Monday, December 31, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 87 of 90

12/31/07

190 lbs – lost 2 lbs last week

FOOD – I WAS 65% raw today!
Filtered water
Green smoothie
7 grapefruits
4 mangoes
1 ½ liters green smoothie with spirulina
2 large vegetable dim sum dumplings
Spicy steamed tofu and rice
Small vanilla ice cream with marshmallows
1 raw yam

BODMOVERY (formerly known as EXERCISE)
300 crunches

MORNING PAGES
Yes

YOGA
10 minutes Kundalini

MEDITACCIONE
15 minutes

NOT MY BIGGEST PROBLEM
I dated someone whose life became crisis filled during our relationship. During this time, all problems I would bring up would be met with, "You know what? That's not my biggest problem." As I struggle to move to NYC, unpacking and packing a lot of things in an incredibly short period of time, I'm chanting the same mantra about my staying raw. Right now I don't have the discipline or structure, nor adequate support to stay raw during this stressful time. Moving to NYC is my biggest concern now, not staying raw or exercising, or yoga, or meditaccione, as it were. If you will.

IF I SAY I LOVE HORSES
How can I eat meat? Yummy, spicy delicious meaty meat. I will wrestle with this issue for the rest my days. Hey, pass me that A1 sauce, dammit. Oh the guilt.

THE DUCKLING/SWAN/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
Had a breakthrough recently where I pulled back from chasing this silly boy. Remember, they're all silly til they play back. Then at that point they become officially "hot". Then they remain that way until after the hook-up/relationship. Then after that they become an "ex". So, anyway, the guy had almost become "hot". Actually, he technically had reached the "hotness" insofar as playbackery goes, but for some reason – bitterness, I think it is, yeah, bitterness, I'm calling him silly again. But anyway, I digress. I pulled back from that, and felt good about it. Then I almost started a chasin' some other guy, but stopped myself in the act. And that, my friends, is progress. I'm vacilatin' towards someone else, but only in the professional realm. Actually, there are two guys I'm more excited to work with than I am to date. They're both in the music world, but do different things than I do. One's in lawyery and the other I dare not speak of so as not to give away the secretness. Anyway, it felt good to change behavior. Very exciting. Woo-hoo!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am lying on the floor in a cushioned blanket bed of my own small guest room where I am staying for two weeks in Jersey City, NJ. Jersey City is one of the places that many pre-wealthy New Yorkers live. It's a short bus ride away from Manhattan, and I consider myself to still have moved to New York, because I'm there every single day. I am paying my friends a tribute for the luxury of not being in a hostel or a stranger's rented room.
This place is huge and comfy and cozy. They are both artists. My acting book is in the same room as theirs – on the shelf are plays by essential Chekhov and the delightful, groundbreaking Suzan-Lori Parks.
Tomorrow, back to Lansdale for the last of my things and to organize what I'm temporarily storing there. Then on the 2nd, back here to hustle for a job and a place to live.
Being a brief ride from Port Authority turned me on so much. I felt like a foreigner and not the New York City native that I am.
There are police sirens every 10 minutes tonight. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it's 11pm on New Year's Eve. It's the winter Mardi Gras. People are probably drunk and acting crazy. Plus, add to that the congested population of one of the world's major cities. My inner country girl gets freaked out but then I remind myself that there's more noise here, more crime, more craziness, but also more love, more romance, more money, and more opportunities. There's more energy here and that's what I need.

Thanks for letting Moi share these feelings which are way deep down inside and stuff.
Make yourself a beautiful day!

To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com
www.myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 87 of 90

12/31/07

190 lbs – lost 2 lbs last week

FOOD – I WAS 65% raw today!
Filtered water
Green smoothie
7 grapefruits
4 mangoes
1 ½ liters green smoothie with spirulina
2 large vegetable dim sum dumplings
Spicy steamed tofu and rice
Small vanilla ice cream with marshmallows
1 raw yam

BODMOVERY (formerly known as EXERCISE)
300 crunches

MORNING PAGES
Yes

YOGA
10 minutes Kundalini

MEDITACCIONE
15 minutes

NOT MY BIGGEST PROBLEM
I dated someone whose life became crisis filled during our relationship. During this time, all problems I would bring up would be met with, "You know what? That's not my biggest problem." As I struggle to move to NYC, unpacking and packing a lot of things in an incredibly short period of time, I'm chanting the same mantra about my staying raw. Right now I don't have the discipline or structure, nor adequate support to stay raw during this stressful time. Moving to NYC is my biggest concern now, not staying raw or exercising, or yoga, or meditaccione, as it were. If you will.

IF I SAY I LOVE HORSES
How can I eat meat? Yummy, spicy delicious meaty meat. I will wrestle with this issue for the rest my days. Hey, pass me that A1 sauce, dammit. Oh the guilt.

THE DUCKLING/SWAN/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
Had a breakthrough recently where I pulled back from chasing this silly boy. Remember, they're all silly til they play back. Then at that point they become officially "hot". Then they remain that way until after the hook-up/relationship. Then after that they become an "ex". So, anyway, the guy had almost become "hot". Actually, he technically had reached the "hotness" insofar as playbackery goes, but for some reason – bitterness, I think it is, yeah, bitterness, I'm calling him silly again. But anyway, I digress. I pulled back from that, and felt good about it. Then I almost started a chasin' some other guy, but stopped myself in the act. And that, my friends, is progress. I'm vacilatin' towards someone else, but only in the professional realm. Actually, there are two guys I'm more excited to work with than I am to date. They're both in the music world, but do different things than I do. One's in lawyery and the other I dare not speak of so as not to give away the secretness. Anyway, it felt good to change behavior. Very exciting. Woo-hoo!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am lying on the floor in a cushioned blanket bed of my own small guest room where I am staying for two weeks in Jersey City, NJ. Jersey City is one of the places that many pre-wealthy New Yorkers live. It's a short bus ride away from Manhattan, and I consider myself to still have moved to New York, because I'm there every single day. I am paying my friends a tribute for the luxury of not being in a hostel or a stranger's rented room.
This place is huge and comfy and cozy. They are both artists. My acting book is in the same room as theirs – on the shelf are plays by essential Chekhov and the delightful, groundbreaking Suzan-Lori Parks.
Tomorrow, back to Lansdale for the last of my things and to organize what I'm temporarily storing there. Then on the 2nd, back here to hustle for a job and a place to live.
Being a brief ride from Port Authority turned me on so much. I felt like a foreigner and not the New York City native that I am.
There are police sirens every 10 minutes tonight. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it's 11pm on New Year's Eve. It's the winter Mardi Gras. People are probably drunk and acting crazy. Plus, add to that the congested population of one of the world's major cities. My inner country girl gets freaked out but then I remind myself that there's more noise here, more crime, more craziness, but also more love, more romance, more money, and more opportunities. There's more energy here and that's what I need.

Thanks for letting Moi share these feelings which are way deep down inside and stuff.
Make yourself a beautiful day!

To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com
www.myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 86 of 90

12/30/07

192 lbs. (maintained last week's weightery)
Next weigh-in: 12/31/07


FOOD- I was 30% raw today!
Filtered water
Green smoothie (about 2 liters with spirulina)
Gurana
Plantain
Fish
Whole grain bread (6 slices0
Chicken
Strawberry preserves
Rum raisin ice cream

EXERCISE
none

YOGA
none

MEDITACCIONE
none

MORNING PAGES
Yes

FEELINGS & STUFF
I went to spend half the day at my parent's house. Very stressful at times, and stuffed my face as is my way there. At some point, my mother said, "Why are you eating so much?" I answered, "Because I can." Then she said, "I think you're eating to fill an emptiness". I answered, "You think?!?"

THE DUCKLING/SWAN/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
I am reinventing my woman self.

