Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us by Cassendre Xavier

I’ve been really enjoying lately reading and listening to audio guided meditations of works about manifesting one’s ideal romantic partnership. The two best that I can recommend are the “Soulmate Secret” materials by Arielle Ford, which focus on “using the law of attraction to manifest the love of your life”, and “Attracting Your Soul Mate” a single guided meditation audio download by Sanaya Roman, who channels her spirit guide named Orin. In this single meditation, Orin teaches a powerful method to help you actually reach through space and time to communicate now with your ideal partner of the future. I find it a very peaceful meditation, and I sense that my communications are real and effective. (Complete audio course on “Attracting Your Soul Mate” also available.)
Arielle Ford has successfully used the law of attraction for decades to grow her business and develop a wonderful single life. When, in her 40s, she found herself still single, she decided to apply these laws to manifest the love of her life. Not long after that, at age 44 she met and married her husband of over 12 years, Brian Hilliard. The Soulmate Secret teaches basic law of attraction principles, as well as her own unique point of view and gifts of insight from using Feng Shui to various “feelingizations” (her coined phrase) and wonderful advice and techniques for removing blocks, healing and reversing traumas that may have you repeating unhealthy patterns in your love relationships.
As I was studying and meditating on the Soulmate Secret materials, something began bugging me a little bit. I noticed I was having some resistance to the repeated mention of the “one true love” model. In all of Arielle’s anthologies (including her popular Hot Chocolate series, in the style of Chicken Soup for the Soul...) she has been wonderfully diverse in including stories from same-gender-loving folks. In the Soulmate Secret, Ford stresses that everyone, absolutely everyone, can have a wonderful love life and partner, if they believe they can. And that is the key, they need to believe it. Ford says that no matter what your age, build, or financial status, you can have the love of your life. Gay or straight, disabled or able-bodied, thin or fat, rich or poor, you can have the love of your life.
Reading that made me feel good as a late bloomer, and I started getting into the flow of the Soulmate Secret teachings. Where I started to get stuck was maybe about the 30th mention of having one partner for the rest of your life. At first, I took this resistance to mean I needed to expand my capacity for joy – that I hadn’t yet wrapped my mind around having a “healthy” relationship, and that this discomfort was a sign I needed to look at and change my mind, feelings, and expectations. But, when I explored this further, over several weeks, I realized something: I didn’t want what Arielle and many of her contributors wanted. Well, I wanted most things: a loving, caring partner who was self-caring and was also well caring of me, someone kind, with whom I felt safe, trusting, and cherished. I wanted those things. What I didn’t want was monogamy. I have been polyamorous my entire adult dating life. All of my relationships, with the exception of 6 short experimental months in one long-term relationship, have been open. And this opened a wide door of possibility and acceptance for me.
Yes, you absolutely can have what you want. But you have to be clear on it, decide it for yourself in your mind and in your heart, and you have to say it out loud and write it down and dwell on it and wear the energy of it, and live as if you have it and be it until you have it on the physical plane. You don’t just look at what everyone else is doing and ignore inner signs that those things may not be for your. Listen to your inner self and go where you’re led. Obey your yearnings, passions, and desires.
The Soulmate Secret gave a few examples of this: Arielle’s list of characteristics her ideal mate would have included gray hair. She had never been attracted to men with gray hair before, but something told her to write this down, and she did. Brian turned out to not only have gray hair, but it had turned gray in his 20s.
Another example of admitting to yourself and to your manifestation exercises was a woman who created a beautiful mandala of her ideal mate. Each color represented a different trait. At the very end of her exercise, she wanted to include that “he has a cute butt”. She immediately admonished herself for being what she called “shallow”, but spiritually felt compelled to continue, so she did add the “cute butt” color to her soulmate manifestation mandala. When her future soulmate walked away after their first, and excellent date, guess what she noticed? If you guessed, “That he had a cute butt?” you are correct!
I have a theory of attraction. I believe that when we want something, it is somewhere not too far from us (spiritually) wanting us, too. The reason Arielle thought to write “gray hair” was because Brian was not far away wanting a mate just like Arielle, and his call reached out to her and she felt it. She picked up the imprint of his signal and began to piece together the map they would travel to meet in the middle of.
Unlike Arielle who didn’t happen to have a gray-haired-guy fetish, I believe the woman whose guy had the cute butt had actually always had a thing for cute butts. But here’s what about that particular story really jumped out at me and confirmed for me the need for us to be true to our passionate selves, and honest about our specific desires: I don’t care about “cute” butts! I am not a butt person at all. In fact, I have always liked the opposite of “cute butts”. I like when baggy jeans hang on a guy and he’s completely flat back there. To me that is so manly and sexy! See? That’s why it was so important for Cute Butt Lady to speak her dream, because her dreamy Cute Butt Guy was out there for her – specifically for her, who would dig his “Cute Butt” and not me, because I couldn’t care less!
I love standing in line at street vendors’ carts and listen to people order their food. Everyone orders their food differently than the person behind them, and everyone is a serious and passionate about their food being prepared just right. That’s how it is in all of life. We all are wired to want exactly what we what, exactly how we want it, and it’s out there – we can have it!
Know what you like, be honest about it, and go for it, knowing that it is out there waiting for and reaching out to you. If you want to manifest not one but three ideal mates to either be involved with together or individually, go for it. They’re looking for you. If you want to be married to one person but travel the world part-time and have other lovers, go for it. If you want to have a lasting, trusting, safe relationship within the context of a kinky/BDSM relationship, go for it. If you want to have several commitment ceremonies of mixed spiritual traditions, a skyclad, Goddess-focused handfasting in the forest, or one completely atheist celebration in a Scottish castle, you can create that. The universe expands when we all live our dreams, and seek our deepest joys. As Arielle states, healthy, wonderful love isn’t just for some people but for everyone, and that includes those of us who have always been on the edge of the mass culture – lightworkers, LGBT, kinky, polyamorous, bohemian, artistic, spiritually eclectic rebels of society’s norms. We are worthy of the same kind of wonderful, lasting love accessible to everyone else, and we can make a choice to believe that and become it.




