Friday, November 30, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 56 of 90

11/30/07

FOOD
Filtered water
at least 4 litres of green smoothie
20 oz 60/40 raw, fresh squeezed carrot/beet juice blend with sprinkles of cayenne pepper, cinnamon, and turmeric
chocolate chip cookies
raw salad/veggie dish
raw honey
anger food: vending truck chicken breast, chicken steak, AND kielbasa sandwiches (1 of each)
breaded chicken breast parmesan with spaghetti
house salad
candy
tabelspoon coconut oil

EXERCISE
30 minutes aerobics

MEDITATION
30 minute session
10 minute session

YOGA
60 minutes Kundalini practice

Totally used this opportunity to rest alone in an empty house – a friend's comfortable house with a guestroom with a bed and lots of love-giving sunlight and food that's not good for me.
I can gorge myself, nap, and forget the drama and problems in my life.

Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier

Iyanla Vanzant "Healing Principles"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhrjsHcgXcY


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 55 of 90

11/29/07

FOOD
Filtered water
green smoothie (cacao & spirulina, with organic red apples)
chocolate covered pretzels
4 egg omelet with lots of vegetables, butter, cream cheese, and provolone
2 slices of whole grain wheat toast
16 oz carrot juice

MEDITATION
Nothing

YOGA
Nothing

EXERCISE
Nothing
Totally used this opportunity to rest alone in an empty house – a friend's comfortable house with a guestroom with a bed and lots of love-giving sunlight and food that's not good for me.
I can gorge myself, nap, and forget the drama and problems in my life.


Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier

Louise Hay & Christiane Northrup at I Can Do It: Las Vegas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GH9VibZqtHs
Louise L. Hay is the author of (among other bestsellers) You Can Heal Your Life. Christiane Northrup wrote the bestselling Women's Bodies Women's Wisdom

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 54 of 90

11/28/07

FOOD
filtered water
green smoothie (*very heavy on the leafy greens, plus fruit, and water)
bananas
dates
water
several organic red apples
lettuce
collard greens
dandelion
4 pears
(*because i felt i have a lot to repair: Thanksgiving, stressful conditions of home and work)
8 meatballs with sauce (at house concert, made by the woman who hosted the concert, and plays violin in my group)
crudites
chocolate covered pretzels
chocolate chip cookies
green smoothie with cacao and spirulina
fresh squeezed carrot juice with organic vegetables.
MEDATION
30inutes
YOGA
none
EXERCISE
30 minutes housework
10 minutes jumping on the trampoline slowly (it felt more comfortable today)
It is now about 12 noon, and i haven't been to bed/sleep since the night before last. That's not good, but at least I can see that I'm upset, and I can start getting better.


Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 53 of 90

11/27/07

FOOD
filtered water
Green smoothie
4 grapefruit
2 small spiralized yellow squash with the juice of ½ a lemon & Noma Shoy (would've tasted better without the Noma Shoyu)

MEDITATION
30 minutes – morning
30 minutes – night
How I meditated: lying on my back with my hands up in one of the Kundalini mudras (hand configurations), holding my thumbs up and holding a sacred stone or object, following my breath and focusing on the sensation of my thumb pressing the pointed tip of the crystal. I didn't always meditate like this – usually I sit either on a chair or in lotus position. But lying down ensures that I spend much more time in meditation.

YOGA
60 minutes Kundalini Yoga with Gurmukh (DVD) – highly recommended. ISBN 1592503802

EXERCISE
30 minutes aerobics
300 crunches
20 minutes uphill bicycling, which my esteemed colleague Paris Hilton says is "hot!"

HOW MY BODY IS CHANGING
Less jowly.
Back shoulders smaller.
Can cross my legs more easily when seated.
Can stay in crouched positions for long, and bend more easily.
Can sit on floors more easily.
Can eat less food and be more satisfied.
Already tiny hiney is disappearing.
Rings and belts looser.
Tight high heels more comfy.


Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier



© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog - Day 52 of 90

11/26/07

Went to bed at midnight craving and wishing for a spiralina and cocao green smoothie. I may never drink a non-cacao spiralina smoothie again!

FOOD
Green smoothie
bananas
dates
water
organic red apple
lettuce
collard greens
dandelion
big meal of: carrot juice mulch, collard greens, red onions, red pepper, mushrooms, garlic, Noma Shoyu, celtic sea salt, extra virgin olive oil, lemon juice, apple cider vinegar and an herbal sea salt condiment including celery leaves, lee, watercress, and garden cress, onion, chive, parsley, lovage, garlic, basil, marjoram, rosemary, thyme, kelp with trace iodine.
grapefruit
raw honey for dessert
ginger, cinnamon tea with agave. cooked white rice with black beans, pasta, and sauce with raw greens and apple cider vinegar. today i've been eating a lot of sodium. it was a good step to use apple cider vinegar in place of salt for this dish. it really hit the spot. the previous dish was never salty enough, which should've been my clue that i was craving apple cider vinegar. stress and arguments at home left me primed for emotional, late night eating. four carrots dipped in fake mayo. better than i used to do!

MEDATION
25 minutes

YOGA
Kundalini Yoga with Gurmukh (DVD) – highly recommended. ISBN 1592503802

EXERCISE
30 minutes aerobics

WEIGHT/NEW
184 lbs (lost 3 lbs)

BODY LISTENING
jumped on the trampoline/rebounder. felt it was bad for me because of my high blood pressure – like shaking a closed soda bottle. so i stopped, no matter how good rebounding supposedly is for you.

RECIPE: GINGER LEMON TEA (NOT RAW)
ginger root sliced and chopped thin, boiled briefly in water, fresh lemon juice added later, raw honey or agave nectar as sweeteners

APOLOGY
I apologize if I offended anyone in airing perhaps too much of my household's dirty laundry. I did so because I've witnessed at least one person being also very loose lipped when it comes to confidentiality, or lack thereof. I was getting tired of being talked about but never having my say to any other witnesses. (I deleted the bulletins and blogs.)

Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 51 of 90

11/25/07

This week's weight: 184 lbs (3 lb weight loss)
Last week's weight: 187 lbs
Weight at start of raw vegan journey: 214 lbs
Next weighing: Monday Dec 3, 2007
I was 99% raw today! (*Some condiments ain't raw, yo.)

