Friday, September 30, 2011

Diary of a renaissance negresse - 30 Sept 2011

Friday, September 30, 2011

Hello, dear reader!

Happy "Ask a Stupid Question Day" and "Hug a Vegetarian Day"! (Real, Wacky Holidays courtesy of http://brownielocks.com)

I am $39 away from making my rent, whoo-hoo!!! SOOO happy and relieved. It also feels sooo good to have taken a step towards my goal of finding a good job, rather than just taking notes and networking with folks about leads. I went to Careerlink yesterday and made an appointment for an orientation. My friend S. said they "hooked him up" which his current job, which is how I met him recently. I walked up to the kiosk of the internet company he works for and asked if they were hiring. Somehow (he saw my guitar case) we ended up talking about music (he's a musician, too, and has his own indie record label), and flirting (because that's just how we do ;-) and I went to one of the two open mics that he hosts, where I kicked ASS and sold not a single CD but he did give me twenty bucks so all was not lost.I also met some really nice folks there. But I was pissed and bitter as hell. Where else does one work for free?
Anyhoo, this ain't sposed to be "bitterfest" :-)
Anyway, the joy is improving and expanding.
For the last couple of days I've been thinking about my stationery I used to make for fun and profit. Then today my friend S. in Alburque, who had ordered them before, asked if I had any more of my self-mailing cardstock letters. So, now I'll be making 12 for her to order. Funny thing, that, because my friend M, who had also ordered them before, said he used them only for himself, right? So I ask S. how she uses them - she writes them to HERSELF every year for Rosh Hashannah! My friend M is also Jewish, so I sent him a copy of that text message. Longstoryshort, this bitch is getting her groove back, baby! (Never let it be said.)

So where am I, you ask? I'm at yet another public library, because on Fridays, they're all closed at 5pm or earlier, and my illustrious busking occurrifies (aka "occurriates" from 3-6pm. Since I'm committed to trying out this here new daily blog thing, it became apparent, I'd have to gets my writing and posting needs met in hours before my busking shift.

So, all for now. As much as I'd love to sit and jibber jabber with you good people all day, I've got lots of nifty newsletters of some of my favorite artists and writers, and other documents to print at 7 cents a page, rather than the astronomical quarter of a dollar that the Free Library charges. Why, the noive :-)

Quick facts:
Laptop crashed on July 31st, hence my using other equipment til mine is repaired.
I'm on the 2nd day of a water fast.
I'm very grateful for all the wonderful things in my life, including you, fine reader!


In art and community,

Cassendre



Cassendre Xavier is a musician, author, and community cultural arts organizer whose mission in life is to share joy, inspiration, and sensuality through the creative and healing arts. She is the founder and director of the Black Women’s Arts Festival, and has been an imperfectly practicing raw vegan since 2005. On September 19, 2011, Cassendre celebrated her first year as an ordained interfaith minister. Visit http://cassEndrExavier.com.



Copyright © 2011 by Cassendre Xavier. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to reprint this article, in part, or in whole, only with the inclusion of the author bio, copyright credit, and contact URL http://cassEndrExavier.com.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Diary of a renaissance negresse - 29 Sept 2011

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I don't know what I'm doing here. I thought I was supposed to start writing and posting a daily blog, as my technical supplies allow. But I'm stuck now. What to say?

There was a time, years ago that I wanted to be like Anais Nin - write diaries and publish them. That was my dream for such a long time. Then things changed and now it seems I want that again, only I haven't the patience to save them and then try to publish them.

As a writer, I'm hurt when I don't write enough. And even though I keep a handwritten diary at home, I feel my blog needs more use. So I'm sharing my journey.

Today I ran into a woman who is a creative artist trying to maintain a family of 4 (herself, her partner, and their 2 young children), and a full-time day job (which, thankfully is arts-related). As I spoke of my new desire for a day job myself, and my path over the years of being a full-time book clerk to a full-time multi-media artist, back to wanting a day job, I was amazed at how rapt she was by my story. I was talking so long I felt self-conscious. I actually said, "I'm talking too much" and she said, "No! This is very interesting to me - I'm going through the same thing!"

So, here I write. For anyone out there who is a writer, artist, musician, painter, sculptor, actor/actress, mother, father, guardian, foster parent. Working full time at a job that doesn't directly support your creative passions and talents.

One thing I realized recently is that our careers sometimes go in waves. Don't feel bad if from time to time you need to take on a day job.
I used to think it was a sign of failing that I wasn't making enough from my music, writing, workshops, etc. I felt ashamed to be broke so often and didn't want to think about "giving up" to have a day job.

Then, I remembered the times that I was gainfully employed outside of the arts. It was so nice to have that regular check that would pay my rent and other expenses. It was so nice to have hundreds of dollars here and there to put into getting CDs made, or going to Staples to make chapbooks and stationery and nifty stickers and postcards, etc. That was great! I had money to buy nice outfits and to generally be more relaxed as an artist and as a persun.

Now, I remember that. I also remember there were many times after a few years that I suffered greatly from the desire to not be in a bookstore all day. It was time to spread my artist wings. So I did. And after a few years of trial and error, I eventually became gainfully full-time self-employed as a renaissance negresse. NO day job!

But the pendulum has swung again. I am seeking employment and I'm happy about that! I expect that my life as an artist will improve once I'm not struggling so much to pay my basic living expenses and can once again buy all the equipment and services I need to make the art that brings my life and soul so much joy and helps me put a little more love out in the world.

It is a great privilege to share this with you. If you can relate or want to share, please feel free to post or share this.

Hang in there, stay creative, and don't ever lose faith in your ability to succeed! Life is worth living, and there's no such thing as the perfect way to do it. Just enjoy every single moment and breath. Know you are doing the best you can and take time every day to note your progress. You are not who you were 5 or 10 years ago and 5 or 10 years from now you and your creative portfolio will be even more kick-ass!

Love yourself,

Cassendre


Cassendre Xavier is a musician, author, and community cultural arts
organizer whose mission in life is to share joy, inspiration, and
sensuality through the creative and healing arts. She is the founder
and director of the Black Women’s Arts Festival, and has been an
imperfectly practicing raw vegan since 2005. On September 19, 2011,
Cassendre celebrated her first year as an ordained interfaith
minister. Visit http://cassEndrExavier.com.

Copyright © 2011 by Cassendre Xavier. All rights reserved. Permission
is granted to reprint this article, in part, or in whole, only with
the inclusion of the author bio, copyright credit, and contact URL
http://cassEndrExavier.com.