About the author: Cassendre Xavier is an award-winning, multi-media arts performer and organizer based in Philadelphia. She has released several recordings of original music described as “a cross between Tracy Chapman, Sade and Enya” (Steven M. Wilson, Borders Music), had her multi-genre writing published internationally, and is the founder and director of Philadelphia’s annual Black Women’s Arts Festival (est. 2003). Visit www.cassEndrExavier.com for more information.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

How to Love a Girl – a Cassendre Xavier Museletter

Tuesday, May 17, 2011



Greetings, folks!

Just wanted to remind you that I’ll be hosting (reading and performing live music at) the Women’s Writing & Spoken Word Series tomorrow, Wed, May 18, at Moonstone Arts Center, 110A South 13th St (at Sansom St), Philadelphia, 7pm. Featured readers will be Jesse White and Lee ScottLorde. $5 admission.

Jesse White is an Expressionistic painter, writer and altered book artist. Conveying emotion through themes of love, loss and spirit, her writing is deeply personal, honest and often raw. She finds creating to be both restorative and spiritual. Jesse teaches the process of cathartic art making through her organization, Pigeon Arts. A Leeway Foundation grant awardee, she has facilitated her workshops with the Trans community, teen writing groups, spiritual communities, youth survivors/witnesses of domestic violence and murder, adults with chronic illnesses, and the general public. Contact: Jesse(at)pigeon-arts.com


Lee ScottLorde says: “I am a Temple University bred performance poet who has been writing poetry for the last 13 years, and professionally performing for two. I write now for the same reasons I began: to inform, entertain, liberate, and give a voice that will destroy the silences that bind and render us invisible. Poetry is so many things; political, romantic, spiritual or religious, and therapeutic. For me, poetry is an extension of living, and time. In a poem, I have the honor of experiencing every moment again and again, be it pleasurable and joyous or hard and mournful, just as I, he, or she, felt in that moment. In a poem one can even write to change history. It’s makes tangible the statement “If I could I would…” because in poetry you and I can. However dreaming and speaking it is only the first step. We too must live out our words. Currently I am in the process of establishing Sweethearts For Charity, a nonprofit bakery, that will fund-raise to support organizations and causes that aid undeserved populations in Philadelphia and writing my first book of poetry, Lopsided Warrior: The Silent Battle of Motherhood.” Contact: Lee.ScottLorde(at)gmail.com