FOOD
· Filtered water
· Massive amounts of Green Smoothie: (some that my friends made with fresh pineapple, spiralina, and clorella, some that I made with water, dates, bananas, lettuce, collard & dandelion greens, organic red apple, and strawberries. My friend told me, when I tasted my batch and it was almost spoiled, that strawberries don't keep for very long. I take about an hour to make several days of Green Smoothie in advance, and also to have to take with me. I'm an on-the-go gal!)
· Raw dish of marinated mushrooms, *Bragg Liquid Aminos, Noma Shoyu, red onion, fresh garlic, parsley, and water
· A banana and mango smoothie made by one of my housemates. It was thick and absolutely delicious!

EXERCISE
40 minutes of hardcore…bicycling! What? What'd you think I'd say?! Oh, you are naughty!
Bicycling makes Moi so happy! It's so easy, and fun and it doesn't take long. Also, I can, and I have been lately, just riding up and down one long street by my house, for as long as I can stand it. And then go back. It's awesome! It's so important to find exercises you enjoy. And I've love bike riding since I was but a wee lass. Yay!

MEDITACCIONE (IF YOU WILL)
45 minutes. Wow! Did I just write that? Yes, I did. I don't know if you've been following but how long did I meditate before? 10 minutes. That's right, ladies and gents. Then I upgraded to 20, then 30, and now 45. I don't know why other people meditate, but I do it to rest my brainal region. To recharge le battoire, as it were. After all, how am I 'sposed to take over the world in the near fyoochore with Moi's breathtaking beauxtay and siren-like voix, without some rest and relaxaccione of the mighty cerebellum. I ask you!

I WANT A PUBLISHING DEAL!
I'm sorry. That was totally unrelated. I just think that since I'm spending a lot of time every day writing this thing and it's not just "I ate a potato today. Good-bye!" that the Mistress Lady C ought to be compensated for her time, n'est pas? Moi is not saving this story for a manuscript that I'll submit in the next few months or years. I want to put it out there now. So I'm just gonna say it now and put it out there in the universe:

I am willing and ready to receive a big and wonderful recording contract,
AND
I am willing and ready to receive a big and wonderful publishing deal.

There you go. Now I've got some other work to do go 'head' n' co-create or wo/manifest that! Yay!
P.S. Think that prayer/visualisaccione/spell doesn't or won't work?
Here's what it's gotten me so far:

· A 4 – bedroom house I rented for 3 years
· 5 free computers
· My longest and best relationship with a guy
· And some other stuff I can't think of right now. It really works!

YOGA
None.
I am willing and ready to receive a regular yoga practice. Just kiddin', Lord/Universe! Please don't smiteth Moi down!

ELIMINATION STATION
"I am so happy with my digestive system," cheerfully, yet calmly claimed someone who shall remain nameless. He was talking to another woman and myself, we were all talking and having fun, and we asked him some questions. He said, "I poop all the time, all day long." I think that's great. I said to him, "That's great! So many Americans don't feel that way." And he said, "Yeah, that's because they're eating hamburgers!" Which is true. There are all kinds of differences, which I won't go into because while I love calling this the "Elimination Station," and regaling countless strangers with the intimate processes of Moi's internal qualitacciones, as it were, I, yes, even Moi – self, must draw the line somewhere! (Also, it occurred to Moi that I might have been possibly turning off some future boyage. But then I remembered that one of the biggest fans of Moi's intestinal fortitude AND writing is a guy who likes me a lot. So, I'm gonna just keep being myself!

DUCKLING/ SWAN / PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
Had a breakthrough around the whole "fear of men's sexuality" thing and one of my housemates, who happens to have a doctorate in metaphysical studies…( MAN I'M GOOD!) gave me a tool to use.
I was asking him what words I could tell myself to calm myself down and allow a guy to dig me and make some moves. Since that always freaks me out. But I do want that, I just want to be able to handle it. He said, "Well, you could just tell the guy(s), "I need to go very slowly, [in getting to know you]", etc. That had never occurred to me ---whoah, wait a minute – flashback:
My boyfriend of a few years ago invited me to lunch at his house. Since we'd just started dating hot and heavy and had been sexual at most if not all of our get-togethers, I think I assumed that he would "just" want to be sexual. But I think I wasn't feeling that way that day – that I just wanted to have a nice time together without that intensity. But instead of what I would do today, which is ask, clarify, express myself, and then make a request or state a boundary, I cancelled at the last minute (again, a testament to Moi's weak boundaries at the time – that it took me that long to figure out that I didn't want to go, or rather I knew right when he asked me the day before, but was too afraid to say no). Then we talked about it, and I told him why I had cancelled our lunch. He was really upset and angry because I'd not only made an (incorrect) assumption, but I then made a decision based on that assumption – and a decision that affective him - negatively. It turned out he'd had no intention of fooling around, but had prepared a nice lunch for us and had been looking forward to my company. It's interesting to me that men become more emotionally intimate and comfortable through sex and women become more sexually expressive and responsive through emotional intimacy.
It's just part of the beauty and challenge of male/female relationships as far as I can see. Here I was thinking he "only" wanted to fool around, and our few times of fooling around had made him like me even more, so much so that he just wanted to be close to me and talk and not fool around.
That was a big breakthrough for me, especially since he was so upset. I felt like he really cared about me that he was upset to have missed an opportunity to be with me. I think as a survivor of child/sexual abuse, you have a longer road to discovering all the angles of sexuality with a partner. But the good news is that with time, you do learn, and things do get better.

AM I A BLOGGER OR AM I A MUSICIAN?
Every couple of years, I go through a thing where I question my writing. Why do I write so much? Why don't I record more? And the truth is, I do record. I've recorded 8 albums, and released 7, 6 of which were released between 2002 & 2004. So, it's not like I've been a slouch in the music department.
Still, after I've spent hours writing (and enjoying writing) a blog or newsletter, I go through several emotions. If I receive feedback and business, I feel I've spent my time well, and I feel like, "Yes! I am a good writer! I have spent my time well! I am a true artist! People need Moi!" If I don't get any feedback or business, I feel like, "Fuck! Why am I wasting my time doing all this writing! I should be doing something else! I should be trying to get gigs! I should be performing much more often! I am such a LOSER!!"
I had a really great thought, though. One of my new acquaintances, writer Victor "The Madman" Sjodin, told me that after he publishes one of his revealing and controversial articles, he feels really bad, like he shouldn't have sent it. I feel like that a lot! But just as I told him his work is gold, and really really important, and precious, and necessary, and healing, and funny, and inspiring, so is mine!
Now, it is true that doing my first love will bring me all of what I want much faster, and a wee more time management definitely couldn't hurt, and in fact be better for my writing as well. I know that I can get more out of life if I plan how much time I spend writing and make sure my life is balanced by having enough musical outlets. My music is my primary gift, my primary joy, and my primary love. I know that everything I want will come to me when I am giving myself as fully to it as it wants me to. Without fear and with all the passion that's awaiting my expression. But in the meantime, I write too much and play music too little. But not for long! That's what this blog is for!