THE EMPTY COP CAR
This story, I think, perfectly illustrates the element of fear I grew up with and am training myself to forget.
My mother was picking me up at the train station. Out front, where for over about 16 years, she or someone else has picked me and my siblings up, she called me to say that she couldn't pick me up there because there was a police car and a new sign that said "no stopping or standing any time". I had seen while waiting there, several people being picked up – cars pulling up and picking up folks left and right. My mother said, "I can't stop there because there's a police car right there." She didn't want to get in trouble, so she instructed me to walk all the way down the sidewalk and passed the police car so that I could then board with no incident. I didn't know why I couldn't just have boarded as usual. I didn't think the police would do anything, any more than ever has been done before, or had been done to the many other folks who boarded up front just a few minutes prior.
I inhaled and exhaled a big sigh of resigned exasperation and walked to my mother's car, as she waited behind the police so as to do no wrong god forbid. As I headed toward the car, I looked at the driver seat to see this big bad and scary police officer. The one who would come bounding out of his car and tackle my mom and me to the ground while we attempted to meet and drive away. I couldn't see anyone there. Sure enough, as I passed the car, on this cloudy afternoon, I could clearly see what was in the vehicle – other than the usual equipment, absolutely nothing and no one. My mother had put herself, and Moi, that stress obeying a ruler that didn't even exist. Story of my past but thankfully, not of Moi's future, as it were. If I will.


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

Next show: Warmdaddy's, ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Philadelphia, Jan 21, 2008. Details and calendar: www.cassendrexavier.com

Cassendre's "Live at Tin Angel" CD honorably mentioned as 9 of "Top 21 Local LPs of 2007"! –Philadelphia City Paper Music Critic M. J. Fine (Order at: http://cdbaby.com/cd/xavierc7)

Get your FREE CX/ARah Guided Meditation downloads (and $5.50 CDs) at http://stores.lulu.com/cassendre!

Affirmations of the Week:

Everything I do or don't do brings me closer to my dream life.
Everything I do or don't do benefits all living things.
Everything is perfect right now.
I'm doing everything well.
I go with the flow of life.
I respond well to resistance and allow it to guide my next steps.
I act and dwell on my pleasant feelings.
I act on and redirect my unpleasant feelings.
One of the ways I create what I want is by loving what I have.
I identify with and am happy for those who have what I want.
I have and I am everything I need to create and allow my best life now.

© 2008 Amethyste Rah

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 85 of 90

12/29/07

192 lbs. (maintained last week's weightery)
Next weigh-in: 12/31/07


FOOD- I was 50% raw today!
Filtered water
Green smoothie (about 2 liters with Moi's new lovaire, spirulina, and 1 liter, sadly, wizzout)
1 hamburger
1 meatball hoagie with American cheese
1 kielbasa with chili
3 chocolate chip cookies
6 chocolate covered malt balls

EXERCISE
80 calf raises
300 crunches
27 push ups
30 double leg lifts for the abdal region

YOGA
10 min Kundalini/Hatha

MEDITACCIONE
30 minutes

MORNING PAGES
No

FEELINGS & STUFF
I've noticed that my diet is effected greatly by my surroundings. When I'm at my exes, for example, I eat a lot of junk. When I'm at ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold's, I'm pure as the driven Negroid snow.
I feel sad that my muscles aren't sore anymore. Apparently I have to up the resistance to get that good burn again. Too bad I don't feel up to it. Just maintaining the status quo and dealing with the loss.
Thought several times about taking the bike out one last time, before I move to the big city. But I didn't want to do it, because that would be saying good-bye or some sappy shit like that. I know I'll see the bike again, and it may even be on my own street outside of my house. I've seen people biking in NYC. I'm not saying I'll be a plumb idiot and try to get a bike messenger job like I did for four whole solid days here in Philly (it was on my "things to do before I die" list – apparently there's a whole movie about that now).
Anyway, the bike was temporarily left behind with no fanfare.


QUESTION: HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN AN ADDICT IS LYING?
Answer: Their lips are moving. I saw this in the movie Gia, and it really resonated with me, because I'm seeing in myself and in other women who have grown up feeling, thinking, or being fat (I no longer think of myself as fat, but I think I still act it…but that's a changin'!) is that we're not too often in touch with the physical reality of our bodies or ourselves, or even of certain situations. I've seen some pretty scary examples of that, but I won't share because I intend to still be invited to parties and have friends!

To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

Next show: Warmdaddy's, Philadelphia, Jan 21, 2008. Details and calendar: www.cassendrexavier.com

Cassendre's "Live at Tin Angel" CD honorably mentioned as 9 of "Top 21 Local LPs of 2007"! –Philadelphia City Paper Music Critic M. J. Fine (Order at: http://cdbaby.com/cd/xavierc7)

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 83 of 90

12/27/07

192 lbs (maintained last week's weight)
Next weigh-in: 1/7/08


FOOD – I was 40% raw today!
Filtered water
Green smoothie
4 slices whole wheat bread with peanut butter
8 oz ½ soymilk ½ water
2 chocolate chip/caramel cookies
Stir-fry collard greens with onions, garlic, and 8 oz cream of broccoli soup
2 mangoes


EXERCISE
100 crunches
70 calf raises (not lifted baby cows but standing up and down on my tippie toes to work out my calves. I do this only to feel the soreness the day after.)
27 double leg lifts (for abs)
10 push-ups

YOGA
none

MEDITACCIONE
15 minutes

MORNING PAGES (daily writing exercise from the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron)
yes


FEELINGS & STUFF
Discovery: attention span too short at 11:15 am to start working out. Get bored and do less. Get up earlier – do more. Otherwise, I'm in too much of a hurry to start my day. Loving the feeling in my body, namely my belly and muscles. Muscles worked and sore. Belly very responsive to what I put I it- lots of energy through my entire being. Working out every day now just to feel it the next day. Strange motivation – pain. Maybe if I give it to myself this way, I won't seek it others. Healthy masochism for the kinky among us.


ELMINATION STATION
Been peein' like a mo' fo'. Twice severely inconvenienced by sudden urges to urinate. Missed trains, almost wet myself walking home from hour long train ride. Realized this was my body telling me "too much sugar! Too much salt!". So no more dates in my green smoothies, and more diligence about sodium. Pre-diabetic symptom, frequent urination. Or just a sign to take it easy on the sweetness. Smoothies packed with fruit and dates are fine if 100% raw, but I haven't been. Made the adjustment and look, ma, no "need-to-run-to-the-bathroom-every-ten-minutes"!


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

For raw support, I highly recommend www.arnoldsway.com
© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 82 of 90

12/26/07

192 lbs (maintained last week's weight)
Next weigh-in: 1/7/08


FOOD – I was 50% raw today!
Filtered water
Green smoothie
8 Bananas
1 Grapefruit
5 pieces of peanut butter fudge
Cough drops
Brown rice with stir fried and steamed yams, garlic onion with apple cider vinegar for salt
Raw honey for dessert


EXERCISE
10 minutes brisk/uphill walking

YOGA
none

MEDITACCIONE
10 minutes

MORNING PAGES (writing exercise from the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron)
none


HURTS SO GOOD
Blissfully sore from exercise. Almost everything "hurts" and feels splendid: calves, glutes, quads, pecs, triceps, shoulders, abs. Reminds me that I'm alive and growing – that my efforts were not in vain, but making a change.


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

For raw support, I highly recommend www.arnoldsway.com

To reply, please comment on this blog at Cassendre's Official MySpace Page www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 81 of 90

12/25/07


192 lbs (maintained last week's weight)
Next weigh-in: 1/7/08


FOOD – I was 95% raw today!
Filtered water
4-6 liters green smoothie
3 grapefruit

EXERCISE
300 crunches
20 push-ups
10 minutes calisthenics
5 minutes Pilates

YOGA
5 minutes Hatha/Kundalini blend


MEDITACCIONE
15 minutes

FEELINGS & STUFF
Resisted temptation: peanut butter fudge in holiday tin at BWAF office fridge. Motivaccione: trying to impress a cute guy, needing all my raw-induced strength for NYC, inspired by a cute guy, feeling motivated to inspire my fans and readers, and then, oh yeah, The Cute Guy. The closer I get to NY, the more I feel like I am losing my fucking mind. What am I thinking??? I don't have thousands of dollars saved up, no job, no place to live… all these worries. But then I make a list of problems and solutions, and then I remember that I'm one of the most resourceful people I know. I'll just have to apply these skills in Nueva York. Then also, I tell myself, with all these strong ass signals from the city to go there, it wouldn't just drop me like a hot potato. It wants me there. So everything's gonna be okay. I'm expecting things to go well. And if there are breakdowns, I'll remember when the Landmark people say, "Breakdowns are an opportunity to be courageous." And creative, and resourceful, and vulnerable (asking for help). I'm just "feeling the fear and doing it anyway". Lemme get outta here before I spew off any predictable clichés!


