Friday, November 29, 2013

How to Move to a Place You Love (Michelle Pierson)

A former Arnold's Way Vegetarian Raw Cafe & Health Center community member, I asked Michelle Pierson how she moved to Hawaii, remembering how years ago she also very quickly wo/manifested the means to take a raw vegan certification course, and she responded with a video, not just for me, but for her community on YouTube, and for YOU! Please check out the motivational and inspiring energy of this woman, and if you dig it, share it. Thanks!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phb7MFXZ7fc

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgivukkah!

Greetings, "Beloveds"! (That's what Iyanla Vanzant calls her clients!)

 

One of my favorite people and websites is www.brownielocks.com.

 

Here's something she said about TODAY! 

 

"Happy Thanksgivukkah!

For the first time since 1888, Thanksgiving and Hanukkah are on the same day!
This occurrence will not happen again until the year 79811.  Or, never ever again in your and many other lifetimes.  Many are celebrating, even if they're not Jewish.

So in honor of this very very rare occasion, I've made some fun products in

my Zazzle Store.  Check out my Thanksgivukkah stuff!" --www.Brownielocks.com"

 

 

Enjoy and same from me!

 

Cassendre

Saturday, November 23, 2013

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WHAT YOU TRY TO HIDE SHOWS THE MOST

by Cassendre Xavier

Saturday, November 23, 2013

The other day I heard Oprah say something like,"What are the things you most try to hide about yourself? What are you most afraid people will know about you? Because those are the things that are the most obvious to others. I was like, Wowie zowie, Batman! That one was like a total and complete Hawaiian punch to mine guttural reggione. In examining and explorifyin (aka exploricatin) these things, I found feelings of shame, and then I was able to transform those into acceptance and then into actual affection and appreccione (without representaccione) for the self that is me and mine. This exercise (the only exercise Ive had in a week, heh-heh although my body doesnt think its funny at all), also reminded Moi-self of one of my favorite quotes (attributed to Jesus The Christ according to the Gnostic Gospels of Thomas, iffn you query), which goes a little somethin like this: If you bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will destroy you.
I dont know if youre in sort of the same place in your life as I am, where this message packs quite the wallop extraordinaire, but for me, it really is.
What is within you? What are you trying to hide? What are you ashamed of about yourself? What dont you want people to know about you? Take the time to examine this.Explorify it. Let it be. Let those things see the sunlight. Let them get some air. Be all that you can be. Come out. Dont be afraid. Dont be ashamed. Be yourself.
Some of these things will be easier to do than others. Others, will take more time.
Ill share with you three examples of different levels of ease or challenge, taken from my own vida loca, if you will. (As it were).

1) Easy: Coming out. Im out as les/bi, poly-(-amorous/non-monogamous), kinky, pagan-ish, etc. That was easy to do for many reasons, including I was living in those communities and offending my parents or relatives was no longer an issue as I kinda sorta came out of the womb this way. My family has long been saying, Oh, thats just [my top secret family nickname]. For many people, parents and relatives pose a much greater challenge to them being themselves. I, as the black sheep, have a much simpler ride when it comes to this. As the black sheep, however, I also have some different challenges, but to me they are small in comparison to the great freedom of being fully myself in these ways.
2) Less easy: The full expression artistique, if you will, of the Lady Amrita Waterfalls. My erotic writings have been slow in reaching my audience, because of my fears of what they will think of the other aspects of Le renaissance negresse. If I get fully down and dirty if you will, will people still respect the spiritual aspects, such as the guided meditations of Amethyste Rah and my essays in Wisdom Magazines online edition http://tinyurl.com/CXWisdom? Will they even care or respect that I became an ordained interfaith minister in September 2010? I believe they (you) will. I believe my writing about my particular brand of and beliefs about humyn sexuality will be well received as something an intelligent multi-faced woman artist would present to her equally advanced or interested audience. Im also stuck on how to get the message out there. Blogging doesnt seem right, but I dont have the system, resources, or support in place now to begin writing an actual book. Not true. I could totally start writing a book. I even have parts written which I could begin compiling into chapters of a manuscript. But I havent done so for reasons I havent fully addressed yet. Lack of patience or organization? Who knows? So, this issue is less easy. And I believe the longer I dont act on the full literary releasement of Amrita Waterfalls, the more in some way she (I) will sufforh (realease-within-saved/dont-release-within-destroyed). Never let it be said!
3) Most challenging: My new music. Years ago I started slowing down my music production because I didnt see how my albums were going to sell. What had happened was Online sales had dwindled to almost nothing, and I wasnt making the rounds house/club/concert-wise to warrant the other sales those done at live shows. Also, what had once been a great way for me to make good money as a musician playing colleges and universities, had been co-opted by companies which figured out the good thing going and made it so that Id now have to pay into a membership in order to get my music heard by the committees at the schools which booked artists. Prior-ly (or prior-like), all Id have to have done in the past was mail my CD - remember the days before EPKs (electronic press kits) and Sonicbids, Reverbnation, etc., or YouTube links of my music, or even just send an email. Now, Id have to jump through other and financial hoops for the sweet, sweet giggage (aka giggery) those big-checked college gigs provided. (Im aware now that I couldve gotten a drivers license and traveled the nation to play small towns and also sell CDs, but that wasnt my path, and I didnt want to drive at the time.) Although Id said, Now I was really referring to the early 2000s. But really really now, as we approach the 2000s mid, my issue is that I am no longer interested in producing albums of just me and my guitar. I want full band production, and I even want to (gasp!) collaborate!
4) I have projects in mind and not a single one involves what youve known before all lyrics, music, and instrumentation by Yorz Trooli. Its sad my gitter stands and waits and longs for me to pick it up and pay it some attention as I used in The Olden Days. But I as I muster up the gumption to do so again, it will be only to practice the songs I have and keep my playing and singing in good shape. And, I suppose to do the other stuff playing music does for me ask the questions about my music career only actually playing music tends to answer. (It really is a portal of sorts, darn it.) Anyway, this is the most difficult challenge I have right now, how to get the music that is within me out of me so that it can save me. Because not getting it out of me is destroying Moi-self, as it were. (If you will.)


So, um. Think about these things which I have written for you to considohr (considerize, considerate, and the like). And may the best wo/man win the battle that is overcoming life challenges to the path of ones true self. Remember, your example inspires us all!


In sweet country hearty goodness (and other granola-like sentimentals),

Cassendre
She Has Done Stuff and Is Now Preparing To Do New Stuff, which includes moving to California! http://www.gofundme.com/3ik8b8



BIO:
Cassendre Xavier is a musician, writer, actress, and fine artist who coined the phrase renaissance negresse in 2002. The founder and director of the Black Womens Arts Festival (Est. 2003) http://BWAFphilly.homestead.com, and the Womens Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002) http://WomensWritingSeries.homestead.com, Ms. Xavier received in 2005 a $15,000 Leeway Transformation Award for her work in art and change.


Copyright 2013 by Cassendre Xavier. All rightzen reservanitzkhen. http://cassendrexavier.com.