OH THE RACISM! OH THE SEXISM!
I am living among some very interesting people – all white. Some of them I'm friends with, some I'm not, some are seethingly racist and sexist and some are not. Right now I am really grateful for this opportunity to open my eyes, get tougher, and really, really appreciate my women/feminist/of color friends. I really think I am in a sort of boot camp for the next big level of my life. These are the kinds of people I'll be dealing with when I make it big, and now I'm learning how to deal with them.
As a black woman artist, one of the biggest and most common things I encounter is white men who feel threatened by my power and sense of myself. I have been almost called an "uppity nigger" twice in the last several weeks. One of the white males I live with, who, to my knowledge, has no black friends, has told me more than once that I should be "more humble". Another just tonight, twice referred to me, not as "Cassendre", but as "she" and I was sitting right there. When I called him on it, he sarcastically said, "Well, you might want me to call you "Your royal highness" or something like that, but I won't do it." It was supposedly a joke, but I heard and saw the truth through his forced joke.
This outburst of his happened seconds after I touched on what was a probably a loaded subject – what he did for money and what he wanted to do for love. He was saying that he worked a day job to make money so that he can do what he loves for free. I said to him, "Well, isn't it supposed to be that you do what you love and that brings the money?" and he said, defensively (while I was writing at the computer – doing what I love as a self-employed artist), "Really? And how's that workin' for you?" I guess he was assuming that I wasn't doing very well as an artist. He continued with his assumption, and I clarified that no, I don't have a day job. I am fully self-employed. All my money comes from my music and my writing. I think that triggered something in him and suddenly I'm someone he needs to attack. A dark – skinned unfuckable woman. (He's really hard up for a thin white woman who looks nothing like me – and in this instance I don't mind one single bit.)
I could list many other instances, but what I want to point out is that just the other day I thought this guy was a hero, because he showed me another face. And the other guy, the one who told me to be more humble, also is seen as something of a hero. And both of them are. I believe we all are powerful in our own way. But when you're black and you move to a mostly white suburb and into a house with all white people, you meet a different element.
I am also thankful for these experiences, because they illustrate to me that I am a powerful black woman. And I am well humble when and how I need to be, without their coaching thank you very much.
It also just occurred to me that the "your highness" guy is very unhappy being single. He's very horny and very desperate. Meanwhile, I'm content with my life and singlehood. Maybe he's jealous of me for that.
It also just occurred to me just now that I'm sitting here writing fiendishly, editing, printing, doing what all my housemates now know as "working", and reviewing my work that perhaps I appear intelligent. Perhaps they're jealous of me for that. Perhaps they aren't well educated and indeed do perceive me as an uppity negresse.
I would love to hear from black women artists if they can relate to any of this. Please use the blog comment section for speakery. Thanks!

In power (and self-selected humility),

Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva & renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com
http://myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 50 of 90

11/24/07

At last weekly weigh - in: 187.2 lbs.
In 2005, when I started going raw: 214 lbs.
Next weekly weigh - in: Monday, 11/26

I was 99% raw today!

FOOD
Filtered water
Massive amounts of Green Smoothie
House salad
Marinated mushroom dish with collard greens, garlic, red onion, water, Noma Shoyu, Bragg Liquid Aminos, lemon, agave nectar. My 1- year old housemate liked it!


YOGA
I spent an entire hour teaching yoga to one of my (non-raw) housemates and a (aspiring/partly raw) new friend of mine – both young moms with their tots in the room with us! Actually, I was teaching what I know to my housemate, who had never done yoga before ad knew nothing about it, although she'd ridden horses her entire girlhood and was already more fit and flexible than she thought she was. And my friend has been doing yoga for years and taught both myself and my housemate new things as we went along. It was really fun and we're going to do more yoga again soon! [Progress: Iffn' you would've told me 6 months ago that I'd be teaching yoga to people…!)


MEDITATION
None. I'm sure you know my mantra by now: "Progress, not perfeccione, as it were."


EXERCISE
Also, none, unless you're countin' ye olde yoga, which I'm not, on accounta I wanna be a hot chyk who does yoga AND meditaccione AND exercise every weekday. Even the good lord rested on the weekend, for cryin' in a *bucket (*pronounced "boo-KAY", of course). As in "Hyacinth."


THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY IN RAW PLANT FOODS
One of my housemates brought home the movie "Shrek 3". In it, there's a king who wants to be king but is all mean to the people and junk (I'm sorry, I was watching out of the corner of my eye while talking to a friend – and giving her my undivided attention, I'm sure!). And there was this other nice guy who got all the people to believe in themselves – he told them that each of them was the only thing standing in their own way. He reminded them of their own power, and as a result was rewarded, unexpectedly for him, the kingdom. I believe that the folks who are the most powerful are the ones who work to empower others to make their own decisions. This is something that's been coming up for me in the raw vegan so-called "community" which I'm realizing, is, like many other so-called "communities", not really one community at all, but a whole bunch of cliques, groups, and networks, several of which I happen to belong to, albeit questionably a this point.
This is one thing I've been learning by the ones I trust the most: No one can tell you what to eat or not eat. Actually, that's not true. It seems everyone wants to tell you what to eat or not eat. But raw vegan fitness expert and advocate Richard Blackman said in one of his YouTube posts that when he's asked by folks, "What should I eat?" he responds, "You're the only one who can answer that." He believes, and so do I, that everyone's body is their only guide for what they should eat. Every fruit, vegetable, nut, or seed you want or are attracted to is what your body needs, and everything you don't like or aren't attracted to is what your body doesn't need or want. A real "guru" teaches you to rely on your own inner voice and inner guidance. A real spiritual teacher teaches you that there's no barrier between you, the Divine, or what you're seeking. The best guide is the one you eventually don't need anymore.
I think it's great to read the books and get the advice on what folks are doing and what they recommend, but in the end, you're the only one with your particular body, its his/herstory, it's chemical make-up, and its current state of health. Your choice of what to eat, what not to eat, and your style of being raw will be as unique as your thumbprint or any snowflake. You can be 50% raw, 100% raw, eat whatever non-raw you want, even only be partly raw vegan, but as long as you're eating raw foods, and promoting the lifestyle, culture, and nutritional benefits to others to choose what they want to do, and to educate your family and network about these healthy options, then I believe that's raw enough. I believe that's making a big change and difference in the world.