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
http://www.cassendrexavier.com/


For raw support, I highly recommend http://www.arnoldsway.com/

To reply, please comment on this blog at Cassendre's Official MySpace Page www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

Monday, December 24, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 80 of 90

12/24/07

Weight: 192 lbs (same as last week – didn't gain, whoo-hoo!)
Next weigh-in: 12/31/07

FOOD – I was 100% raw today!
filtered water
10:00am – big bowl of the following cut/prepared fruit: 2 grapefruit, 2 pears, 1 mango
2:00pm – same as above, except 2 mangoes instead of 1
During the day: seven (7) 32oz bottles of green smoothie

EXERCISE
300 crunches (I'm back!)
10 min Pilates (leg lifts, leg circles, hundredth –to strengthen my core, which I will really really need in NYC)

YOGA
10 minutes Hatha poses (cat & cobra poses for spine/backbone, warrior pose for strength and courage, stork pose for balance – all of which are character traits I will need to strengthen continuously on my New York journey)

MEDITACCIONE
10 minutes
You would laugh if you saw how I meditate or were inside my brain. Nothing but fidgeting and rambling thoughts. But I'm convinced that one or two milliseconds of silence, peace, or serenity work their way in there somehow.

FEELINGS AND STUFF
Pressure headache – from eating high sodium foods and the stress of moving. Body tight and inflexible, some chest pain – all the opposite from when I was all raw and riding bike. I really miss biking. Proud of myself for being all raw and exercising, doing yoga, and meditating today, although I think I may have done so because I have a cold and weakened appetite. Several times today I thought, "I want some fast food" (or anything cooked, savory, or meaty), then I realized that I didn't. Then I felt disappointed that I wasn't going to be eating that so-called treat. But my body and mind were happy with that.

THE DUCKLING/SWAN/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
I want to talk about Radical Sex-Acceptance. I've written before about radical self-acceptance. (Not in this blog, but in my ME! ME! ME! Newsletter.) I haven't thought about radical self-acceptance in a while because, to be honest, I don't believe I've had a tremendous period of growth or creative output in a while. In 1991, I had my first paid singing gig, in 2002, I released my first album after 7 years of recording, fear and procrastinating, 2003 launched the first Black Women's Arts Festival, my play Sex For Survivors at the Philly Fringe Festival, another CD, a chapbook (yeah, that was during my relationship with "The Bluesman Actor"). I don't think I've done anything major in several years, unless you count internal growth, which was preparing me for what I now believe to be my next big creative endeavor.
I've been thinking about sexuality lately, and how there are so many rules about how to be, and so many labels. I have spent most of my life, from the teen girl magazines to the Cosmo magazines to books like "The Rules" and "The Ethical Slut". I've made my own rules along the way, but never stopped flagellating myself for not doing the "right" thing when things went "wrong" or ended.
Recently, I decided to accept that I chose well with everyone I have ever loved or dated. I no longer adhere to the self-imposed notion that anything or anyone "should have" been any different. I honor and value my own ways of loving and being attracted to people, of pursuing or being pursued. As soon as I decided this for myself, everyone I've ever loved or dated was raised to a level of honor and wholeness as human beings. I also must have been elevated on that level. I have no other "stories" about any of my exes except that they were people I chose to love and be loved by and learn from and grow with. It is what it is, it was what it was, and the future ones will be what they will be.
I've also let go of stories I have about why I like what I like and any feelings associated with them that are less than joyous and loving. I'm no longer thinking that anything in particular "made me this way", although I do accept that perhaps certain aspects of my being made certain aspects of my past either easier or more difficult to experience. Now that I've accepted who I am, I expect I'll much more easily attract healthy partners to share my quirks with and also seek other creative expressions of my/our likes.
Lastly, I wholly accept my contradictions, which, instead of apologizing or making excuses for them, I celebrate.


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
http://www.cassendrexavier.com/


For raw support, visit the fine folks at http://www.arnoldsway.com/!

Thank you for your time.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 79 of 90

12/23/07

Weight: 192 lbs (gained 3 lbs last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/24/07

FOOD – I was 40% raw today!
filtered water
lots of green smoothie
brown rice, black beans, 2 turkey burger patties, 2 salmon patties
shepherd's pie (potatoes, ham, cheese)
cookies
mango candy fruit chews

MEDITACCIONE
none

YOGA
none

EXERCISE
none


FEELINGS AND STUFF
Anti-isolation progress. Took 2 phone calls which created quality friend time when I was feeling grumpy and procratavoiding in front of the TV.

FOODSTUFFS
I feel like I'm both punishing & rewarding myself with bad food. Feel very sluggish and bad, yet resting and reminding myself that I deserve a day off dammit.

THE DUCKLING/SWAN/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
Miss this feature, do ya? I know you do! It's not for lack of activity I haven't been writin', deuds and deudettes, it's merely lack o' time... Anyway I think the men in my life are my muses. Not all of them, and it doesn't happen all the time – I think the last time was 4 years ago, but I'm definitely starting to notice a theme and a style in my relatin' to the boys and my artistic or creative output. I'm now making a list of various male types I was relatin' to when I created a lot of art/work. The most striking one, "The Bluesman Actor", inspired a complete chapbook and two songs. I feel something else a bubblin' upon ye olde surface which could be sparking new product, as we say in the biz.



To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com


For raw support, visit the fine folks at www.arnoldsway.com!


Thank you for your time.
© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 78 of 90

12/22/07


Weight: 192 lbs (gained 3 lbs last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/24/07

FOOD – I was 60% raw today!
filtered water
lots of green smoothie
leftovers from yesterday: hamburger, buffalo wings, macaroni & cheese, cooked spinach)
shepherd's pie (potatoes, ham, cheese)
cookies

MEDITACCIONE
10 minutes

YOGA
none

EXERCISE
none


FEELINGS AND STUFF
The meat and dairy in my body is really making me feel bad. My body feels weighted down, sluggish, I'm congested, have a runny nose, and am catching a "cold" which Dr. Leila O Afrika, author of African Holistic Health says isn't really a cold but the body's reaction to toxins we put in it.


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com


For raw support, visit the fine folks at www.arnoldsway.com!


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog - Day 77 of 90

12/21/07

Weight: 192 lbs (gained 3 lbs last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/24/07

FOOD – I was 50% raw today!
filtered water
lots of green smoothie
raw salad of dandelion, collards, garlic, extra virgin olive oil, apple cider vinegar, turmeric, cayenne pepper
1 hamburger
buffalo wings
macaroni & cheese
cooked spinach
cookies

MEDITACCIONE
none

YOGA
none

EXERCISE
none


FEELINGS AND STUFF
Staying at ex's empty house which has a TV with way too many channels on it. Noticing a direct corrollation between how much TV I watch and how much of my life I'm living. I talked with my ex about it, who concurs it's an addictive, life-stealing machine. But he knows from moderation so he can have the unit at his place. I can only have a TV around me if it's basically only a monitor that can play VHS/DVDs. Otherwise, I can literally spend the whole day in front of it, and later rationalize that I'm "studying artists" by watching their interviews, which is true but not nearly as important as, oh, I dunno, planning to move in less than a week.

THE RAW JOURNEY CONTINUES
I'm noticing that the more raw I eat, the more delicious I think it is, and the more attracted I am to raw vegan foods. Also, I become more repulsed by cooked foods. And the other way around. After I eat cooked food, I then think raw doesn't taste as good and I start craving more cooked food. I used to think only cooked food was addictive, but I think raw can be addictive too...and that's a good thing, although I do wish it were a wee more "habit forming" :-)


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
http://www.cassendrexavier.com/


For raw support, visit the fine folks at http://www.arnoldsway.com/!


Thank you for your time.

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 76 of 90

12/20/07

Weight: 192 lbs (gained 3 lbs last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/24/07

FOOD – I was 40% raw today!
filtered water
lots of green smoothie
1 grapefruit
1 small ham hoagie
3 soft pretzels with mustard
starburst fruit chews
tortilla chips
cookies

MEDITACCIONE
none

YOGA
none

EXERCISE
none


FEELINGS AND STUFF
Feeling unbalanced mentally – not focused, questioning my choices, my planning (or lack thereof) in how I'm going to NYC. But I feel good and sane because I'm questioning the wisdom of my actions. Progress blah blah blah. I'm tired but hopeful and expecting both the best and to work hard when necessary.



To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com


For raw support, visit the fine folks at www.arnoldsway.com!

To reply, please comment on this blog at Cassendre's Official MySpace Page www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

Thank you for your time.