Source/Share: http://cassendrexavier.blogspot.com/2013/11/that-which-thou-hideth-most-showeth-most.html

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That Which Thou Hideth Most Showeth Most

That Which Thou Hideth Most Showeth Most

 

 

by Cassendre Xavier

 

Saturday, November 23, 2013

 

The other day I heard Oprah say something like,"What are the things you most try to hide about yourself? What are you most afraid people will know about you? Because those are the things that are the most obvious to others." I was like, Wowie zowie, Batman! That one was like a total and complete Hawaiian punch to mine guttural reggione. In examining and explorifyin' (aka "exploricatin'") these things, I found feelings of shame, and then I was able to transform those into acceptance and then into actual affection and appreccione (without representaccione) for the self that is me and mine. This exercise (the only exercise I've had in a week, heh-heh – although my body doesn't think it's funny at all), also reminded Moi-self of one of my favorite quotes (attributed to Jesus The Christ according to the Gnostic Gospels of Thomas, iffn' you query), which goes a little somethin' like this: "If you bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will save you. If you do not bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will destroy you."

  I don't know if you're in sort of the same place in your life as I am, where this message packs quite the wallop extraordinaire, but for me, it really is.

 What is within you? What are you trying to hide? What are you ashamed of about yourself? What don't you want people to know about you? Take the time to examine this.Explorify it. Let it be. Let those things see the sunlight. Let them get some air. Be all that you can be. Come out. Don't be afraid. Don't be ashamed. Be yourself.

 Some of these things will be easier to do than others. Others, will take more time.

 I'll share with you three examples of different levels of ease or challenge, taken from my own vida loca, if you will. (As it were).

 

1)    Easy: Coming out. I'm out as les/bi, poly-(-amorous/non-monogamous), kinky, pagan-ish, etc. That was easy to do for many reasons, including I was living in those communities and offending my parents or relatives was no longer an issue as I kinda sorta came out of the womb this way. My family has long been saying, "Oh, that's just [my top secret family nickname]." For many people, parents and relatives pose a much greater challenge to them being themselves. I, as the black sheep, have a much simpler ride when it comes to this. As the black sheep, however, I also have some different challenges, but to me they are small in comparison to the great freedom of being fully myself in these ways.

2)    Less easy: The full expression artistique, if you will, of the Lady Amrita Waterfalls. My erotic writings have been slow in reaching my audience, because of my fears of what they will think of the other aspects of Le renaissance negresse. If I get fully down and dirty if you will, will people still respect the spiritual aspects, such as the guided meditations of Amethyste Rah and my essays in Wisdom Magazine's online edition http://tinyurl.com/CXWisdom? Will they even care or respect that I became an ordained interfaith minister in September 2010? I believe they (you) will. I believe my writing about my particular brand of and beliefs about humyn sexuality will be well received as something an intelligent multi-faced woman artist would present to her equally advanced or interested audience. I'm also stuck on how to get the message out there. Blogging doesn't seem right, but I don't have the system, resources, or support in place now to begin writing an actual book. Not true. I could totally start writing a book. I even have parts written which I could begin compiling into chapters of a manuscript. But I haven't done so for reasons I haven't fully addressed yet. Lack of patience or organization? Who knows? So, this issue is less easy. And I believe the longer I don't act on the full literary releasement of Amrita Waterfalls, the more in some way she (I) will sufforh (realease-within-saved/don't-release-within-destroyed). Never let it be said!

3)    Most challenging: My new music. Years ago I started slowing down my music production because I didn't see how my albums were going to sell. "What had happened was…" Online sales had dwindled to almost nothing, and I wasn't making the rounds house/club/concert-wise to warrant the other sales – those done at live shows. Also, what had once been a great way for me to make good money as a musician – playing colleges and universities, had been co-opted by companies which figured out the good thing going and made it so that I'd now have to pay into a membership in order to get my music heard by the committees at the schools which booked artists. Prior-ly (or "prior-like"), all I'd have to have done in the past was mail my CD - remember the days before EPKs (electronic press kits) and Sonicbids, Reverbnation, etc., or YouTube links of my music, or even just send an email. Now, I'd have to jump through other and financial hoops for the sweet, sweet giggage (aka "giggery") those big-checked college gigs provided. (I'm aware now that I could've gotten a driver's license and traveled the nation to play small towns and also sell CDs, but that wasn't my path, and I didn't want to drive at the time.) Although I'd said, "Now…" I was really referring to the early 2000s. But really really "now", as we approach the 2000s mid, my issue is that I am no longer interested in producing albums of just me and my guitar. I want full band production, and I even want to (gasp!) collaborate!

4)     I have projects in mind and not a single one involves what you've known before – all lyrics, music, and instrumentation by Yorz Trooli. It's sad my gitter stands and waits and longs for me to pick it up and pay it some attention as I used in The Olden Days. But I as I muster up the gumption to do so again, it will be only to practice the songs I have and keep my playing and singing in good shape. And, I suppose to do the other stuff playing music does for me – ask the questions about my music career only actually playing music tends to answer. (It really is a portal of sorts, darn it.) Anyway, this is the most difficult challenge I have right now, how to get the music that is within me out of me so that it can save me. Because not getting it out of me is destroying Moi-self, as it were. (If you will.)

 

 

So, um. Think about these things which I have written for you to considohr (considerize, considerate, and the like). And may the best wo/man win the battle that is overcoming life challenges to the path of one's true self. Remember, your example inspires us all!

 

 

In sweet country hearty goodness (and other granola-like sentimentals),

 

Cassendre

She Has Done Stuff and Is Now Preparing To Do New Stuff, which includes moving to California! http://www.gofundme.com/3ik8b8

 

 

 

BIO:

Cassendre Xavier is a musician, writer, actress, and fine artist who coined the phrase "renaissance negresse" in 2002. The founder and director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) http://BWAFphilly.homestead.com, and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002) http://WomensWritingSeries.homestead.com, Ms. Xavier received in 2005 a $15,000 Leeway Transformation Award for her "work in art and change".

 

 

© Copyright 2013 by Cassendre Xavier. All rightzen reservanitzkhen. http://cassendrexavier.com

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Green Smoothie Raw Blog Nov 18, 2013

Green Smoothie Raw Blog Nov 18, 2013

 

by Cassendre Xavier

 

[Warning: Some adult contentuals sprinkled hither and yon. It's what I do. :-)]

 

Green Smoothie Raw Blog is dedicated to The Living Plants, Where They Come From, and their many gifts to us. --CX

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 

A) GREETING

1) BACK STORY

2) EATINGS

3) ELIMINATION STATION

4) THOUGHTS, FEELINGS & STUFF

5) RELATIONSHIPS

6) SEX, LOVE, AND ROMANCE

7) MONEY & PROSPERITY OF ALL KINDS

8) IN CLOSING

Z) RAW RESOURCES

 

 

CONTENTS OF TABLE

 

A) GREETING

Thank you for your readership. My intention is that this helps or at the very least entertains you somehow as well as it always helps and entertains me.