I Have and Am Reading This Book: The Complete Book of Raw Food: Healthy, Delicious Vegetarian Cuisine Made with Living Foods (Paperback)by Lori Baird (Editor), Julie Rodwell (Editor)


I DON'T FEEL FAT OR SCARED ANYMORE
I know my scale says I am, but between my slimming body, my exercising, and visualizing, I do not now see myself as fat. Also, I am building systems to handle myself in situations where my boundaries are tested and where I need to set limits and say no.
For example, there is a person in my life who is incredibly domineering and bosses around people I am around. I hear things happening that I think are entirely inappropriate. When I am talking with this person and I hear things being said to me I think are inappropriate, even though I know this person gets away with certain things with other people, I am not allowing the same thing to happen to me.
Still, I did not start practicing this a long time ago. I'm very new at it, so I am experiencing both the sting of the past reputation I have created for myself for taking a lot more nonsense than I am becoming able to tolerate. Also, it's been hard to go back to recreate myself with people who met me when I had lower self esteem and flimsier boundaries. It's hard to go back and be all, "No, wait a minute, I will not tolerate your treating me like this," when I'd been not only tolerating, but almost in some cases, asking for it. It's a tough thing to handle, but I'm rewarded by my boundaries being honored, and by my increasing strength in changing and improving my behavior, self-esteem, and self-image.

This Book Helped Me a Lot: Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin (Hardcover)by Anne Katherine


DUCKLING/ SWAN/ PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
I am having a romance with the universe. I am in love with my life and my surroundings. I value each of my friendships and treasure the loving moments in my life, whether with family, friends, women, platonic or flirtatious friendships with men.
I remember now that the times I've met my best and longest-lasting partnerships where times I was thoroughly in love with my life. I met my last boyfriend three days before my play "Sex for Survivors" opened at the Philly Fringe Festival. I was feeling really happy, sexy, and beautiful. I had been spending time visualizing a great boyfriend, and telling myself that the world was filled with wonderful men. But most importantly, I was just plain giddy about my life. I was newly self-employed as an artist, doing what I love 100% of the time, for the first time in my life, and just walking to my "office" (college library) to spend a blissful day in front of the computer. I was super happy that day, carrying fliers for my play, and just so thrilled to be going to my favorite place for a long day of fun. It was a wonderful time. Then, there he was, walking along with his bicycle. Green eyes, a ponytail, and that crunchy granola camper look that weakens my knee-al regions. Anyway, days later he was at my play, weeks later we were holding hands in a movie theatre, months later we were in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Kalamazoo recording my 6th album. We were together for 4 years. That's just one story of a love I met through just living my life.
And now, I feel the same way. Like I'm a ripe for the pickin' iffn' you will. But I also know this will take some time, and I'm really enjoying the process along the way. I don't know why I'm not sad that I'm single, but at the same time really looking forward to an exciting romance in the near future. I'm not sure why. My only explanation might be that in doing this emotional work on my body, I've been less of a black/white, on-off emotions type of person.
Now, I live more often in the gray areas. I think because I'm feeling more and sublimating less, exercising and doing other things besides eating, and speaking up, being confident, and enforcing boundaries, all this means I'm more open to my emotions. I have more tools for handling them now. Although I'm not made of wood and still am weak sometimes, I'm no longer satisfied with using food on a regular basis to numb intense feelings away. I have bicycling for my anger now. I have crunches. I have yoga. I meditate. I write this blog. I have more raw, spiritual, and physically active friends (of course, that's because I'm more raw, spiritual, and physically active!). I take more risks. So I think that's why I'm both happy to be single, growing, and preparing, and looking forward to the next great relationship.
I think that's because I'm living my theory of "Everything else is extra."
A fabulous woman once said, "Life is too short to drink bad wine." I think life should be totally enjoyed regardless of what one's partnership or lover situation is like. Everything outside of your interests and friendships should be extra. Granted, no one is an island, and loneliness is understandable – we are meant to need each other and the same way that pain is a helpful thing to keep our bodies safe (if we didn't feel it, we'd have chunks taken out of us accidentally all the time!), I believe loneliness makes sure we bond and make babies to keep things going.
Still, I think we spend too much time sometimes away from the things that would make our lives fun. Ironically, it's doing those fun things, while we're single, that then gets us to meeting the people who may either become our sweeties, or our friends who may somehow lead us to our sweeties.
I don't know exactly what the universe is planning for me insofar as a fabulous new boyfriend is concerned ("hint-hint", Universe!). What I do know is that I am in love with grapefruit, with my new home, with my life, with smiling, with my continually improving body and outlook, with the company of my new men and women friends, and my own growth and progress. Yay!


I Love This Book! Connecting in Philadelphia II (Paperback) by Ruth B. Harvey
(It's available at Borders Book Shop)


Sincerely in hot rawness,


Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva & renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com

Friday, November 23, 2007

New pictures – 30 lbs lighter from adding raw!

Greetings and salutational devices to you, my raw vegan practicing and curious friends!

I just posted new pictures of my 30 lb weight loss since I began eating raw foods in 2005.

I hope you enjoy my bangin' posture (all praises due to live greens and 6 months of yoga). I know I do!

Vieweth thyself my "Raw Vegan Transformation" photo album at: http://myspace.com/cassendrexavier


Roughage,

Cassendre Xavier
renaissance negresse--
http://cassendrexavier.com

(Click there for details about my next live concert on 11/28 featuring raw singing-songwriter Shawna Morris)

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 49 of 50

11/23/07

At last weekly weigh - in: 187.2 lbs.
In 2005, when I started going raw: 214 lbs.
Next weekly weigh - in: Monday, 11/26

I was 50% raw today!

FOOD
Filtered water
Massive amounts of Green Smoothie substance
Raw broccoli and other veggies
Raw carrot, red pepper, mushrooms, garlic, greens, red onion
Triscuits (small amount)
Lay's Potato Chips (moderate amount)
Milk Dud candies (like, 4 little milk duds)

Circumstances of non-raw eating: Spending quality, spiritual time with dear ones. Not worried about the kind of food and snacks I'm offered. Ate with a spirit of lightness and fun! (Then, went home and washed it all down with Green Smoothie!)

