughts) and eating over them as I used to. I feel more empowered out in the world, in my ability to think through my problems to cultivate good, positive, and clear thoughts, to remain neutral, to re-motivate myself, and to allow others to support me as I continue to do what I can and I enjoy, to support the world (with my inspiring writing, music, images, events, performances, classes, workshops, talkings, etc.). And I support people in the ways that I can and do in our respective relationships. After reaching out and asking for reassurance, then receiving it without guilt or embarrassment, or making myself smaller, I felt more loved, strong, and able and I feel I've achieved more balance in my in every way, including my eating habits. Everything is about energy and one action affects the whole.


The mangoes added filtered water, essential nutrients and much fiber to my body, all of which are very necessary and provide me the ability to expel from my body what is unneeded. The living plants also tell me that mangoes are very good for my heart, which incidentally they happen to strongly resemble and feel like in my handery units: a humyn heart.


The angels counsel me non-stop (as I call upon them to or sometimes even when I don't), on how to balance my emotions so that I don't use other harmful behaviors, such as unhealthful eating, over-eating, and/or sabotaging myself in other ways. The angels help balance every area of life, only part of it (albeit a very major and significant part) being the way we eat. 

Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

(aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls, aka Endowed Goddess)

"renaissance negresse"


Guided Meditations:

Writing:, ,

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning Community Cultural Arts Organizer

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website:

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