 

1) BACK STORY

Cassendre Xavier is an American multi-media performing artist.

Her raw herstory: 
First tried raw veganism in 1997. 
Serious long-term repeated attempts began in 2005. 
Worked in food prep at Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Cafe and Education Center in Lansdale, PA. 
Longest period consecutively 100% raw vegan: 61 days. 
Longest green smoothie feast: 8 days. 
Longest water fast: 12 days. 
Weight previously lost with raw foods: 30lbs (some regained). 
Biggest challenges to continued raw-ness: Compulsive eating, childhood sexual abuse issues mainly causing fear of smaller body/fear of significant weight loss, mental health and depression issues, chronic under-earning issues, low self-esteem/weak will to succeed in health and career/FEAR, anger and rage issues related to abuse. 

Is author of Expanding Your Capacity for Joy: a Comfort Book, Sourcebook & Journal (2009/ARtivist Publications), available in print at Arnold's Way (Lansdale, PA) and Essene Market & Café (Philadelphia, PA) and as an ebook at www.cassendrexavier.com or by replying to this message, or by emailing Cassendre at cxwriting(at)gmail.com.

Has been writing "Green Smoothie Raw Blog" for years off and on since it started on Arnold's Way's MySpace when CX worked at Arnold's Way in 2007. You can find many of them online by searching "Green Smoothie Raw Blog Cassendre Xavier".

 

2) EATINGS

8:00am – 1 banana (with meds)

11:15am – 3 mangoes

2:00pm – Moderate serving of my brown rice, 1 spare rib, 1 gourmet chocolate chip cookie

5:00pm – 8 oz. store-bought flash pasteurized carrot juice

5:30pm – 30 oz of my "Kale Koffee" (diluted kale juice made in the blender with water)

7:40pm – Moderate serving of fresh cut pineapple

10:45pm – Large serving of my brown rice and some rib meat; 1 gourmet chocolate chip cookie.

 

Notes:

 

a) My seasonings on all savory dishes are "Lite Salt" (half salt, half potassium chloride), cayenne pepper, garlic powder and/or fresh garlic. And I try to drink a lot of water every day.

 

b) Big bowls are essential to the raw vegan lifestyle. I was so happy when I saw my brother eating from a huge silver bowl, the kind I'd expect a small Asian woman to be soaking her feet in (or those of her pedicure client). There were remnants of a salad in there, and I knew he was on the right track and making significant progressia! If you weigh more than you want to weigh, or even if you don't, the typical raw vegan diet involves eating *lots* of fruits, vegetables, and that means salads and big ass bowls. Big ass bowls for the 2, 3, or more fruits you'll be eating per sitting. Big ass bowls for your salads. Big ass bowls! Lots of fiber, lots of naturally filtered water, lots of nutrients, very little fat, and low in calories. This is the way! Kristina, of "Fully Raw", on YouTube is a slender womon who runs and eats 16 oranges in one sitting! It's really not a lot of food, and it really does give you energy. Yep, raw vegans need us some big ass bowls. Enjoy your big ass bowls of nice and tasty roughage! And, uh, speakink of zie roughage… :-)

 

3) ELIMINATION STATION (OR: LET'S *NOT* GET CANCER SHALL WE? FREQUENT POOPINGS PROTECT US FROM EARLY DEATH!)

Eh. Nothin' to write home about. But could be worse (one BM daily or less), and definitely getting' bettohr (2 BMs today)! (Ideal: one per meal, daily.)  Thanks fraxin'!

 

4) THOUGHTS, FEELINGS & STUFF

 

RAWbservations:

 

a) I'm recalling how after eating cooked for a while – too long a while, it becomes more difficult to eat raw. I didn't drink any green smoothie yesterday – that's unusual for me. But then I realized I felt like my esophagus or something in the stomach reggione was too full (of cooked food from last night) to drink green smoothie. But, then why was I perfectly willing to sit down and enjoy a cooked savory meal? I didn't, but I was tempted to. We can become conditioned to anything. So, I'm just being patient and waiting the days and weeks until I'm more acclimated to eating more fruit and drinking more green smoothies.

 

b) One of the best things to do is have a jug of green smoothie around me. I have a 64 oz bottle of GS next to me, along with a 32 oz container of watorh, and as I've been writing, for the last 40 minutes or so, I've been getting hydrated and nourished. What had happened was my stomach had started growling somethin' awful from the hungohr, and I just started a chuggin'. It was good to feel hungry like that. And better to have room temperature GS to drink. That's another thing that makes me not want to drink it sometimes – the renaissance negresse she does not like her green smoothie cold. Non!

I'm recalling now working at Arnold's Way and he always had a container of GS from which he drank all day. Brilliant.

 On my best, most raw days, during my raw life, that's what I do, too. It's nice to remember that. And I want to be consistent with this. Consistentment.

 

c) What if my ideal self is not a total raw vegan? What if my ideal self is a highly raw omnivore? Today, I thought about how I ate the spare rib yesterday with some guilt and shame. It made sense that I have thoughts like, "Oh, I wish I were strong enough not to eat this. I wish I weren't passively condoning the suffering of this animal. I wish I weren't infusing the tissues of my body with the fear this animal suffered when it was being slaughtered, etc." Then I realized those thoughts were in conflict with my concept that it's better to eat meat and smoke with relaxation and appreciation than it is to eat "healthy" food with anger and resentment. I realized that since everything in life is about love or its opposite (fear) , then, even if I weren't eating with anger, I was eating with resentment. I wasn't resenting another persun, but I was resenting myself. I was resenting the conditions I was in, my having an eating disorder, my not having a lot of resources and every delicious raw vegan thing I could eat all the time that would make these temptations have little to no effect on me, etc.

 I realized that the feelings I was having were in fact of fear and not of love. I was not eating well. I decided to enjoy my meat as I ate it. To enjoy dairy if I eat it, to enjoy everything I eat and everything I do. I'm not going to talk about the fear in the meat or how the animal may have suffered. I'm only going to focus on my appreciation of the meal, the tenderness of the flesh, the flavor of the sauce, the spices, how well it compliments what I'm eating with it. Instead of thinking about all the many vegans in the world who are probably hating me, I'm going to think about the chefs and food writers I watch on TV, and my Haitian and Chinese relatives and ancestors who make delicious meals with pork.

 Yes, I think pigs are adorable and intelligent, and I would love to become like one of those vegans who never eat meat or dairy, but until I feel certain I am one of them, I won't beat myself up for eating meat when I'm eating it.

 I would like to be someone whose ideals match my eating habits. I don't know what that will take. I don't know if it's a matter of control. But I do know that if I'm going to eat it, I'm going to make sure I fully enjoy it. I figure, if I can do that, over time, I will make progress with my eating habits, whether that's eating less meat and dairy, or just not worrying while I eat, which will be better for my health. And maybe if doing this helps someone else not eat stressfully, that will be good, too!