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 75 of 90

12/19/07

Weight: 192 lbs (gained 3 lbs last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/24/07

FOOD – I was 40% raw today!
filtered water
lots of green smoothie
2 slices chicken pizza
1 green pepper
tortilla chips
cookies

MEDITACCIONE
none

YOGA
none

EXERCISE
none


Not much time to write today. Lots to do preparing to move to NYC by end of month.



To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com


For raw support, visit the fine folks at www.arnoldsway.com!

To reply, please comment on this blog at www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

Thank you for your time.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 74 of 90

12/18/07

Weight: 192 lbs (gained 3 lbs last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/24/07

FOOD – I was 50% raw today!
filtered water
lots of green smoothie (collards, apples, bananas, dandelion, spinach, dates, water)
bowl of 4 plumb tomatoes and 1 avocado diced into bite sized pieces
salad (dandelion, collard, garlic, apple cider vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, cayenne pepper, turmeric)
2 grapefruits
2 slices chicken pizza
1 hamburger
tortilla chips
cookies

MEDITACCIONE
10 minutes

YOGA
10 min Hatha/Kundalini

EXERCISE
100 crunches
10 push-ups
10 minutes aerobics/Pilates blend


Not much time to write today. Lots to do preparing to move to NYC by end of month.


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

To reply, please comment on this blog at www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

For raw support, visit the fine folks at www.arnoldsway.com!

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 73 of 90

12/17/07


Weight: 192 lbs (gained 3 lbs last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/24/07

FOOD – I was 100% raw today!
filtered water
lots of green smoothie (collards, apples, bananas, dandelion, spinach, dates, water)
bowl of 4 plumb tomatoes and 1 avocado diced into bite sized pieces
salad (dandelion, collard, garlic, apple cider vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, cayenne pepper, turmeric)
4 grapefruits

MEDITATION
none

EXERCISE
none

YOGA
none


Not much time to write today. Lots to do preparing to move to NYC by end of month.


To your abundance,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

To reply, please comment on this blog at www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

For raw support, visit the fine folks at www.arnoldsway.com!



© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 72 of 90

12/16/07


Weight: 189 lbs (gained 1 lb last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/17/07

FOOD – I was 50% raw today!
Filtered water
Lots and lots of ounces of green smoothie
Lots of party food including meat, shrimp, and a lot of dairy

EXERCISE
none

MEDITATION
none

YOGA
none


FEELINGS AND STUFF
Learning to balance real life concerns with spiritual abundance. How to be focused on what I need, yet affirm to the universe that I have everything I already need within Moi. Wish I could eat more raw and exercise and do yoga and meditate like I did weeks ago, but also going easy on myself during this major time of upheaval and changery.


HOW TO GET WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT I've wo/manifested some nifty things in my time: a house, free computers, a pleasant, long-term relationship and more. Recently, I had a lesson in manifestation that I'll be using over the next two weeks in one of the biggest moves in my career as a singer-songwriter. I hope time will show I learned this lesson well.
I attended church yesterday for the first time in years. It was a place called Circle of Miracles, in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />New Britain, recommended by my friend who was ordained there as a nondenominational minister and spiritual guidance counselor.
I'd never before attended a church where part of the service included playing the music of pop icons, such as John Lennon and Josh Grobin. After self-consciously singing "Imagine" along with the others, I settled in to hear the talk, which I'd been anxiously awaiting. The subject was prayer. Our speaker, COM founder Hannelore Goodwin, said that when we pray, we're usually saying "I want," affirming a feeling and belief of lack and scarcity. That really resonated with me, because after I've been pummeled over the head with New Age media hit "The Secret," I finally "got" that whatever we tell the universe we believe, it says yes to. Whether we're rejoicing or lamenting life and our being in it (rich or poor, beautiful or ugly, happy or sad), the universe affirms and creates circumstances to support our beliefs. I had a breakthrough while talking with my minister friend about my fears regarding this current major career move. I said, "Please send energy that this move goes successfully." He reminded me that what I want, in essence, has already happened (tricky, huh?), so if it has already happened, what exactly was I requesting that he send energy to? My answer was, "Send energy to my fear, so that I'm not scared in this process of making it happen." He said, "The opposite of fear is love, so I send energy that you are loving during this time." That was tremendously helpful to me, and I joked, "Ironically, my being loving will make this move happen!"
So now when I communicate with the source or the divine, instead of "I want," I am now saying "I have." Gratitude and "your will be done" (surrendering to the highest good or universal flow) are the best prayers, in my opinion. I feel a clear shift in energy, from fear and worry and appealing to the universe for assistance, to feeling blessed and empowered. I'm making a list now of "What I Have": talent, courage, love, luck, tenacity, hope, potential, support. Now that I'm working from this list, and going to god with feelings of gratitude, I feel joyful and my actions are coming from that — not worry or fear, but joyful memories of many times that things went well and were not only OK, but great! Another thing I learned from Goodwin's lecture is that the universe doesn't really hear or understand our words. It's our feeling and belief that come across. We don't have to worry so much about the words we use when talking to god, but focus on pleasant feelings, like joy and gratitude. After, all, what we focus on, grows. May all of your dreams keep coming true!


MOVING TO NEW YORK
Lots of people are asking me about it. Where will I live? What will I do for a living? Right now, I have no idea. But every moment, miracles are happening, and just as I found the place I am now, I will find my next place. But even better because NYC is where I am certain I should be. Friends with Arnold and in raw community is where I should be as well…but Lansdale, not so much.
I will write much more about my New York moving developments in my next ME! ME! ME! Newsletter, which I haven't written in many months. That will be the last time I write that from Pennsylvania, that is unless I'm here on tour someday and happen to write the ME ME ME then (iffn' my schedule will even support my writing that newsletter then!).


THE RAGS TO RICHES CHRONICLES
I'm thinking about money being energy, and how I have a lot of energy, and how little of my energy is actually used doing what I love, and how when I use my energy in ways that I love, I'm well compensated for my time, and how I also need to use my energy doing some things I don't love so much, such as booking, until someone else is doing that for me. All these thoughts about money and energy. Also thinking about how to get what you want, you have to be what you want. There's actually no here AND there. Just different shades of here.


THE DUCKLING/SWAN/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
At church today I met a vibrant and happy couple and asked them how they got together. The woman regaled me with a detailed story, and she said that it happened almost minutes after she said to the Universe that she was happy with her life exactly as it was, without a partner. That reminded me that I met my last boyfriend when I was so enthralled with my life and with being single. Why doeth el Universo have such a sense of humor? I don't actually want a boyfriend right now. But I feel I "should" have one. And I don't mean like society pooh-poohs singlehood, which it does, but I mean, I think I need a partner. Not someone to just be a companion, but someone who will actually help me reach my goals and dreams. But I know I have to be going for my dreams first, and then all the help comes along. After I bust my ass, just kiddin'!


RESTING UPON MOI'S LAURELS, AS IT WERE
Sometimes when I think about NYC, I think, wow, am I gonna be starting from scratch? How old will I be when I make it? Then I think, "not old". I'm gonna make it very soon! I've earned it! But then I think that's when people get into trouble – they start thinking the world owes them something and that nothing will ever be hard again. I've read lots of autobiographies and one consistent thing is that things always get hard for the strongest people. It's like we're muscles and we need weight to test our strength and characters. Stories as varied as those of Winston Churchill, Lisa Price of Carol's Daughter success, Joel Osteen, and Donald Trump all contain elements of glory and challenge. I'm then reminded that although I've accomplished some things I'm very proud of, when I go to NYC, I'll be starting from scratch insofar as living my dream is concerned. This can be grand, as I can wear, say, and be exactly what I've always wanted and dreamed. New York has no "story" about me yet. All it will know about me as an adult is what I tell it that I am. All my new fans will know is that there's a new rising star in town, and her name is Cassendre. (I should bottle up that confidence and take it with me on dates!) I'm ready to earn, and own, my glory in NYC. Why New York? That'll be in my next ME! ME! ME! Newsletter.


MY CURRENT INSPIRACCION, AS IT WERE
I'm in love with Chuck Mangione. Non-stop for two days I've been listening to "Give It All You Got" on YouTube. This was played at the 1979 Olympics. Chuck's a brilliant fluglehornist and composer. I grew up with his music and I'm thrilled that he's still doing his thing AND will be performing in NYC Dec 27-29th 2007!
I listen to this song, listening to it now, and am just so inspired. I want to go to NYC and "give it all I got". Chuck is also so humble and pleasant in the interviews I've read about him, and on his website's fan page. He's awesome, and listening to him reminds me that when we do what we love, we're surrounded by love, and people are attracted to that love, and they want it, and that's why we're then rewarded for doing what we love. Thanks, Chuck!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=jDxWLL6cHFo


Wishing you peace, joy, and fortune,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
2 weeks away from living in NYC!
1 day closer to performing with Gary Moore!