Hosted with live music by Cassendre Xavier! Always includes a Mixed-Gender Open Mic! Streams LIVE at www.moonstoneartscenter.org, click on the Watch Live button. Founded in 2002 by Cassendre Xavier, the Women’s Writing & Spoken Word Series is a nurturing environment that celebrates women in the craft of multi-genre writing. For submissions and other information, please visit www.WomensWritingSeries.org.

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Also,

Thursday, May 19, 2011 6:00pm FREE! I’ll be singing at Elixr Coffee, an acclaimed espresso joint in Center City. 207 S 15th St. (at Walnut), Philadelphia, PA 19102

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How to Love a Girl
[My friend Alisa Raymond sent me this. I asked if I could share it. She said yes, so I'm forwarding it to you all. Please feel free to share it, following the permissions info at the end of the article. Thank you and enjoy!]

How to Love a Girl Who Hates the Skin She’s In by Alisa Raymond

1. Tell her to stop apologizing for her body. tell her sorry's are serious things and she shouldn't go wasting them.

2. Tell her she's beautiful.she is unlikely to ever believe you but just hearing it will bring that crooked smile to her face.

3. Undress her when you're in bed together.she will fight you tooth and nail because she hates the body that she ended up with, let her know its not as bad as she makes it out to be, but don't ever lie and say its not bad at all, she'll resent you for that.

4. Kiss the soft, loose skin that remains where so many pounds used to be. don't stop when you feel her cringe or when she says "you don't have too" she's just exorcising her own ghost's that have been haunting her for years. Assure her that "you ain't afraid of no ghosts" and help her rid her house of them.

5. If you're serious about loving her,love all of her, unconditionally, from her barely there hair follicles to the tips of her always pedicured toes and everything in between. She may not look like the girl you always dreamed of laying next too but she has the heart and the everything else of the girl you want to wake up to everyday for the rest of your life, and keep in mind, dream girl will be old and grey one day and the one thing that drew you to her will have faded. Stick with the girl who has heart.The heart has staying power.

6. Understand when she insists on only making love when its dark. Don't ask that the lights be on, or candles be lit. Learn every inch of her body in the pitch black like braille, let the fire you start inside of her be all the light that you need.

7. Tell her you like her better without her wig. tell her it's because she's relaxed and more herself. tell her she's beautiful regardless but her comfortable and beautiful trumps any other way.

8. Tell her she has sexy collarbones or wrists.pick a piece of her that wasn't ruined by the surgery and pay extra attention to it. let her own these sexy parts of her like some people do their entire bodies. help her be proud of a small portion of the body she's ashamed of. make her understand that we're all made up of pieces, some bad some good, but either way we need them all for our puzzles to make any sense.

9. Let her know that when she constantly makes negative comments about her body that it hurts you too, that it feels like she is trying to convince you that she is too hideous to be loved and that your love no matter how great will never be good enough. tell her it feels like she is pushing you away, also tell her that the way she obsessively critiques and puts down every inch of her makes you think that she is doing the same to you. That she is silently judging all of your parts while she loudly presides over her own.

10. Hold her hand and keep her busy, because when she's bored she binges and binging inevitably leads to purging whether its an accident or not. There's a tornado of emotion inside this girl that no amount of food will quell,but she can't stop trying, she's a storm chaser. Rescue her from the fingers that mud slide down her throat, from her eyes that burn brush fires into her ruined skin, from her mind that makes her believe her body is a tragedy. Be her disaster relief.

