Monday, March 14, 2016

Dear Chest, Stomach, and Heart: I’m Sorry

teaching yoga with a beard at BWAF Philly 2015

by Cassendre Xavier

Dear chest, stomach, and heart

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I don't have control of my eating

And I'm hurt you so much over the last few days

Even though I know I ought not

I ate heavy, fatty foods I knew would strain you

And hurt you

And make you cry


I'm sorry

I'm sorry I cannot control my eating

And that I have not been able to since I was a child

I know that I have been this way since I was very small

And 27 years of twelve-step "programming" didn't help, either


I'm sorry

I'm sorry I cannot control my eating

As I type at this computer

Completely bent over from the pain

In my chest, stomach and heart

I'm sorry


I'm sorry I ate not one but two large

Chocolate bars today

And no fruit whatsoever

I'm sorry


I'm sorry I drank a fraction of the amount

Of water I ought to drink every day

Especially given my size, my weight

And the prescription drugs I'm putting you through


Will you forgive me?

Can you forgive me?


The angels tell you me you already have

And that, being Nature, you cannot help

But to do your job

You work for me

You work for god

You work for Goddess who leads him


I thank you, chest

I thank you, stomach,

And I thank you, heart


For being with me and working for us

Each day, whether I am giving you much to work with

Or not

Whether I am going easy on you

Or not


I thank you, chest

I thank you, stomach,

And I thank you, heart


I continue to try

And pray to do better


The angels tell me to recognize my progress

Not be hard on myself

And focus on things getting better for me in all ways

Including my gentle treatment of you

And all who work for me


I now focus on the gentle treatment of myself

And I recognize my progress:


Other than when I go "off the wagon" I eat more healthfully

Every year that passes

It is my progress that makes me notice

When I've done badly

It is my progress that has raised my standards for myself

It is my progress that allows me to write this blog


Because I know I am healing

I know I'm getting better, even though I still do things

That make me want and need to say


I'm sorry.


[Image: Cassendre Xavier teaching yoga with a beard at the 9th Black Women's Arts Festival - BWAF Philly 2015, at The Rotunda. Credit: Gina Renzi.]


© 2016 Copyright by Cassendre Xavier (aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls). All rights reserved. Permission is granted to share this ethically as long as the previous credit and following link are included: http://http://cassendrexavier.com


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NEXT CONCERT:


Wed March 23rd, 7:30pm doors/8:00pm show. Live music concert at www.TinAngel.com with the wonderful www.RupertWatesMusic.com. He's from England!

More trivia: I sang his song "Snow in New York" on his album Joe's Cafe, and you can watch me singing it live at the Metropolitan Room in Manhattan here!

Tix: $12

Adults 21+ Only

Tin Angel

20 S. 2nd St

Philadelphia, PA 19107


SHORTCUT LINK TO BUY MANY, MANY, AND I MEAN, LIKE, RIDUNKULOUS AMOUNTS OF TICKETS! http://www.ticketfly.com/event/1070809-rupert-wates-philadelphia/

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