Thinking of going raw (or adding more raw to your diet)? For support or just be with nice, raw and raw-friendly folks, visit Arnold and the fab crew at Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Café & Store in Lansdale, PA. Website: www.arnoldsway.com

To reply to this, please leave a comment on this blog at www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

Thank you for your time.



© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 71 of 90

12/15/07

Weight: 189 lbs (gained 1 lb last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/17/07

FOOD – I was 50% raw today!
Filtered water
Lots and lots of ounces of green smoothie
2 big bowls of tomato & avocado (roughly 8 plumb tomatoes & exactly 2 avocadoes)
Chicken steak with no cheese
1 hamburger
2 slices of plain pizza
2 pastries

EXERCISE
nada

MEDITATION
zip

YOGA
Rien ("nothing" en Francaise – I think)

FEELINGS AND STUFF
Conversation with god: posing Moi-self the new questionne, as it were: "What does My God want?" Not Bush's god or Joel Osteen's god, but mine? Since god is created in our image. The answer I receive today is: Me to stay raw. Me to stay virtuous. At least not settling just to have physical contact. I'm not horney. I'm thoroughly skin starved. Hey- maybe what I need is a massage! Yes! Exercise, yoga, and regular massage from someone who doesn't want to have sex with Moi! God, my God, also wants me to 1) Move to NYC 2) Find a church with the name "Unity" in the title, and 3) Give it all to God. I think that means not only my worries, but also my energy. The energy that I'm now spending on silly boys, that is. How different my life could be if I focused my energy on the highest pursuits: of the Source and Inspiration of Moi's arte, as it were, of community, of friends and family. Not romantic pursuits with questionable, albeit intriguing companions.

THE RAGS TO RICHES CHRONICLES
..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold says "Make every moment count". I love how I started writing this blog months ago saying "Arnold this" and "Arnold that". Then we had our conflict and no mention of him. For a while we've been cool again, but I've been too busy to share this progress…and now I'm blogging again and it's back to "Arnold this" and "Arnold that". Just like the olden days! It's hard to be as busy and productive as Arnold (without turning into some kind of a machine), but then I remind myself that I can be very productive myself. I've never hardcore fundraised before. I had a great conversation about wo/manifesting with my new friend Michelle Pierson of Living Sun Foods. Michelle is a certified raw food chef and instructor.

Some of the wisest things she told me, which I wrote down, are:
1) A mantra she says all the time, "I intend to stay focused on what it is I want to create, and know that it is already on its way."
2) Believe that you're worthy of what you're manifesting. Really feel it. The feeling is a much more powerful vibration. Say, "I deserve this." Believe that you can create it. This lesson was major for me, because though I am the queen of affirmations and using words to create what I want, the emotions completely don't match. Intellectually I "know" that I am worthy of these things, after all, I am a living being and creation of the Most High, of course I deserve what I ask for. But emotionally, I am all screwed up, okay? There, I've said it. I have all kinds of feelings of inadequacy and shame and it never, ever occurred to me that those emotions might have been holding me back from creating what I want. For example, I want to create music a certain way, but I tell myself, "You can't do that. You can't compose. You can't even read music! How will you lead a band?" I want to play lead electric guitar, but then I think, "You can't do that! You didn't do very well with the electric you played years ago!" Blah blah blah. Whatever. And as far as money and making money, it's hard for me to negotiate well because I'm always settling for less than I deserve. Luckily, I'm learning some tricks o' the trade, such as always let THEM start the negotiations. I've gotten 75% more than I would've asked for simply by following this gem of a guide. Also, I think that a lot of my emotional stuff is tied into old stories I carry from being abused as a child. I think they're still very real, and I need to unlearn or retell those stories. I think a lot of this is solved if one focuses on the Most High. If I just listen to what I'm supposed to do, I'll do it regardless of what my feelings are about myself. But until then, I need to convey to the Universe as I ask for things that I believe that I am worthy of them. Not just in words, but in "feeling", which for an Aquarian to do takes Herculean strength. Wish I could take my technological facilitational devices and apply them to that. Oh, if I could "feel" the way I type or do my websites…or play guitar ;-)
3) Align your vibration or frequency to what it is you want. Match your vibrational frequency with the Universe.
Another cool concept. I believe this is a skill that can be easily learned. Think of it as a visualization exercise. Think of something that you want. Now, imagine that it has a certain radio frequency. You can imagine that's a number, like the station on the radio dial: 97.5FM for example. Or it can be electronic waves you imagine are in the sky, or the vibration/frequency can be a color. Or for the truly sensuous among ye, a fragrance. Now, think of yourself as creating or becoming those things: that number, the same shape wave, similar color, or scent. Now bring those together. What do you need to create that's on the same frequency as what you're asking for? The good news is that all you need to do is match frequencies; you don't need to actually create the whole entire thing. Ain't life grand? And here I am feeling frustrated because I don't really want to be here typing this thing, I want to be on stage opening for Roseanne Cash or sharing billing with Mary Chapin-Carpenter or Cheryl Wheeler. I want to be playing a duet with Gary Moore. I've decided I'm gonna talk about Gary Moore until it happens. Maybe his press will hear about it, and when I'm big enough, it'll happen! The same way that Seinfeld often worked in Superman in that show, I'm gonna say Gary Moore til I'm on a stage performing a lead electric guitar duet with him. Help me visualize it! It'll look much like the way his duet with B.B. King does, but instead of B.B. it'll be Moi! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqAuuIDU2sw

4) Listen to Dr. Wayne Dyer's radio show on www.HayHouse.com. He answers questions from listeners. For example, one woman called and said she really wanted to move to Australia and needed support to visualize and make that happen. He told her to surround herself with images and feelings of being "down under", from putting pictures on her walls at home to actually sleeping on the floor. This made me think about how there are certain things I'm putting off "til I get to NYC". I'm thinking that if this Dyer cat is right (I LOVE Wayne Dyer!), then I ought to be doing those things NOW and BEFORE I go to NYC. That, in fact, doing those things will help me get to New York much faster!
5) Get, and read, the book "Ask and It is Given" by Hicks. Let it live with, and be around you, until you're ready to read it.
6) Use brain frequency CDs as tools to transform your subconscious. Recommended: www.brainsync.com

THE DUCKLING/SWAN/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
Now that I'm all into god and stuff this week, I'm not worrying so much about boys these days. But I still think about, and look forward to playing with one again soon. Which reminds me, I'm going to my exes tomorrow night to spend time together like the olden days…and not just shaggin' either, but the whole bonding in front of the TV with Snickerdoodles, too. Why? Because I've been affectionately starved the last few weeks AND totally stressed out AND the 1 thing we've always done together is hug and cuddle, AND I'm leaving Philly in 2 weeks, that's why! But do I feel good about it? Dunno. One thing I do know is that when I imagine my future boyfriend knowing about it, it's fine. But when I imagine my future boyfriend knowing about the hooking up with Mr. "You're Not My Ideal", then that didn't feel so good, which is one of the reasons I cancelled it.
FRIENDSHIPS ARE TRULY VALUABLE
I went back and forth and back and forth about Mr. "You're Not My Ideal". We were talking several times a week, into the night, flirting, being sexy, talking about getting together. But clearly, I felt conflicted, because I kept canceling our plans. The final straw, that made me stop indulging the possibility of us getting together was that a good female friend of mine who had met him said to me, "I see what HE sees in YOU, but…" and being a kind and sensitive person, she hesitated here for a long time, looking for the best words… "Well, what do you like about him?" I could only think of one thing. And I felt that wasn't enough. My list of what I DIDN'T like about the guy was longer. So, I canceled our plans and didn't call him back when he asked me to. All this came from my friend's love and her showing me that I was attractive and valuable…something that my dating history (with men) certainly didn't provide me. This is why it's so important for people to never let their romantic involvements become more important than friends and family. Friends, especially the ones you aren't shaggin', are the ones who love you the most sometimes. But someday I may get hitched and completely change Moi's statement, as it were!