 

d) Jeff Goldblum looks frikkin' amazing! Jeff Goldblum was in the "The Fly" which I watched when I was "a kid", which today for me could be 23. I was amazed when I was watching one of The Laws & The Orders: Criminal Intent, and he was there, looking like he hadn't aged in 30 years. The first thing I thought was, "Raw vegan." I was really perplexed, because as my melanin-enriched co-earthlings know, white people generally don't age very well. Yes, I know that was another "Oh, no she di-n't!) moment, but really, can you ever tell the age of a black persun? (I'm asking my beloved friends, The Whitefolk.) Can you tell the age of someone who happens to be black, if they're over the age of 25? I can, but it's because I've been doing this for 30 years (testing my ability to do so, and being a goshdarned total geek!). I can pretty closely guess the age of any one of any gender from any ethnic group. (It's one of the things I do for fun. I get my kicks out of it – I guess it's one of the few ways I can relate socially to other humyns, being. Except, of course, for talking to them after a show, or as I've already mentioned, engaging them in more, um, how-you-say, "activitay horizontales").  I completely got lost in that sentence, but, yeah, I won't name any celebrity's names, and it does depend somewhat on the lightness of their skin, their diet, lifestyle, and whether or not they live in Los Angeles, for example (just for starters), but yeah, in general, I do think it can be agreed upon that while all people are the same inside, on the outside, black people age much better than their ligher-skinned counterpartations.

 And *this* is why I was so amazed at how amazing Jeff Goldblum looked. And it was a natural youthful beauty. It was the "facelift from the inside" that I always say raw veganism provides.

 I felt for sure he had staff who made sure his meals were raw vegan most of the time, like Demi Moore, but then I read some articles online and saw that he's vegan. And I thought this: Maybe one can achieve a high level of health and beauty without even raw or highly raw. I'm sure this is true, but I also think you can be high raw and still eat meat and even dairy. It's the high raw thing OR high vegan. Meaning you can be all vegan and not high raw and feel and look great or you can be high raw and not all vegan and look and feel great. Here are those pics of Jeff Goldblum, 59, looking tan and buff on the beach with his 29 year old former gymnast girlfriend http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2176159/Jeff-Goldblum-59-proves-beach-body-extinct--keeps-toned-29-year-old-girlfriend.html. Upon further examination, I've come to the guess that he probably has had a physically active life for decades. The way he moves and holds himself, this is a man who is confident in his body. He's not unfamiliar with outdoor exercise and play. (After all, physical fitness isn't all about the gym.) It's inspiring!

 

5) RELATIONSHIPS

I'm starting to feel okay about my semi-misanthropic mood these days. Not only is it perfectly normal to feel this way, given my current circumstances and mental condition, but from your feedback, I'm learning I'm not alone in my "I'd rather be alone or with a lover" preferencials, if you will. (As it were.)

 In fact, I'm reminded of the time my therapist recently told me that the death of a lover or spouse is the most devastating of all, moreso than losing a parent or even a child. I was surprised to learn that, but then when I thought of how sometimes I'd feel like a total freak on my island of total alone freakdom, spending time with my sweetheart at the time always made me feel more normal. My therapist concurred and we had a wee conversation about how being with your partner can sometimes be the one place we feel normal in the world. That's where we feel most accepted, and of course, as I keep saying, that's the persun who gives us the orgasms, and I mean, hey, lots of power in that! Your partner gets you in ways that no one else can, sometimes, and maybe they feel you provide that for them as well.

 Also, there are other reasons I feel more comfortable alone:

 

a)     I'm a writer. Few other crafts require the solitude and perhaps even develop or attract or best fit the already existing personality traits of ever-present grumptitude.

b)      "And also, too" (thanks, Sarah Palin, and my friend who told me about and likes to use this phrase!), there is the fact that I'm a musician. Who writes songs. That's another layer of "Needs a lot of time alone to create." Even if that "creating" is just being alone with my thoughts.

c)      And also, too, I'm a lightworker. I even wrote an article about how lightworkers often feel alone. Here it is: Refusing to be Lonely at the Leading Edge of Thought by Cassendre Xavier  (June 2009) http://wisdom-magazine.com/Article.aspx/1125/

      d) And, if you thought that was enough, also, too, I'm a highly sensitive persun  (HSP), and you guessed it, I wrote an article about how we HSPs deal with social situations Social Habits of the Highly Sensitive Lightworker: 9 Tips for Self-Careby Cassendre Xavier  (July 2013)  http://wisdom-magazine.com/Article.aspx/3233/

 

 

6) SEX, LOVE, AND ROMANCE

In musing why I'm surprisingly calm about the utter and complete lack of *high-quality bootknockery (HQB) in my life, I realize what it is and what it ain't.

 It ain't my depression. I know this because while the depression does give me a laissez-faire attitude about pretty much every aspect of my life, when the chemistry is right, even with a partner who is also depressed, not only does it not impact my sex life, but I find the HQB (or even the companionship with benefit of attraction and affection) serves as a soothing salve to the pains blah blah blah. There was little I looked forward to more, during some of the difficult days, than going to visit my lovohr(s).  So the depression ain't it. Tell you what it bees. It bees the meds, in particular the not one, but TWO meds I'm a takin' for the hypertension sitcheeation. Although not as marked as the "sexual dysfunction side effect" I experienced when I was on the Prozac for exactly two weeks until I told my shrink, "Are you kidding me?" and quit taking that nonsense as soon as immediately right now possible. (I never understood that logic. Someone's really depressed, so you take away one of the few and most major joys in life? Insane.)

 So, anyway, yeah, that's it. I'm kinda sorta maybe a little bit like dead rubber down there right now. I'm not saying it's total limpy flappety nothingness, but it's somewhat nappish. It's not in a coma, but it is taking a long rest. It's not completely without any brain function, but you wouldn't want it to do your taxes, do you get where I'm going with this? It functions, but don't break out the confetti, know what I mean? Anyway, so methinks if and when I am ready to wean myself off of those drugs again (as I did years ago), I'd either better be with-company, or start dating again. And I think that may not be too long from now. Actually, I may even still be on them when the action starts. The renaissance negresse, she bores easilment, and the dating, it is most times le fun!

 

7) MONEY & PROSPERITY OF ALL KINDS

If you can't say anything positive, don't say anything at all, right? So. What can I say here?

 I am prosperous in health, talent, love, faith, hope, expectation, and other gifts. I am also super grateful for my host family for giving me a place to live in this time of my transition, and also for their helping me formulate a plan to get from here to the Bay Area of California. I am also thankful to the donors of my GoFundMe Campaign which financed my move from my last apartment to here, and allowed me to put my things into storage. Thank you all.

 Current donations assist me with costs of living during this time of planning, preparing, and fundraising. They, and you, are much appreciated!

GoFundMe Campaign link: http://gofundme.com/3ik8b8.

 

8) IN CLOSING

"I'm an artist, and I'm sensitive about my shit." –Erykah Badu's introduction of her song "Tyrone," recorded live.

I'm sure by now you've seen enough YouTube interviews and/or read enough articles about your favorite artists and are surprised to see how self-conscious and insecure despite work you really appreciate or their otherwise confident appearance.