EXERCISE
300 crunches

MEDITATION TIME
30 minutes (triple what I'm used ta!). It's a goal of mine to increase my daily meditation from 10 to 30 minutes, mainly because my brain is so active for 24 hours, between waking and dreaming hours, that I really need more opportunities to allow and train it to rest. Nothing made that clearer than talking to my Gemini friends these last two weeks, which have somehow brought out every single Gemini I have known and not dated. Mayhap because the moon is in Gemini right now? Methinks so, perhaps! (Oh, by the way, Gemini is an air sign like mine, Aquarius, and they're super duper active in the brainal department. Almost disturbingly so. If by "disturbing" you understand Moi to mean "hot"! Hot to an Aquarian nerd techno geek writer grrl, that is!) But, yeah, they're brilliant. Very active minds, but they feel overwhelmed sometimes, as we all do, and I want to be the nursery school teacher with them, clap my hands together and go, "Okay! Naptime! Put the binky back in your cubby and go lie down!"

YOGA TIME
Wish I could say I did me some yoga today, but alas I did not. But I have included this seccione, if, you will, to ensure my motivation to fill it with something more substantial than, "Wish I could say I did me some yoga today, but alas I did not." For example. Just for starters.

ARE GREEN SMOOTHIES FOOD COMBO – EXEMPT?
You could consider this an informal "Elimination Station" report, but I've noticed that if I've eaten stuff I shouldn't, then just chugging a bunch of Green Smoothie just sort of normalizes the whole deal and helps it along its way to the outside world, where it can breathe, play, and be out in the sun with the other little children.
And if I'm at the computer with several hours of work (a.k.a. "trollin' for giggage" – at least that's how it feels to me – someday the person who does my booking probably won't call it that, or feel like it is that) and fun (a.k.a. "writing"), I just drink green smoothie to completely fill me up so that there's less room and time for eatin' stuff I oughtn't. I've just noticed that green smoothie is so happy to be in my tummy, that it forgives whatever's there in its way, and does a little dance with it so that they all get along and the green smoothie does what it needs to do, and that is heal and love and get the hell outta there, takin' all the bad stuff along with it!

CRAZY EYES, OR: THE RAW ENERGY BALANCE
My brother affectionately calls my Gemini Writer (good friend and) Ex - Boyfriend Number 2 "Crazy Eyes". Now, he's not scary or anything, just intense and shy and that makes for what my people affectionately call "you crazy white people" look a little, oh, I dunno, a little serial killeresque. But my ex is perfectly sweet and safe – albeit a wee different in the eye contact area. Anyhoo, I bring this up to say that 100% raw vegans, especially people who eat a lot of sweet fruit, I think tend to have a little too much "up" energy and too wide-open, out-jutty eyes sometimes.
I've seen pictures of, and in person, folks who eat a lot of fruit and honey and cacao, and they're eyes are just jumpin' outta their heads. Those foods are just super high energy creating, and there should be a balance. Yams and coconut oil really are very grounding for sweet fruit eaters. I don't know, I just feel sometimes like the folks I'm around are a little too "open-eyed" for me. I wish they'd take a nap. Or calm down. Or get a massage. Or get in a Jacuzzi and be quiet or something.
And I know it's because right now I have cooked food in my system. I do recognize that the cooked and the raw look and act very different to one another. I want to be a balanced raw or mostly raw person.
Exercise is a key, I think. The strange thing about exercise is it both gives and burns energy. I think exercising is a great way to spend the high amount of energy that raw food and green smoothies give. But I also think that exercising gives you energy. So if it adds to the energy you're trying to spend, then what's the solution? Eating some cooked foods for balance? I personally think sex might be a wonderful way to use that energy. And I don't just mean doin' it til you want to just take a nap, since that's not usable advice for those of us who do Taoist and Tantric exercises that actually give rather than take energy. But that's another issue for another time… You're probably not ready for this kind of thing, yet. Gotta work you up to it J. (I'll soon be adding new articles about raw vegan sexuality.)
Even if I ever go 100% raw again, I want to be balanced, relaxed, inspirational but not preachy, high energy but not hyper. I want to have bedroom eyes, not crazy eyes. That's my goal. Join Moi, won't thyself?


Sunshiny bike rides to ye!


Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva & renaissance negresse
http://cassendrexavier.com



© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 48 of 90

11/22/07


Next weekly weigh in: Monday, Nov 26

I was 40% raw on this Thanksgiving day!

FOOD
Water
6 bottles totaling about 2 liters of green smoothie (fruit & leafy greens)
1 grapefruit
Durian
..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Turkey
Sauce (what Haitians call "gravy")
Stuffing
Cranberry sauce
Cooked greens
Rice with kidney beans
Macaroni and cheese

EXERCISE
300 upgraded, harder crunches
10 minutes strenuous bicycling

MEDITATION TIME
10 minutes

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS
My 5 – year old niece: "Aunt [my nickname], you look skinny!"
Moi: "Really?"Niece: "Yes! You weren't skinny when you came to my birthday [in mid October]! Why do you look so skinny?"
Moi: "Well, actually, I'm going to be getting skinnier. Is that okay?"
Niece runs out of the room and on to her next adventure.

NEW! THE "THAT'S JUST WRONG" CHRONICLES
Sometimes stuff happens that just needs to be shared with the entire world. It just has to.
I wish to shareth mit zie a wee mobile text message twixt Moi-self and Moi's beloved friend and former lovaire, if you will, named "K".

Moi: "happy turkey day, Beautiful! Said the raw vegan about to eat everything!"
K: "Raw vegan turkey?"
C: "no, honey, the kind of turkey that gave its life 4 me like Jesus."
K: "Awesome!"

This concludes the "That's Just Wrong" feature for today. I hope you're feeling brighter and more whole because of it – as that's its intention – to create wholeness and centerdness through crass and useless humor-type activities – and you thought that's what yoga was for - silly!

BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS
I talked with two aspiring and partly raw friends of mine who were wholly preparing to eat some bird and everything else cooked on their conventional family's Thanksgiving dinner table. I believe these things:

a) Guilt is a disease-causing emotion. Eat the damn food and continue making progress adding more raw to your diet. Someday you won't eat this stuff. But for now, why beat yourself up about it?
b) Being more relaxed about it tricks your loved ones into being more relaxed about your own strange and raw lifestyle. Completely to my surprise, when I left my parents home last night, my brother commandeered my last 3 bottles of green smoothie and my mother told me that my father had expressed a serious interest in the raw food advocate he saw on television a few weeks earlier. I also found out that my mother owns a juicer. So from now on when I visit my folks, I'm bringing and/or making green smoothie for them, and that's major progress. Progress that happened, I believe, because of my relaxed, guilt-free, and no pressure attitude.
c) Lots of rawheads "cheat" in secrecy. I'd rather be one of the ones who doesn't hide, and talk with my friends who don't hide, either. Especially since I know that honesty "wins souls" as the Christians say…in this case, to the raw lifestyle and cause. After all, it's the guy with the bleedin' red burger who's gonna maybe add a salad to his meal tomorrow on accounta hearing the raw person confess a weakness, rather than go around pummeling people on the head with their maniacal energy and professed perfeccione, as it were. You can be perfect, just don't preach it, that's what I figure!