Wishing you love, light, and wholeness,
Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
2 weeks away from living in NYC!
1 day closer to performing with Gary Moore!

Thinking of going raw (or adding more raw to your diet)? For support or just be with nice, raw and raw-friendly folks, visit Arnold and the fab crew at Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Café & Store in Lansdale, PA. Website: www.arnoldsway.com

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 70 of 90

12/14/07

Weight: 189 lbs (gained 1 lb last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/17/07

FOOD – I was 50% raw today!
Filtered water
Lots and lots of ounces of green smoothie drunk during the day from 9am-1pm
(dandelion, spinach, kale, bananas, dates, water)
Cosi Bombay chicken salad with 2 extra breads, slice of apple spice cake, 2 large focaccia breads with sundried tomato tapenade.

EXERCISE
30 min brisk walking + 5 min uphill walking

MEDITATION
none

YOGA
None


FEELINGS AND STUFF
Drank green smoothie all morning til 1pm. Really felt good and considered a green smoothie feast. But then I chose the cooked, convenient, and abundant food! Very grateful to be here here and alive – thrilled! Today was my best day ever, and tomorrow can be even better. (The rest gets more kooky on accounta I'm falling asleep as I write…)


THE RAGS TO RICHES CHRONICLES
I see now that another person I was supposed to meet before moving to NYC was one of my housemates, who pushes my buttons but is a guru to me at the same time. We're becoming friends, and the more I let my guard down, the more I see I maybe didn't really need it (el guardo) after all. Something that's not always easy to see as I focus on My Blackness and Everyone Else In These Parts' Whiteness.
In addition to being a teacher to Moi spiritually, he is also helping me transform my thoughts about money, or the energy that money is.


THE DUCKLING/SWAN/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
Hey, guys, I have a little bit of advice for you. Are you ready for this? When you're flirting with a girl and you do it in front of witnesses and then you invite her to stay with you for a spell, yes, as in live for a while, don't say this when she discusses sleeping together: "I am so surprised!" And then, no matter what you do, don't say, "You're not my ideal. I usually go with slim white women with long hair." Don't say that. You know, to a melanin-enriched voluptuous short-haired chyk. For example. But here's where my Low Self Esteem With Men (but not with chyks who for some reason I'm a super catch to and therefore crazy confident with) came in: (after I laughed and had hard feelings) I actually continued the conversation with this socially challenged person. It turns out that he meant that he didn't like to be limited by his ideals and that he was very open to wonderful surprises. (Either that or he was just tryin' to save his ass and still get laid. Oh how genteel Moi is.)
Stay tuned, folks to see how much of this I put up with (she lamented, while being strangely intrigued and titillated simultaneousment, as it were).


Progressia, not perfectamante,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

Thinking of going raw (or adding more raw to your diet)? I highly recommend ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Café & Store in Lansdale, PA. For support or just be with nice, raw and raw-friendly folks, visit Arnold and the fab crew. Website: www.arnoldsway.com

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 69 of 90

12/13/07

Weight: 189 lbs (gained 1 lb last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/17/07

FOOD – I was 100% raw today!
Filtered water
Lots and lots of ounces of green smoothie
Raw salad of dandelion, spinach, kale, red onion, garlic, apple cider vinegar, extra virgin olive oil, cayenne pepper, turmeric, raw sunflower seeds, sundried tomatoes

EXERCISE
none

MEDITATION
none

YOGA
None


FEELINGS AND STUFF
4th day on the rag. Cycle brought on and helped by raw. Other things making life grand today: friends with ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold again and he's coaching me to get to NYC. Networking with helpful musician and NYC connecciones, if you will. My roommate was getting rid of his brand new vaporizer and gave it to Moi! My sinuses and throat feel much better. Have various kinds of love and lust in my life. Between that, the green smoothie/rawness, and my period, that my hips are getting wider and wider.


THE RAGS TO RICHES CHRONICLES
Arnold is helping me to step up Moi's game insofar as money is concerned. I've always trusted the universe, and go play the subway whenever I want the manna from heaven. But he uses goals, deadlines, and actual figures. This is a big switch for me, a challenge which is both exciting but feels high pressure at times. This is one of the many reasons I came to Lansdale, but didn't know I was at the time – to prepare for NYC.


THE DUCKLING/PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
A romance has begun with a guy I met in Suburban Station who invited me to do a house concert for him, which, after I checked him out (reference from a previous musician who'd sung at his house), I did, and it was amazing. The show, that is. Then things developed which gave me mixed feelings. Like, for example, he's maybe a little bit of a jerk. And my masochistic side likes that. And my inner child/god/self-love side tells me that maybe I don't need to maintain this connection. At least I'm not beating myself anymore for enjoying jerklike activity. I just accept, and flirt, and take the attention. Nothing physical has happened yet. I think that's probably a good thing. Thank god I'm not horney – otherwise Moi mighteth not be so discerning ;-)


Happy happy,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

Thinking of going raw (or adding more raw to your diet)? You can always get wonderful raw support and advice from Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Café & Store in Lansdale, PA. Visit Arnold and the fab crew at www.arnoldsway.com

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 68 of 90

12/12/07

Weight: 189 lbs (gained 1 lb last week)
Next weigh-in: 12/17/07

FOOD – I was 70% raw today!
Filtered water
Lots and lots of ounces of green smoothie
3 soft pretzels with mustard
2 grapefruit


EXERCISE
5 minutes steep uphill walking

MEDITATION
10 min

YOGA
None

Very tired, but gleeful and grateful. Had a very good busking day today – worked from 10am-6pm at Suburban Station w/only a few short breaks to eat & pee. I felt the direct result of my only having had 3 hours of sleep last night (from depressingly YouTubing til the wee hours of the morning – always inspirational, but never as good as the rest my body needs. My voice was definitely suffering. I think not only from the exhaustion but from not being used to singing for many hours. I had it down before but I'm out of practice – been months since I busked. Also dehydrated – not drinking enough water, plus I'm drinking green smoothies which for some reason always make me thirsty, and I've been sleeping with a space heater near my torso so I can write while lying down in my freezing room. I'm sure I'm drying up my little voicebox just like a prune. Not sexy. I'm gonna have to get a humidifier. And make myself a throat spray – maybe some vegetable glycerine in water. Made some connections today that may help me in NYC. Not worried about what I'm doing wrong, whether with diet or moving plans. Just taking steps – some public and some private.
I'm beginning to see the reasons I came to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Lansdale on my way to NYC.

I'M ON THE RAG AGAIN…YAY!
I am having a lovely period. Lovely and delightbul. Started two days ago –yesterday was a heavenly heavy flow day. Today milder but still significant. I love my period so much. It's so bloody sexy!
Oh, and in case you're all "why o Lord doeth she continueth to regale with details of her menses?" Because I've had a severely irregular cycle since the beginning, and the only things that regulate it are: being raw, and exercise. So there. Oh, and since the beginning I've also loved Moi's cyclical nature, as it were, so the major gaps made me sad. I miss it when it's not here, so I love the raw veganism because it brings it back. Yes, even when I'm eating soft pretzels with mustard. Go figure. Raw rocks.


Blessings to ye n' yern,

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com
www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier


To reply, please leave a comment on this blog at www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier
Thanks!

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 67 of 90

12/11/07


WEIGHT: 189 lbs (gained 1 lb in past week)
NEXT WEIGH-IN: 12/17/07

FOOD – I was 100% raw today!
filtered water
4 liters of green smoothie
collard greens with raw seasonings and a tablespoon of *fake mayo (*which i stopped eating because it made me feel gross)
raw dish featuring marinated mushrooms and collards
agave nectar
2 grapefruits
2 pastries


EXERCISE
none


YOGA
none


MEDITATION
20 min – great progress in my meditative practice!


Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
http://www.cassendrexavier.com/

Next show: Fri, 12/14 8pm Metro B, 4013 Walnut St, Philly 19104 $8, featuring classically trained violinist Dorothea DiGiovanni (performing my songs with me).

To reply or subscribe to this blog, please visit www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 66 of 90

12/10/07

WEIGHT: 189 lbs (gained 1 lb in past week)
NEXT WEIGH-IN: 12/17/07

FOOD – I was 100% raw today!
filtered water
144 oz of green smoothie
raw dish featuring marinated mushrooms and collards
agave nectar


EXERCISE
none


YOGA
none


MEDITATION
7 min



Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

Next show: Fri, 12/14 8pm Metro B, 4013 Walnut St, Philly 19104 $8, featuring classically trained violinist Dorothea DiGiovanni (performing my songs with me).