 Well, I'm here to say I'm a writer/blogger and for some reason if I don't hear from any of my readers for a while, I forget my work is doing any good. It's like the toddler in the crib who thinks that when Mommy or Daddy leaves the room, it's forever!

 Thanks to the members of my Yahoo Group/official email list who give me enough feedback to know my work is indeed being read and appreciated. Thanks so much! And by feedback I include the occasional unsubscribers, who in their own way, also make me know I'm making my presence felt! Seriously, when I put out a museletter and someone unsubscribes, I feel bad, but not as much as I feel good that I'm making an impact!

 So, thanks again to my email list members.

If you're reading this on Facebook, please "Like" so I know you're out there. And I do count each like or comment as many, as you represent many who couldn't muster up the Herculean strength it takes to click a button. (Bitter much? Heh-heh! :-) Yep, lots of math involved in writing/blogging!

And as always, I thank you for your time.

 

Love yourself the most,

Casssendre

 

Z) RAW RESOURCES
*CX's "Raw Angel Transformation" and raw food prep videos athttp://tinyurl.com/CXYouTube 
*CX's "Green Smoothie Raw Blog" archives searchable on the internets :-) 
*www.arnoldsway.com 
*www.rawfoodS.com 
*Angela Stokes-Monarch www.rawreform.com 
*David Wolfe www.davidwolfe.com 
*Philip McCluskey www.LovingRaw.com 

*Other raw vegan businesses, including those which are Philadelphia-based and/or African-American-owned are listed in Cassendre's print and ebook Expanding Your Capacity for Joy: a Comfort Book, Sourcebook & Journal (2009/ARtivist Publications), available in print at Arnold's Way (Lansdale, PA) and Essene Market & Café (Philadelphia, PA) and as an ebook at www.cassendrexavier.com or by replying to this message, or by emailing Cassendre at cxwriting(at)gmail.com.

 

 

*The phrase "high-quality bootknockery" is a 2012 trademark of Cassendre Xavier aka the renaissance negresse. (The phrase "renaissance negresse" is a 2002 trademark Cassendre Xavier.) :-)

 

© Copyright 2013 by Cassendre Xavier. All rights reserved, or else. Don't make come over there. 'Cause I'll do it!

Monday, November 18, 2013

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Green Smoothie Raw Blog Nov 17, 2013

Green Smoothie Raw Blog Nov 17, 2013

 

by Cassendre Xavier

 

[Warning: Mild profanity and sophisticated sexuality are sprinkled hither and yon. You're welcome. :-)]

 

Green Smoothie Raw Blog is dedicated to The Living Plants, Where They Come From, and who they will heal next. My this be you. --CX

 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

 

A) GREETING

1) BACK STORY

2) EATINGS

3) ELIMINATION STATION

4) THOUGHTS, FEELINGS & STUFF

5) RELATIONSHIPS

6) SEX, LOVE, AND ROMANCE

7) MONEY & PROSPERITY OF ALL KINDS

8) IN CLOSING

Z) RAW RESOURCES

 

 

CONTENTS OF TABLE

 

A) GREETING

Thank you for your readership. My intention is that this helps or at the very least entertains you somehow as well as it always helps (and entertains) me.

 

1) BACK STORY

Cassendre Xavier is an American multi-media performing artist.

Her raw herstory: 
First tried raw veganism in 1997. 
Serious long-term repeated attempts began in 2005. 
Worked in food prep at Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Cafe and Education Center in Lansdale, PA. 
Longest period consecutively 100% raw vegan: 61 days. 
Longest green smoothie feast: 8 days. 
Longest water fast: 12 days. 
Weight previously lost with raw foods: 30lbs (some regained). 
Biggest challenges to continued raw-ness: Compulsive eating, childhood sexual abuse issues mainly causing fear of smaller body/fear of significant weight loss, mental health and depression issues, chronic under-earning issues, low self-esteem/weak will to succeed in health and career/FEAR, anger and rage issues related to abuse. 

Is author of Expanding Your Capacity for Joy: a Comfort Book, Sourcebook & Journal (2009/ARtivist Publications), available in print at Arnold's Way (Lansdale, PA) and Essene Market & Café (Philadelphia, PA) and as an ebook at www.cassendrexavier.com.

Has been writing "Green Smoothie Raw Blog" for years off and on since it started on Arnold's Way's MySpace when CX worked at Arnold's Way in 2007. You can find many of them online by searching "Green Smoothie Raw Blog Cassendre Xavier".

 

2) EATINGS

The reason I'm writing this is to help me get back to eating a high percentage of raw vegan foods again as I'd dropped off significantly in the last three weeks or so. I'm tired of blaming my household, my environment, or my income. Sometimes I stop writing this thing because I'm embarrassed or ashamed to write that I'm eating dead pig. Like the "true vegans" out there would look down on or not want to do me anymore. And I'm not promising I'll always write this blog, even when I'm not being fully raw, but I will allow myself to joyfully do what I need when it will help me somehow. And for now, I sense that writing this will help me get back on the raw horsie again. DAgnabbit. What a boring game this is. Raw on, raw off. When the fuck does it end? Well, I know where I want it to end: With me being fit, healthy, optimally lovely again, and in my life that's only come from eating mostly uncooked plant foods. So, there you frikkin' have it. I must note here that raw vegans almost never talk like this. Because they haven't been filling their innards with the fear of killed animals. They're filled with the light, love and spirituality of the Living Plants and Where They Come From. May they lead me back to them again, and soon.

That said, today I ate (I didn't write it down, so bear with me):

You know what, I don't even remember, but I do know that at the end of the night, I made and drank about 30 oz of green smoothie made with kale, bananas, apples, celery, and sweetened with soaked raisins. Medicinally the bananas are for added potassium, as are the apples, the celery are great for hypertensives such as myself as they relax the arteries.

 I'm not going to promise to write down my food tomorrow and going forward as I have in the past. I can, however, promise that I'm moving more towards joy and beauty and allowing less fear in my life. I was going to say joy and "courage", but I really saw the word "beauty" approach more quickly, and I think that's because that's what's been present in my life in the past – joyful beauty in my living. And when those elements are there, the courage is much easier to engage and exemplify.

 

3) ELIMINATION STATION

This is always a regular feature of GSRB, yet I find myself a wee embarrassed to write it now. And that's because I've been on a mostly Standard American Diet (SAD) in recent weeks. My eatings have been sad, and my innards have been sad, therefore my poopings have been sad as well.

 So, I ask myself: "Why are raw vegans so comfortable talking about bowel movements and their digestive systems in general? And why do they do that a lot?"

 My theories: "Because they're eating mostly living plants, and The Living Plants, because of Where They Come From, carry mostly the energy of joy, love, and healing. Which are all the opposites of fear and shame. Also, eating mostly living plants, these people's digestive systems are functioning at their best. They are comfortable, and they're happy about it. Lastly, their bowel movements, not being made from meats or eggs, or cooked foods, are instead made of live leaves, fruits, and vegetables, which means much more in volume and much lighter and more pleasant of effluvience. And, yes, you can quote me on that!