I JUST UPDATED MOI'S MYSPACE PROFILE
ABOUT ME:
My name is Cassendre Xavier. I'm a first generation American-born musician, singer-songwriter, and recording artist of Haitian and Chinese heritage. A self-described "renaissance negresse", I'm also a writer, an actress, and an award-winning community cultural arts advocate, having founded Philadelphia's annual Black Women's Arts Festival in 2003. I have been practicing-not-perfecting the raw vegan/ live foods lifestyle since 2005. Recently I began a 90 day Green Smoothie regimen to help address the emotional issues that arise in the shrinking and changing body of a fat person who is also a child/sexual abuse survivor. I am also using raw foods, exercise, and meditation to make and reach other personal and professional goals including increasing my confidence in the dating world, and getting myself a sweet ass record deal! I'm documenting this journey in a daily blog here on MySpace. I believe that eating 70% - 80% uncooked plant foods are a very powerful and quick way to deep joy, health, radiance, beauty, spirituality, and art. Being raw is really amazing, but because cooked food is so addictive, it's not easy to stay raw, so I'm sharing my journey here at MySpace to give and receive support. I write to encourage, inspire, and humor folks into adding more living plants into their lives, diets, and dreams! Oh, and one quick note, please feel free to message me confidentially when necessary, but I prefer comments posted on my blogs instead. They tickle me and new readers. Thanks for visiting, check out my other MySpace links below (especially my music and writing pages), and come back again soon, now, y'hear? ;-)

WHO I'D LIKE TO MEET:
I am truly blessed in that I get to meet wonderful, brilliant, beautiful, inspiring, and exciting people all the time, and you might be one of them!


I hope you do something exciting and loving for yourself today…I know I will!


Astral hugs,

Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva
http://cassendrexavier.com

Songs, Downloads, Concert Schedule http://myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic
(Next show: Wed 11/28, Ardmore PA with co-feature, (imperfectly) raw singer-songwriter Shawna Morris, and violinist Dorothea DiGiovanni performing with Cassendre)

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 47 of 90

11/21/07

I was 100% raw today!

5:45 awake, read, drink water, the usual peeage
7:10 – 7:33 bike ride with housemate
7:35 breakfast of 1 tablespoon raw extra virgin coconut oil, 20 oz 60/40 oh so sexy carrot/beet juice blend, plain & undiluted
7:50 - 8:00 meditation (whoo-hoo!) First time in 3 days!)
11:15 – 11:25 bike ride

MORE EATS
Nori sheets
Tomato
Various kinds of fruit smoothies with banana, dates, greens, pineapple, apple, pear, and water
Broccoli
Red pepper
Dehydrated "bread"
Some other stuff I can't remember right now, but all raw, whoo-hoo!

EXERCISE & MEDITACCIONE
Today was 40% better than it would've been, because it started with a bike ride at 7:10am, and because I meditated!

ELIMINATION STATION
I'm gassy! Gassy and constipated! I'm gassy! Gassy and constipated! I'm gassy…hey, I think I feel a song coming on. Good Lord knows that's about the only thing I feel coming on.
Let me tell you, there really is something to that food combining thing.
If you eat a starch with a meat or fruit with anything else except fruit or an empty stomach, you'll begin blessing your friends and surroundings with odiferous clouds and equally impressive sound effects. Now, I'm not schpicking from personal experience, mind you, after all, Moi is a delicate and dainty rose & lily – scented flower (not!) but, you know it does make a difference. Which is hard when you're in food service and have free smoothies and non-combinable snackational devices around as well.
Anyway, I'm sure things will be back to normal tomorrow. And I'm sure it didn't ASSist the intestinational situation by downing some fast food burgage yesterdee. The meat and starch themselves are two great tastes that go great together, but absolutely not that nice digestive friends.
Thou hath been warn-ed!

DUCKLING/ SWAN/ PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
Maintaining my cool around so-called beautiful girls who have so called the attention of certain males I so-called have been romantically fond of. This is usually a devastating part of my life, going back to adolescence. I dig a guy and he digs a chyk who looks nothing like me. Why have I spent my entire life living the same old painful story? The story was based on my belief that I wasn't pretty enough or good enough or thin enough or white enough or so-called sexy enough…etc.
But now that I know the power of thought, I just choose to believe that I'm beautiful enough, sexy enough, whatever size and color enough to attract exactly the right men for me. And I know it's not enough to just have thoughts. You got to back that &^%$ up with accione (confidence, self-care, health and beauty regimen, acting beautiful with men).
Here's how I'm measuring up these days, or rather, a brief report of Moi's progresse, as it were:

1) Confidence
More direct eye contact. Less backing up in flirtatious situations. Leaving the conversation first more often, as opposed to allowing myself to get all into the conversation for too long a time. Less is more is the best lesson in the world. Knocking negative thoughts out of my head when they pop up. Talking like a peer to so-called (other) beautiful "girls". Asking them for advice on where they go clothes shopping, so I can ease out of my 38 year old plus size "women's" seccione shopping to the "where the young hotties shop". I'm not 70 years old yet. Not time to act my age. Never time for that. Think: (fashion designer and breast cancer survivor) Betsy Johnson, bright haired and cart-wheeling deep into her 50s & 60s.

2) Self-Care
Improving home surroundings. Getting more focused and disciplined as an artist. Setting and working towards personal and professional goals with the assistance of friends and family.

3) Health & Beauty Regimen
Continually improving diet. Increasing amount of exercise and meditation. Being more conscious and aware of the dominant culture's ideas of beauty, while remaining true to self and maintaining my own style.

4) Acting Beautiful with Men
Studying Angelina Jolie on "Inside the Actor's Studio" and other interview footage. Continually and "accidentally" doing exactly the opposite by being myself. Loving life and the company of my exciting new male friends.