To reply or subscribe to this blog, please visit www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 65 of 90

12/9/07

LAST WEEK'S WEIGHT: 188 lbs (gained 4 lbs previous week from depression-inspired poor eating and lack of exercise)
NEXT WEIGH-IN: 12/10/07

FOOD – I was 40% raw today!
filtered water
2 liters + 16 oz of green smoothie (spinach, dates, collards, dandelion, bananas, 1 whole pineapple, water)
this is my first time using spinach. on sale 2.5 lbs $2.49. very creamy and light green color. i love it! and dr. norman walker in his book "raw vegetable juices" recommends spinach for treating hypertension and diabetes. prevention.
5 ½ choc chip cookies
8 bubble gum chicklets (the sugar & artificial flavors and colors made me feel bad.
turkey and gravy
stuffing made with bacon
mashed potatoes made with bacon grease (who am i???)
crackers
cheese
crab & cheese fondue
pie made of chocolate pudding, sweetened condensed milk, whipped cream and oreo cookie toping
pumpkin bread with french vanilla ice cream


DISGUSTING FEELING FROM DISGUSTING FOOD
Feel totally disgusting and cant believe I ate that. Must make a committment or decision soon. I can choose the raw and healthy or the bacon grease and disgusting.


DEPRESSED & SELF-PITYING
green smoothie made me aware of my feelings. i'm angry and feel hopeless. this blog is great because it allows me to see how self-pitying i am. Steve Wynn would never do this! Immaculee Ilibagiza would never do this!
I'm lost without exercise, yet I have very little energy or motivation to get up and do it.
The endless cycle that my self pity continues.
I can't continue many more days of writing this story – yet I won't lie either.
So something will and must soon change, if only to make the story better. (There was a time I wanted the story to be grand. Today I'll settle for "better", and someday I hope to have the goal of "grand" again.
But today I am at my former apt in Philly, packing up the last of my hundreds of books, CDs, DVDs, VHS, and cassettes, boxing them to be donated this coming week. I'm hoping they finda good home and land in the appropriate hands.
After the packing, I go to a party thrown by one of my dearest, closest friends and ex-lovers. I expect to eat massive amounts of unhealthy runraw unvegan food.
And I will do so with relish and as little guilt as I can muster.
I paced a gazillion bottles of green smoothie, which has been flooding my system and which will cleanse after the party.
May spend the night in Philly, I don't know. Just glad to have options.
Packed just enough money for my transportation costs today. Still managed to spend $1.20 on cookies and 25 cents on a bubble gum machine. Not having money on my person (leaving all extra cash and cards at home) to buy non raw-vegan food and snackery clearly is not the solution. A commitment needs to be made – and I'm not ready to make it. Not with this much stress and this much anger. Even my hair is falling out, the same way it did the months prior to my (finally mustering up the gumption and) announcing I was leaving my post as director of the Black Women's Arts Festival.
I'm going to be a woman who doesn't need to have her hair fall out to realize and honor her unhappiness.

EXERCISE
none


YOGA
none


MEDITATION
5 min



Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
http://www.cassendrexavier.com/

Next show: Fri, 12/14 8pm Metro B, 4013 Walnut St, Philly 19104 $8. Dorothea DiGiovanni will be playing violin to my music. This will be my last concert in the year 2007. I think. I'm not looking at my datebook right now...just trying to keep my eyes open to be honest. I am so sleepy!

To reply or subscribe to this blog, please visit www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier
© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 64 of 90

12/8/07

LAST WEEK'S WEIGHT: 188 lbs (gained 4 lbs)
NEXT WEIGH-IN: 12/10/07

FOOD – I was 100% raw today!
Filtered water
Lots of green smoothie (heavy on the dandelion, one whole pineapple. Very diuretic.)
3 grapefruits
2 ½ raw salads

EXERCISE
none

MEDITATION
30 min

YOGA
None

Progress: I meditated for the first time in a long time. And I was all raw. Wish I could feel happier about that. Oh, alright, I'm happy dammit.

AN OBJECT IN MOTION STAYS IN MOTION
Funny how when you're depressed you do one thing after another that keeps you that way (like staying in bed and feeling all down and not doing crunches and not meditating, and eating horrible, depressing food). And when you're not depressed, you do one thing after another that makes you more and more healthy and uplifted (like exercising, meditating, doing yoga, and eating great raw vegan food). Hard to make the switch from down to up. But it's starting to become necessary.
Listening to Kaki King right now, who I had the pleasure of seeing live at Tin Angel, one of my favorite venues.

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
www.cassendrexavier.com

Next show: Fri, 12/14 8pm Metro B, 4013 Walnut St, Philly 19104 $8. Dorothea DiGiovanni will be playing violin to my music. It'll be "sweet" as the fratboys say. This will be one of my last Philly shows for a while, as I'm NYC-bound, baby. Do joineth ourselves!

To reply or subscribe to this blog, please visit www.myspace.com/cassendrexavier


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 63 of 90

12/7/07


FOOD – I was 95% raw today!
Filtered water
Many ounces of green smoothie J
Raw salad
Raw pizza
Raw dish
Raw honey
Raw agave nectar

EXERCISE
None

MEDITATION
none

YOGA
none

MUSIC
3 hours practicing


Depressed and anxious today. Didn't get as much office work done as I wanted to. Rehearsed a good amount, but even while practicing, I thought: Balance. It's better to practice for one hour and use the other time to exercise and meditate. But I was feeling tired, bummed, and annoyed, so I just pleased myself with music.
Tomorrow I hope to do better, but I doubt it because I plan to spend the day making the most of my public transportation weekly pass – just go back and forth running errands for free. O my glamorous rock star life!

RAGS TO RICHES: FOCUS SWITCH- FANS TO RECORD COMPANIES
I have spent 16 years as an independent recording artist and freelance writer. Most of my focus was on my fans. I thought before I wrote any music or writing – what do they want to hear? What do they need to read? Always, everything came from within me anyway – my feelings or experiences in life – but I tailored things to be as commercial and universally viable as possible. But now my focus has changed. I recognize now that my work is appreciated. But I also know that it is very rarely purchased at full price. It's copied, lent, downloaded. And after having been in the same city for so long, I reached a saturation point, no matter how much my sound improved over the years, the numbers who attend my concerts didn't grow to match. That's when I realized I needed to change some things.
My needs as an artist also have changed. I used to be able to get enough done with just putting music out myself and selling it. But now I have more needs. I need a lot more support. And I'm not equipped as I thought I was to create that support network on my own as an independent artist- I need a team that's already there. A team of people who are somewhere in the world needing someone just like me. Someone who wants to show up when and where I'm supposed to be, get gussied up, and wow the audience straight outta their seats. I can no longer do this alone. I've grown too much. I need too much. I need to have someone who does my booking for me- I need to have a gym to go to first thing in the morning – I need some chyk (or deud) fixing my hair before I leave the house. I needs me a driver (or three). But for now, I take the bus and train.
Every step I take now, creatively or professionally, involves one thought: Would a record company be interested in this?
The interesting thing is that whatever they'd be into would also benefit my fans. I guess that's the great irony. That perhaps everyone would've done better, myself, my fans, and my first record company, if I had always maintained that focus.
But I also think of other artists, who never focus on anything other than their muse or their talent or their art/work, or their god. They eventually get the great record deal and the fans.
I guess it's my turn to figure out how I'm gonna do it. I suspect I need to pull out all the songs I've been afraid to do. That's what it keeps coming to. Just do the damn thing. Well, I guess the proof will be in the pudding –whether next year I'll be typing a blog from my home or from my hotel room or tour bus from some exotic country that my band and I are touring through.