 That said, my "toilet gifts", if you will, have lately been the sort the SAD folks are accustomed to: short, hard, dark brown, and infrequent. If I gift the toilet once daily, I'm doing a jig. No, there is no jiggin' with it – I am merely less miserable. It is, ahem, "regular" for me to skip a day, and this it does not make me happy.

 When I'm high raw, or ideally, drinking a lot of green smoothie, I am releasing solids soon after every meal – several times a day. Average thrice daily, four when I'm really feeling championic. The "gifts" they are long, and sometimes even boomerang-shaped, as they ought be, and the rainbow color of the plants that made 'em. That's what I'm aimin' for again, so help me Goddess of The Foliage.

 

4) THOUGHTS, FEELINGS & STUFF

I'm just going to go by the last three hours: I am so sad. I am so sad. I am so sad.

 When I got home from grocery shopping, I was preparing the leaves to make green smoothie, and I was thinking about the white rice and short ribs waiting for me to engage in if I so chose. I was feeling so sad, even though I was looking at fresh kale, two huge pineapples, three ripe mangoes smelling their love up at me, and several red delicious apples, and a couple of bunches of ripe, sweet bananas, and two bunches of celery. I was getting ready to make myself some yummyness but I was feeling so sad. Why was I feeling so sad? I knew it was in part because I was at war about the ribs. I thought I might want to eat them but I was fighting myself because I "shouldn't". Then I remembered my new "rule": I can do whatever I want, just be relaxed and happy about it.

 I have a theory: It's better to enjoy a steak and a cigar with total joy, relaxation, and especially appreciation and gratitude, than it is to eat a salad with anger and resentment.

 I thought about Tom, who got so much out of life, and enjoyed so much of it, even with his hardships and the heart ailment which eventually took his life. I thought about how he always liked to play. He worked very hard his whole life, but he also played equally as hard. He was always telling me to "Relax". One of my new missions since his passing, is to not only relax, but to play and really enjoy my life. Not only because play is so good for the health, and I want to be healthier, but because doing this makes me feel closer to him.

 Standing at the kitchen table, preparing the greens and feeling tempted by and afraid of the barbecue-sauced, delicious-looking ribs, I first gave myself permission to eat them. I didn't eat them, but I told myself I could eat some whenever I wanted, if I wanted to. I could eat fruit or drink green smoothie first and then after the 30 minutes of digestion, eat rice and meat and sauce if I wanted. In front of the TV, even. Yay! Then I noticed it was late – past 10pm and I remembered when I lived in raw community and when my friend Arnold was coaching me and told me that if I want to eat late at night, fruit was best because it was kinder to the stomach, and easier to digest. It made me feel good to remember that conversation and that time.

 Then I remembered Tom's happy-ness and his constant wish and desire for me to be happy, too. And I remembered that I'm supposed to be happy! All of my spiritual studies have led to this moment – to this lesson to remember: Be happy. Be joyful. So, I felt better, instantly.

 This means I worried less. Enough so that I continued to make green smoothie for myself – enough for tomorrow. And I made my "Kale Koffee" for my raw-aspiring housemate, the co-head of the host family where I currently live.  

 I did all this, then I packed up my things and went up to my room, where I've been for the last 40 minutes or so, joyfully writing this missive. This makes me happy. This brings me joy and takes the joy out of myself to share with the world. This is what I'm here to do – to live my life and write about it. Then hit "send".

 I did not eat the white rice and the barbecued spare rib. Not that I won't eat it tomorrow, but I didn't eat it then. I only drank green smoothie then I went upstairs.

 But you know what? I was still very sad. I didn't know why so I thought about it more. Why am I so sad, I asked myself. And I found there were many reasons:

 

a)     I'm having man trouble. Or really, I am confused about my man situation.  And also I don't have a man. Not in my town anyway. And the particular situation outside of my town is very confusing indeed. There is nothing wrong with not "having" a man. I have spent many a month voluntarily manless. The issue is there is currently a need for a certain kind of company at this time. I am not interested in seeking it at this time. But a situation organically presented itself and I was diggin' it until it became something else that brought me pain. This is the confusion and from it comes a certain kind of sadness.

b)     I'm highly sensitive and pick up the sadness of others near to and far from me. And even if I weren't highly sensitive, I would still pick this up, because we all do. We are all connected to the same Universal Consciousness, so that's why many of us are depressed from time to time – not because you actually have something to complain or be sad about, but because your neighbor, friend, or someone who sat next to you on the bus does.

c)      I've been eating animals who were slaughtered and likely feeling a lot of fear before they died. The fear is still in their tissues, the tissues are in my body and being processed there, and affecting my state of my mind, as well as my feelings. I have a lot of fear in my body, and some of it is coming from the meat I eat. (But it sure is damn tasty!)

d)     Old pain I've not worked out enough through therapy, art-making, lovemaking, exercise, or some other way I don't know yet.

e)     My current financial and residential circumstances. I am grateful for everything I have, but it's hard to be dealing with some of the issues I'm dealing with, which make it difficult to go to sleep and wake up with anything other than worry on my mind. But I remind myself things are not only getting better, but the more I tap into my joy in various ways, the closer I am to creating instant and miraculous changes for the bettohr!

f)       I am still technically depressed. Hence being on medication for it. I guess this means that in addition to the other symptoms of depression I have, such as low motivation, etc., I'm gonna feel crushing sadness from time to time. Crushing sadness, thoughts of suicide, you know – the usual. (Don't worry – I've got too much to look forward to let it all go, plus I've had these thoughts my whole life. Why would I give up before my Big Ship came in?)

g)     Quite possibly any other number of as of yet unidentified factors.

 

I was just thinking that maybe I was sad so that I'd write this and maybe it wanted to be written badly enough to make me feel sad so I'd do it.

 I do know that even as I was feeling the sadness, I was telling the sadness that I'm so happy to be alive and so happy to be experiencing joy that I'll take it. I'll take the sadness because it's part of the whole wacky yin-yang that is my pleasure to be here and now.

 

5) RELATIONSHIPS

I can't tolerate people right now, unless they're giving me orgasms.

I do what I have to do – talk to the people I live with – get ready to go to interviews. Go to therapy. But other than that, I think what I'm supposed to be doing is getting well, meaning getting UNdepressed, getting financially secure, being properly supported in a love relationship, doing rewarding work, wait a minute, where was I? It's damn near three in the morning, and as much as I love this, I'm getting sleepy. Okay…. Oh yeah, no patience with people. I think I'm supposed to be working as an artist and the people I deal within those realms are all I can handle. That's how it's been in the last couple of years of my life.