To post comments, please visit: http://tinyurl.com/5vzl6ps
(Source: http://cassendrexavier.blogspot.com/2011/05/how-to-love-girl-who-hates-skin-shes-in.html)


Thanks for your time and attention, everyone,

Cassendre Xavier
Suburban Station's "Subway Siren" Since 2005
"A cross between Tracy Chapman, Sade, and Enya" –Steven M. Wilson, Borders Music
http://tinyurl.com/CXiTunes
http://tinyurl.com/CXCDBaby
http://tinyurl.com/CXYouTube
Newly updated website! http://cassEndrExavier.com

How to Love a Girl Who Hates the Skin She's In, by Alisa Raymond

[My friend Alisa Raymond sent me this. I asked if I could share it. She said yes, so I'm forwarding it to you all. Please feel free to share it, following the permissions info at the end of the article. Thank you and enjoy!]

My poetry mentor gave us a writing prompt to write instructions on how to love yourself.i wrote it this week and won my first slam with it last night i thought i would share it with you..

(for those of you who don't know 2 years ago I was 486 lbs. during that time i had an illness that caused me to lose most of my hair so i wear a wig.also because of the fact that i lost 312 lbs so rapidly my skin is very loose and looks terrible.i'm grateful for my health but the way my body turned out is a constant source of shame for me. i'm working on those feelings.this poem helped a lot. I started it in april but it was very emotionally draining so i put it on the back burner. I finished it today. it took so long because its pretty damn hard to write instructions on something you haven't yet figured out how to do yourself.)

How to Love a Girl Who Hates the Skin She’s In
by Alisa Raymond

1. tell her to stop apologizing for her body. tell her sorry's are serious things and she shouldn't go wasting them.

2. Tell her she's beautiful.she is unlikely to ever believe you but just hearing it will bring that crooked smile to her face.

3. Undress her when you're in bed together.she will fight you tooth and nail because she hates the body that she ended up with, let her know its not as bad as she makes it out to be, but don't ever lie and say its not bad at all, she'll resent you for that.

4. Kiss the soft, loose skin that remains where so many pounds used to be. don't stop when you feel her cringe or when she says "you don't have too" she's just exorcising her own ghost's that have been haunting her for years. Assure her that "you ain't afraid of no ghosts" and help her rid her house of them.

5. If you're serious about loving her,love all of her, unconditionally, from her barely there hair follicles to the tips of her always pedicured toes and everything in between. She may not look like the girl you always dreamed of laying next too but she has the heart and the everything else of the girl you want to wake up to everyday for the rest of your life, and keep in mind, dream girl will be old and grey one day and the one thing that drew you to her will have faded. Stick with the girl who has heart.The heart has staying power.

6. Understand when she insists on only making love when its dark. Don't ask that the lights be on, or candles be lit. Learn every inch of her body in the pitch black like braille, let the fire you start inside of her be all the light that you need.

7. Tell her you like her better without her wig. tell her it's because she's relaxed and more herself. tell her she's beautiful regardless but her comfortable and beautiful trumps any other way.

8. Tell her she has sexy collarbones or wrists.pick a piece of her that wasn't ruined by the surgery and pay extra attention to it. let her own these sexy parts of her like some people do their entire bodies. help her be proud of a small portion of the body she's ashamed of. make her understand that we're all made up of pieces, some bad some good, but either way we need them all for our puzzles to make any sense.

9. Let her know that when she constantly makes negative comments about her body that it hurts you too, that it feels like she is trying to convince you that she is too hideous to be loved and that your love no matter how great will never be good enough. tell her it feels like she is pushing you away, also tell her that the way she obsessively critiques and puts down every inch of her makes you think that she is doing the same to you. That she is silently judging all of your parts while she loudly presides over her own.

10. Hold her hand and keep her busy, because when she's bored she binges and binging inevitably leads to purging whether its an accident or not. There's a tornado of emotion inside this girl that no amount of food will quell,but she can't stop trying, she's a storm chaser. Rescue her from the fingers that mud slide down her throat, from her eyes that burn brush fires into her ruined skin, from her mind that makes her believe her body is a tragedy. Be her diaster relief.


Permission granted to reprint, as long as the content is not altered (grammatical/spelling corrections okay), and credit is listed as: Copyright 2011 by Alisa Raymond. All rights reserved.