Sending you light,

Cassendre Xavier
Humyn, Being.
http://www.cassendrexavier.com

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 46 of 90

11/20/07

FOOD
20 oz. 60/40 carrot/beet juice plain & undiluted.
Green smoothie all day – many ounces.
5 Checker burgers with large amount of raw collard greens and half a shallot.
That really did a number on me. Ate it at 5pm and at 10:36pm I'm still digesting it – yukko!
But the good thing is I love how I feel so connected to my body's systems. In the olden (pre-raw) days, I'd have no concept of how I'm processing food I ate.
Also the fact that I felt so bad so soon after eating the burgers also made me aware of my progress and healthier state. The burgers also shot my pressure up – I could feel it.
But at least I didn't hide when I ate them, like I used to. Now I eat in the open on the train, in the city, knowing people can see me. And I write about it in this blog so that people aren't all, "I am SHOCKED! How COULD you??!"
I was on Broad & Girard taking care of some things at my old apartment, and I dunno, I was stressed. Giving away my beloved cat of 9 years. I don't know. I don't know. I ate the meat and then I disappeared emotionally. Maybe that's what I wanted.
EXERCISE
Lots of walking in center city, lugging very heavy suitcase on wheels and bags of heavy produce, maybe an hour total of this nonsense that I'm glad to do – produce shopping. That is, until I can pay someone to do it for me!
Someday I'll know places in my new neighborhood where I can buy bushels of produce for ridiculously cheap (non-organic, but hey, ya gotta start somewhere), but for now, I prefer to go "into town" for my shoppery needs. Besides, my wonderful post office box is there – where I've been getting my mail for years and throughout my many struggling artist moves. Feels very cozy and Little House on the Prairie to take the train to the city on weekends, and get my roughage and packages and then return to the land of grass and trees.
Okay, I just did all that creative writing stuff, but what it boils down to is that I didn't really do any intentional exercise and I really want that to be a part of my day regularly. So I'm hereby announcing my intention to be more disciplined about that, and leave the creative writing for my paid writing gigs. Okay "gig". Philadelphia Gay News monthly column "Black/Out" epgn.com. Published the 3rd Friday of every month. And no, I'm not gay (this week – although I am a "half-gay", just more than happy to take money for 20 minutes of easy work).
MEDITACCIONE
None. I'm angry, and it's sad and must be reversed that one of the ways I express my anger is to avoid or push away meditation. Another way is to eat frikkin' 5 fast food burgers when I'm supposedly a "Raw Vegan Diva". For example. Just for starters.
DUCKLING/ SWAN/ PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
Saw an adorable couple on the train today, both using snazzy laptops. I thought it was so cute – that's foreplay to me, writing or using a computer next to and with my sweetie. I saw them and in the olden days would've felt bad that I was single or sad that I didn't have a laptop on the train. But this time I was really happy for them, really happy for mine own wonderful life and technological prospects.
I smiled at them a lot and decided, "That's gonna be me and my man someday soon!"
And I really visualized it AND I drew from my memory banks the times I've had the essence of that – replaying and re-enjoying those times:
a) Sitting with my ex-boyfriend "M" on the train and plane to our two trips to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Kalamazoo, Michigan (where I recorded Live at the Kraftbrau, Kalamazoo).
b) Sitting next to my ex-girlfriend "K" at a college library for hours while each of us worked on our dreams of being self-employed artists and writers, and sitting next to each other on a bus going to Boston for a writers conference where we went to dream and meet others living our future dream…We accomplished those dreams and now we want to be famous and successful artists!
c) Being studio-to-studio with my ex-boyfriend "D" as we each hosted our own separate radio shows
As I was leaving, I saw them looking at a pair of shoes she had in a bag, and they were very much like the ones I was wearing… and it made me feel good that I had something (else) in common with her. Which is quite a statement because they were both tall, thin, white, blond, conventionally attractive and rich looking. In the olden days I wouldn't have found anything in common with them. But now, I identify a lot with them and with anyone who like me, is alive and working towards our goals.

Recommended Reading: Significant Others: Creativity & Intimate Partnership, by Whitney Chadwick (Editor), Isabelle De Courtivron (Editor)
Sending you light,
Cassendre Xavier
American Singer, Songwriter, & Guitarist
http://www.cassendrexavier.com
© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 44 of 90

11/18/07

I was 90% raw today!

FOOD
Carrot juice
Beet juice
Raw dish of carrots, mushrooms, broccoli, red pepper, lemon, cinnamon, apple cider vinegar, turmeric, Bragg's Liquid Aminos, Noma Shoyu
Carrot in Vegenaise dip
Raw honey for dessert
Green smoothage

EXERCISE
15 minute bike ride in the rain

MEDITATION
none

CAREER
Breakthrough: a "gig" is only a performance that involves some sort of compensation. A performance without compensation is not a "gig", as I'd been calling them. It's "service", it's "a hobby", it's "just something to do to pass the time" but it ain't a gig. Any monies or CD sales that come from an uncompensated performance (formerly called a "gig") is just a lucky extra. It is not payment or compensation. This point is brought home after I've worked for two hours and come home with nothing but warm fuzzies and possible new friends, which are things I can have just going out for a walk, without lugging my Heavy Ass Guitar and working for two hours. But I'm not bitter. Oh yes, I am. I'm a 38 year old who's been doing this for 16 years and you know what? I'm over it.

NEED STRUCTURE AND ROUTINE
When the weekends happen, I just slouch and don't work out. Gotta change that. Also, I have to plan the weekends well, otherwise I get annoyed and frustrated and bored. I have a too much to do to end up doing nothing at all, and working out makes me feel too good to miss it just because I haven't created enough structure so there.

Cassendre Xavier
Awakening Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist, thanks in part to raw plant foods and their followers
http://cassendrexavier.com