 I just find I'm doing all the wrong things with people because I'm in all the wrong places doing all the wrong things. The only relationships I have that last for years are the ones with people who have been my significant others. And my m/patrons. People who appreciate me as an artist. People I don't get too close to. I think I need to keep a distance from people. I think I need to just write and make music and travel and not stay anywhere too long and then everyone will like me just fine. I'll be just fine to everyone right after I perform or right after I sign a copy of my book for them. I'll smile and take pictures and collect my check and everything will be cool and then I'll leave and no one will be offended by anything I said.

 And when I meet the one who will be my spouse I'll live with him (as I lived with Tom), and I'll be able to create and maintain healthy relationships with people around the world or close to me because I'll be healthier, I'll be more supported with healthy, loving companionship – a partner who gets me and adores me and is affectionate with me. And because my life is in order, I'll be better able to offer healthy affectionate, balanced friendship to others.

 But for now, I'm licking my wounds, trying to get better, and dealing with what it comes. I have absolutely nothing extra for this incredibly challenging work of dealing with people who are not giving me orgasms.

 

 

6) SEX, LOVE, AND ROMANCE

Lately I've been wondering a few things, such as:

Why am I so addicted to being tortured in a relationship?

Why do I love the drama?

Who says love has to look a certain way? Just because my friends and my therapist don't approve of a guy, does it mean I can't love him?

Why the fuck do I love a guy who kinda doesn't seem to really love me?

How come he seemed to love me before we hooked up?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Is it because I'm a survivor?

Of course it is. This is because my sense of what healthy sexual love with a man is was totally skewed and early on. This is what my therapist keeps talking about. She says I should be getting angry at my abuser, because I don't know what healthy is. I'm not supposed to be angry at myself. Whatevs.

I should say it was never this hard with Tom. Tom had his issues, but he never, ever let it be a sliver of a doubt that he wanted me. He also loved me and told me and showed me with his actions and his energy and his resources.

Sex: My self-esteem is not where it should be for me to find another partner right now, and I know this. And it's not only because I've gained weight or I'm broke or I'm not gigging as I should or whatever. It's a combination of those and other things, such as my partner died and I'm depressed and what the FUCK. But the good news is I'm very confident that being the kind of woman I am and the way I tend to roll in the haysackery reggiones, there will be no shortage of playmates to go through before I meet someone who sticks for a while. I will have no problem whatsoever. I haven't before, and when the time comes, I won't again. I could be ready tomorrow if I wanted to, but I see the problems and I'd rather deal with the. You know what, that's total bullshit, I couldn't just wake up tomorrow and be confident enough to meet an appropriate and compatible lover. I'm too broken right now. And I'd rather know that and stay that way and do the work to heal it because it is a beautiful journey. Really, I'd have it no other way. Life, wounds, delays and all, is so. Fuckin'. HOT. And I'm here taking all it's got to give me. I'm not going anywhere. And if I do go, I'll be just as happy wherever I am, just as Tom is.

Love: It's all in my heart and in my cuntal reggiones. Everything I want I must give myself first. Self-love. Loving others. Trying, no matter how much effort it takes, to be patient and generous, with self-and others. Every time I look at a problem, I see I'm the cause. Or my perception of it is the cause. Many times the problem doesn't even actually exist. There's truly nothing lacking. Look at a plant. I don't know why I even said that. I was imagining myself sitting looking at the leaf of a plant in my hand. Just mesmerized by it. Is there much more required to enjoy life? Whenever I feel I am lacking love, from my parents, from my siblings, from my friends, from my lover(s), I see how perfect everyone is in their completion as humyns, being. I see how "they" didn't do anything "to" me. I see how I can comfort myself and be there for myself. I see how I can heal and do what I can to enjoy the day more – enjoy my life more. I see how perfect life is and how it will always be ups and downs but always have opportunities for me to become more wise. I see how I could take the opportunity to show love. I see how I could open my heart. For example, my heart hurts now. I experience it mainly as the middle of my chest, but it hurts. Probably because of the conflict I've had lately with two wimmin friends of mine. It hurts because of the lack of clarity I have about a recent lover. It hurts because of what I've been eating. It hurts because of what I've *not* been eating. It hurts because I haven't doing enough of this: writing from my heart. It hurts because I haven't been sitting straight enough when I sit at the computer for hours. It hurts because I've been lying too long in bed watching TV. It hurts because I haven't been exercising enough. It hurts because my lover hasn't been massaging it enough. It hurts because maybe I'm thinking I don't have a lover anymore. It hurts because maybe I'm thinking I never did have this particular most recent one I thought I did.

And now, I'm sitting straight up, pulling my shoulders back, taking deep breaths and smiling as I imagine Tom in front of me, saying, "Relax". I know everything's okay. One can never truly be harmed by loving anyone. I believe that. And if I can't be comfortable with what I'm doing, and I don't have the strength to change it, then it's time to accept it and stop fighting it! It also really helps to re-focus on self-love, especially when it comes to doing what I love and being who I love being. Oh, the drama.

Romance: Whenever I think of romance now, I think of Tom. I'm sure I've had other kinds before, and I think of them from time to time, too, but first and foremost is Tom, and I think it's because he and I shared the most romance in the typical ways one thinks of romance. But there are different kinds of romance, and I've also been thinking of the many adventures D took me on. Adventures are very romantic for the Aquarian womon.

 I think when the womon is more assertive, she is the one who brings romance to the relationship. I'm not talking about flowers or cards or jewelry. I'm talking about making things happen.

 I remember I went on a date once with a guy I'd been hot for for months, at work. After the date, when we were kissing good-night, I grabbed his hair in the back of his head and, as I sucked his tongue, pulled his head away from me. His growling was pretty romantic. The first time a guy kissed my eyelids was *very* romantic. Every time a guy laughs at one of my neurotic thoughts, I melt from the romance I think it is. Whenever I write a letter and mail it it's very romantic to me. All the little things men do that are so masculine that they don't even notice, or they totally take for granted, I think is so romantic. I recently was with a man whose every gesture is so frikkin' butch, just watching him made me wet. (What? Too much? This is me, you're reading. Sorry if the moisture upset you!)

 

7) MONEY & PROSPERITY OF ALL KINDS

This is all an inner state which I am getting better focused at being. In my 20s, I believed in it all: Do what you love, the money will follow, etc. And for the next 20 years I lived that off and on. It's time to get back on the ON phase. It's a journey, and one I'll write more about once the power is on in the quaint neighborhood I live in which just lost its power temporarily after the rain storm. Trees and stuff are awesome, but they do come with a price!

 

8) IN CLOSING

I am very grateful for this forum. If you enjoyed even part of this, please "Like" as it really helps me know it's being read and appreciated. When it just goes out into the ethers and I never hear anything, I get all insecure and worry. So there you know :-)

 And as always, I thank you for your time.

 

Love yourself the most,

Casssendre

 

Z) RAW RESOURCES
*CX's "Raw Angel Transformation" and raw food prep videos athttp://tinyurl.com/CXYouTube 
*CX's "Green Smoothie Raw Blog" archives at MySpace and Blogspot. 
*www.arnoldsway.com 
*www.rawfoodS.com 
*Angela Stokes-Monarch www.rawreform.com 
*David Wolfe www.davidwolfe.com 
*Philip McCluskey www.LovingRaw.com 

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Cassendre has posted a new update...