Hopefully raw,

Cassendre Xavier
Performing Songwriter
http://cassendrexavier.com/


To view all previous blogs, or comment on this one, please visit
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier



© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 62 of 90

12/6/07


FOOD – I was 20% raw today!
Filtered water
No green smoothie L
2 grapefruits
Small meatball sandwich with provolone and swiss cheese
Small turkey sandwich
6 chocolate chip cookies
6 oreo cookies
1 large mug of hot chocolate

EXERCISE
5 min brisk uphill walking

MEDITATION
none

YOGA
none

GODWORK
Haven't slept or laid down in 48 hours (2nd time this week), but I feel I'm getting better.
Watching that Prince interview on Larry King gave me a lot of food for thought, but mostly reminded me to keep Mr. G (God) 1. "Without God," Prince says, "Nothing works."
I had forgotten/replaced that (God) with yoga, meditation, exercise, and raw foods, because all those things have God and bring you to God and make your path to God much shorter and clearer. But they are not pure God.
Not since early summer was I doing the work of remaking God in my own image and using it to the degree that others who are white and male and straight and used to God looking like them and saying things they agree with have I done the level of Godwork that would have helped me greatly. That level of Godwork led me to free weekly yoga and Pilates classes less than 3 blocks from my home, and a quick and final move from where I was and no longer where I wanted to be.
Now it's time to re-focus on God – my God (even though I still don't like the look and sound of that word) and use that universally available power to make another big move in my life – a move to where I've wanted to be for over a year – my birth city of New York. And the person I can be – one who maintains a raw food lifestyle, exercise, yoga, and meditation program, even (or especially) when the going gets rough.
So the question now is: "Who is 'God' to me?"
Perhaps I don't need to know. Perhaps that answer is not as important as remaining focuses on God – the Universal Source – as my 1 guide and strength in my life. Perhaps all else will "work" after that.


BREAKTHROUGH: GOD OF GIVING
The other day I asked God for a lot. I felt my chest expanding from its original place of tightness with being afraid or ashamed to ask. Of feeling I was being too selfish or greedy. Of shame for being so needy.
I soon realized that since my mantra "The Universe is vast and abundant" is absolutely true, then it was silly of me to constrict the gifts and blessings of God to a small and limited number of requests.
God is not our parents, as some of us have experienced them. God has no limits in giving – no human needs – no end to available resources – no shortage of time, love, generosity.
I decided to think of God as an endless source of love and giving – one that sees me as an adorable tot reaching little hands up to be held. I asked and allowed myself to be lifted up.



Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
http://cassendrexavier.com


To view all previous blogs, or comment on this one, please visit
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 61 of 90

12/5/07

I was 20% raw today!

WEIGHT: 188 lbs
I gained 4 lbs this week, due to depression, stress, reeating meat, fast food, less than 50% raw foods most days, and doing very little exercise.
Next weigh in – Monday 12/10/07

FOOD
filtered water
3 grapefruits
1 ½ turkey sandwich
1 small turkey and sausage soup
1 raspberry peanut butter brownie
1 small miso soup
3 orders of sushi, all with fish (salmon and tuna)

EXERCISE
aggressively hand-juiced 30 limes

YOGA
none

MEDITATION
10 minutes

A sad and angry day. I wasted a lot of money hurting myself with food. Started outwell – only green smoothies all morning, then at noon, packed 5 grapefrui and boarded a train for a photo shoot at Warmdaddy's with Byard Lancaster, Monica McIntyre, and Jafar Barron, all of whom are featured, with me, in Karim Lateef's forthcoming Street Musician documentary.
I went against my inner guidance to take a much earlier train, ended up stuck on the tracks due to snow, and I punished/rewarded myself with cooked food and meat, which I then continued for the rest of the day. Now, because I missed the shoot, my image will have to be super-imposed from a pre-existing photograph/image from my website.
On the one hand, I'm really upset with Moi-self for sabotaging an exciting new project, but on the other hand, I'm giving myself a break. If the train hadn't broken down, I'd have gotten there with a half hour to spare. And I am still depressed after all.
Can't run a marathon when you're half comatose.
Feel myself coming back, though. Asserted another boundary today. A dear but major downer of a close and longtime friend I had to let know I'm not available for a while. She was already depressing when I wasn't depressed. I might as well just take the razor to myself if I allow just one lengthy phone conversation. Why do I always forget how influential someone's energy is?

I just looked at my things to do list and I feel much better about my day's productiveness. I did a lot of major things, including:

1) Mailed credit sale receipts from most recent house concert to be processed and deposited
2) Called a restaurant general manager to follow up on a well-connected lead
3) Emailed colleagues some important info on our collaborations
4) Called 2 venues for gigs and booked one
5) Contacted a raw vegan NYC chef who's a friend of one of my contacts
6) Asked one of my biggest fans to shoot footage of me singing songs for YouTube posting
7) Added email addresses to my mailing list

So it wasn't perfect, but far from a wasted day.


Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier


When responding to this message, please do so by posting a BLOG COMMENT at http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier. Thanks!


Valya Boutenko 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXmR13gKpdg


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Apology

The following is a slightly edited reprint from my Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 52 of 60:

APOLOGY

I apologize if I offended anyone in airing perhaps too much of my household's dirty laundry. I did so because I've witnessed the person I was talking about being also very loose lipped when it comes to confidentiality, or lack thereof. I was getting tired of being talked about but never having my say to these people, many of whom are strangers to me, who had biased opinions, nor any other witnesses to our conflicts. I deleted (and will not mention this issue again in) the bulletins and blogs.

Cassendre Xavier

renaissance negresse
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 60 of 90

12/4/07

I was 100% raw today!

WEIGHT: 188 lbs
I gained 4 lbs this week, due to depression, stress, reeating meat, fast food, less than 50% raw foods most days, and doing very little exercise.
Next weigh in – Monday 12/10/07

FOOD
filtered water
over 4 liters of green smoothie (leafy greens & fruit)
3 grapefruits
1 large raw salad/vegetable dish
raw honey
agave nectar

EXERCISE
30 min aerobics
10 min spine stretch & bend

YOGA
75 min Kundalini yoga

MEDITATION
40 min

When responding to this message, please do so by posting a BLOG COMMENT at http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier. Thanks!


Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com/
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier

Valya Boutenko 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXmR13gKpdg


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 59 of 90

12/3/07

I was 40% raw today!

FOOD
filtered water
lots of green smoothie (leafy greens & fruit)
1 big fancy raw salads
small meatball hoagie with cheese
small tuna hoagie
small bag of potato chips
small bag of corn chips
4 fortune cookies

EXERCISE
none

YOGA
None

MEDITATION
none

MUSTERING UP THE GUMPTION: "DON'T CALL ME KIDDO!"
At the office where I do some of my work, there is a woman there who calls people in the workplace "kiddo". I find it offensive, condescending and inappropriate for a business setting. A few months ago I had an opportunity to say something, but I chickened out, because 1) she's black. 2) she's an elder, at least in her mid 50s, and I didn't want to "offend" her.
This time was different. I was seated the front desk working at the computer, and she walked by, calling me "kiddo" again. This time, I said, "[her name here], do you call me that because I'm younger than you? because I 'm 38 years old." She answered in a bold way, "Oh, I call everybody that," and turned her back to me as if to dismiss the issue, as if to say she would be continuing to call me that regardless of my protest. I wasn't about to let it go with her back and her insisting on continuing to call me "kiddo". I recognized that she's the matriarch in the building we share. She's the head honcha, as it were.
I said equally a boldly, and directly to her BACK, "Would you be willing NOT to call me 'kiddo', because I don't like it."
She slowly turned around then, and agreed. I felt very good and proud of my work at how I handled that.
Other than that: stress and indigestion. Procrastination, exhaustion, worry, and going to bed at my home only once very two days.

Gurmukh-Unlock Your Unlimited Power
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8Bbr4V6FBs

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 58 of 90

12/2/07


I was 60% raw today!

FOOD
filtered water
lots of green smoothie (leafy greens & fruit)
2 big fancy raw salads
20 oz fresh carrot juice
2 McDonald's hamburgers
2 McDonald's double cheeseburgers
hot chocolate
candy

EXERCISE
running errands in center city, philly

YOGA
None

MEDITATION
10 minutes

MUSIC
practiced for 2 hours

More fear, anger, anxiety, stress, and indigestion.


Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier


Iyanla Vanzant: Working through Fear
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjvndMe_WlU&feature=related

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 57 of 90

12/1/07

FOOD
filtered water
lots of green smoothie
yesterday's leftover of breaded chicken parmesan with spaghetti
candy
3 grilled corn on the cob
2 small chicken kabobs
2 small lamb kababs
2 small vending truck packs of chocolate chip cookies

MEDITATION
Nothing

YOGA
Nothing

EXERCISE
Nothing

Lots of anger, fear, anxiety, negativity, stress, and acid indigestion. Still I focus on the fact that years ago, I would've eaten twice as much bad stuff and no green smoothies. Also dwelling less on what's going wrong and refocusing on what's going well.

Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.