Hi,
Cassendre has posted a new update message to "Help Send Cassendre Xavier to Bay Area! "

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New Update from Cassendre...
Diary of a renaissance negresse Nov 17, 2013

By Cassendre Xavier

I am remembering why Im here, and that is to live my life with joy, passion, courage, faith, and as much artistic self-expression as I can. --CX


TABLE OF CONTENTS

A) GREETING
1) WHO IS THE RENAISSANCE NEGRESSE?
2) CLEAN FOOD: ITS A FAMILY AFFAIR
3) FOOD JOURNAL/GREEN SMOOTHIE RAW BLOG
4) ENERGY READING FOR MY JOYFUL FUTURE
5) BLISSFOLLOWAGE IS GOOD FOR THE BRAIN
6) FOOD AND MOOD
7) SEX, LOVE, AND ROMANCE
8) RENAISSANCE NEGRESSE CATALOG
Z) IN CLOSING


CONTENTS OF TABLE


A) GREETING
I trust you are well, and I appreciate your readership.

1) WHO IS THE RENAISSANCE NEGRESSE?
Haitian/Chinese-American multi-media healing artist CassendreXavier coined the term *"renaissance negresse" in 2002. A musician, writer, actress,and fine artist, Xavier (who sometimes works under the names Amethyste Rah andAmrita Waterfalls, and is also an ordained interfaith minister) says the termdescribes a black woman who is skilled or gifted in 3 or more arts. Xavier is arecipient of a Leeway Transformation Award for her work as acommunity cultural arts advocate, having founded and directed severalPhiladelphia arts initiatives including the Women's Writing & SpokenWord Series (Est. 2002) and the Black Women's ArtsFestival (Est. 2003), as well as several peer support groups related topersonal growth, creativity, healing, and recovery. She is originally from Brooklyn, NY and has beenliving creatively and joyfully in Philadelphiasince 1990. [*"Negresse, Negre: In the French- and Spanish-speakingCaribbean Islands, these words often have a connotation of affection, entirelynon-racial in meaning. `Ma petite negresse, mon negre, are equivalent to`My dear, my darling, my sweet.'" [From Masters of the Dew, acontemporary classic novel by the Haitian author Jacques Roumain, translated byLangston Hughes and Mercer Cook.]

2) CLEAN FOOD: ITS A FAMILY AFFAIR
I just went to ShopRite with the head of my host family. We talked about how to increase the amount of clean food we eat, and how important it is we take care of our own needs first, as being the best way to incorporate more of this among the family. We also acknowledged progress already being made by all the adults and how were all eating healthier.
We both bought greens and fresh fruit, as well as his dinner and the always necessary butter-rich cookies for dessert. He bought those, but I cant say I wont partake if there are any left!

3) FOOD JOURNAL/GREEN SMOOTHIE RAW BLOG
When in crisis I write a Food Journal, two or more recent of which entries you can read at http://cassendrexavier.blogspot.com.
I havent written a GSRB in a while because Ive not been eating raw. But I think those two facts are related so Ive just decided to start doing that again. I wont put it here, though, because it would be too long. If you wish to see what I write in the next two days or so, do check the same blog link listed above. So be it!

4) ENERGY READING FOR MY JOYFUL FUTURE
Today I was thinking about how Ive always been very good at sensing energy and acting accordingment. I knew my first album would do well, because there was a demand for it, and being as Id spent an entire lifetime dreaming about releasing music, and because I believed in the quality of my music, I knew it would sell. I could see thousands of people out there in the universe with the desire and the means to purchase my album, and it happened.
There was a time I believed in the Black Womens Arts Festival, and in the Womens Writing & Spoken Word Series. They had their time with me at the helm, and because of where I was at the time, and how I was at the time, and the cultural climate of Philadelphia at the time, and real estate in Philadelphia at the time, all these factors, I saw the energy and I also had the need to see these things exist, so I put it out there, and for a while, they succeeded.
Now, I look at the world outside of my head and I try to read the energy. I look at projects Ive undergone and I look at whether or not or how they did or did not succeed. Where is the energy now? Now, that twenty years have gone by, that the economy has changed, now that Philadelphia has changed, real estate has changed, technology has changed, etc. Whats happening now?
So I did what I can now call an energy reading but what was at the time just thinking about and seeing energy and sensing the balance out there.
What I saw was that I had changed. Thats the biggest difference. My fire, my inner Light and drive for something, just something, had gone. Thats not a bad thing. Fire can and always does, come back.
Back, then in the early 1990s, I was becoming an artist. I had a lot to say and I had a lot of pain, a lot of sadness, and I also had a lot of joy. Most importantly, I had the beginnings of a need. I had a need to not only create, but to have outlets for my creations. I wanted to do things on stages that didnt yet exist, so I created them. Thats what the early 2000s were for. I wanted to attend and also see other wimmin multi-genre writers and spoken word artists perform on a regular basis. Nothing like that existed yet, to my knowledge. Literary events were either mostly male, or only poetry. The Womens Writing & Spoken Word Series happened every other week and featured two wimmin who could not be more different from one another in so-called race, and in genre. One even was usually loud while the other was quiet. Id always try to get two people whose audiences were very different from one another, so they could be in the same room at the same time for once.
Because my chapbooks (which were $5 each and actually sold! Imagine that!) featured my multi-genre writing, and I could never find stages where I could read my spiritual and humor writings along with my survivor essays and erotic poetry in the same set, I had the added bonus of being able to read my own work as the host. It went well for all involved, and I only quit when the work became too much and my financial situation made it so that doing something for free after a while was no longer feasible. (This was years later, when I stopped making the chapbooks. Why did I stop making chapbooks? Hm. Interesting.)
Same with the Black Womens Arts Festival. There was no other place where I could go to see black wimmin and their bands or other collaborators showcase their music, plays, literature, films, paintings, sculptures, dances, or do workshops, or do massage, etc. There was no Festival or conference where I could see interdisciplinary arts by black wimmin only. And I also created the BWAF because I wanted to feature my own works there as well, and I did get to.
What do I want now, I ask myself?
And as I continued this energy reading, I thought, What was the common denominator in all those successful ventures?
The answer: I was being who I wanted to be.
Thats it. I was being a fully expressed artist. I had certain needs, and I was fulfilling them. I had desires and passions.
Whats changed?
One thing Ive been doing lately is watching Gordon Ramsays Restaurant Disaster or whatever that shows called where he goes in to rescue a failing restaurant. I also watched several times the comedy movie Bridesmaids. In both, there are people who once had a passion (chefs and bakers who have lost their desire to cook or bake because their business failed). In Bridesmaids, Annie doesnt want to bake because its too painful for her.
I havent wanted to create new music because for the last several years my albums havent sold well. But as I examine this, I see:

a) I was looking at online sales mostly, and most artists dont sell well online, because these days most people expect to get their music for free online. Some buy downloads, but most dont have to. And I think of myself even
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