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 42 of 90

11/16/07

8:44 – 8:45 silent prayer ("Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you…")
8:50 – 8:51 read aloud repeatedly my highest bank account balance, adding several zeros to it and saying, "I now have…$___,___,___, I now have…$___,___,___, I now have…$___,___,___, I now have…$___,___,___" etc. )
8:53 - 9:13 read affirmations aloud (4 affirmations printed an estimated 50 times each. How I do it: I have it printed on 4 pages, and I just go line by line, marking with my thumb like a rosary. "I now have…", or "I am now…" and I was instructed recently to add a deadline…"by…".) Sometimes I throw in a little, "and may it be for the good of all" or end with "or something better", because the universe always knows better than you what you really truly want.
9:52 – 10:02 300 crunches while smiling, visualizing great experiences past and future and doing breath of fire through the nostrils (tongue out dog pant style makes me go woozy)
10:03 – 10:14 Pilates
10:17 – 10:21 21 pushups goddammit (they're hard!), but I wanted to do 1 more than yesterday. Whoo-hoo!
10:31 – 10:41 meditaccione (with an absence of representaccione, as it were)
10:55 – 11:20 bike ride to store and back. Not actually working, but it's the only way I know not to get lost in my new neighborhood!
11:50 -5:45 writing & working at computer while drinking zie green smoothie
6:15 last night's carrot/beet and stir fry veggie rice thingie with brussel sprouts and spicy rice & beans. 8 oz carrot & beet juice, plain, diluted. Tasted like sweet milk. Good for the body.
8:00 -9:00 practice guitar and singing
10:20 sleep. An accomplishment to go to bved this early. This was a very good day. Among the few things that would top it are having a high paying gig and coming home to a big, beautiful bed with some books and a great guy in it. Note to the universe: the great guy would be mine (single/divorced/uninvolved), and he would be heterosexual. 'Cause I know how twisted your sense of humor is, universe. You'd make him gay or otherwise betrothed and tell me, with a goofy smirk on your face, "But you said you wanted a great guy… He's a great guy!"
So let me clarify for you, silly bean, I am willing and almost ready to receive a wonderful relationship with an appropriate male peer. May he be totally mutually attracted, and may it be for the good of all…or something better." There, have I now covered all the bases? Remember, I said "almost" ready. Still got some beautiful woman security feelings issues to work on. Not that I'm waiting to be perfect. He'sll be getting my fully and adorably neurotic self, but I also gotta be prepared for his imperfetacciones, such as being way too good looking, having more money than eh knows what to do with…you know…the usual things like that there'n.
Oh, and another one of his problems is he's a smidge too tall. But I'll just have to force myself to cope with these issues. And I suppose to be fair and most attractive to this type of guy, I should be almost too good looking, too rich and too tall too…This game's too complicated…How 'bout I just do my best and trust the universe to take care of the rest? Yay!
THE NUMBERS
180.1 lbs
ELIMINATION STATION
Oh my gosh that carrot and beet mulch habit is really making a clean sweep, if you will, of my innardational qualificacciones, as it were. It seems every time I turn around, I'm on a toilet. Did you need that image? Because I wrote that one just for you. Thought you might appreciate it. The added bonus, for me I don't know about you, is how the mulch comes out of the juicer hole looking exactly as it does coming out! I mean, I don't know exactly how it looks coming out, it's not as it I have a mirror in the toilet…anymore! Like I used to! Just kidding! Where would one even get a thing like that, Home Depotty? Sorry, I couldn't resist!
Anyway, I'm glad that I seem to be pretty well hydrated. Not perfectly, but pretty good. Which will only get better when I get my filtered water again. Housemate gave me a bottle of Penta water today. Really good stuff in a small container. Like a diamond. (Except no Africans gave their right arm for it. Not that I know of anyway.)
DREAMLOGUE & INTERPRETATION
1) HANGIN' WITH STEVE VAI
I'm talking with humyn guitar god Steve Vai. We're discussing the one thing that he's lived and breathed for days, practiced for 10 hours daily, and has 8 hour rehearsals in: guitar.
Interpretation: I'm creating the life of my dreams of working with and knowing professional musicians on this level. I've had similar dreams nightly (this is the first one in which I wasn't actually performing with or opening for the person) in which these people are my peers. This is indicative of my good work and progress in visualizing myself as their peer. Raw foods are significantly assisting me in making this progress so quickly.
2) CASH REGISTER TIME CLOCK
I go in to work and my boss seems tense, but says everything is fine, except that I was late to work the day before. I start screaming in frustration, "No, I wasn't! I came in 10 minutes early and was on the floor exactly on time!" He keeps insisting not and I start crying, saying, "There are 3 different clocks in here and they're all different! From now on, when I start my shift, I'll print out a receipt from the register and that will show exactly what time I started!" I print out an example, while he looks on half agreeing and half wanting to remain angry and accusatory. I run to the bathroom to wail all the frustration and anger out.
Interpretation: Some dreams are symbolic and contain hidden messages to be deciphered. Some are symbolic but only to be read for the emotions I'm feeling while having them, and some are entirely representational, merely replaying or mimicking the day’s events. This dream contains elements of all of the above, in equal portions.
Want more "Dreamlogue & Interpretation"? Clicketh thyself here (or visit http://launch.groups.yahoo.com/group/cassendrexavier/msearch?query=dreamlogue+interpretation&charset=windows-1252) and my official writing page http://myspace.com/cxwriting

Well, I'm outta here, compadres. Hope you had a good one and that you go 'head 'n grab yourself another good one tomorrow!

Sincerely in the plantage,
Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist
http://cassendrexavier.com
Gigs, Sounds, and Downloads: http://myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic



© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 41 of 90

11/15/07

Weight: 184.6 lbs. [Weight at Day 1: 195 lbs. Weight before adding large amounts of raw foods to my diet: 214 lbs.)
Blood pressure: Who knows, but I feel a little better. (Less high blood pressure symptoms.) I think the vegetable juices (beet and carrot) every day helps a lot.

Goals today:
1) No nuts (accomplished!)
2) Smile more (accomplished!)

7:00 awake
8:25 – 8:36 prayer in silence, and my own devotional words and music sung in Haitian Kreyol so no one would know what I'm praying about or for
8:38 – 8:48 400 crunches while doing Kundalini breath of fire. Did more because it's raining outside and I'm not going to get my first pre-start of day bike ride in. remembered around 200 crunches in to smile and visualize my wonderful life – or in this case – the quick and permanent resolution of a crisis I'm having
8:50 – 9:05 200 leg lifts, 20 push ups (bent at the knee) – "Shoulders…Weak! ....Must! ….Practice! …..More!" (again, I wouldn't normally need to do these extra exercises if I were going out for a bike ride)
9:10 – 9:22 Pilates with breath of fire
9:23 – 9:32 Hatha yoga
9:36 – 9:44 meditation
9:45 – 10:30 practice music. Thinking about the gig I'm gonna play one day on stage with my Top Secret Favorite Musician. And asking the music for direction in my career.
10:35 – 10:50 juice 16 oz carrot and beet, mix with cayenne pepper, turmeric, 2 tablespoons raw organic apple cider vinegar. Eat 2 tablespoons raw extra virgin coconut oil, then quickly chug spicy juice "medicine" mixture from beautiful, large, tall, clear wine glass. It's a nice, burgundy color and even though it goes down hard, it also goes down sweet as it's gettin' to work on all that ails me. And you can go 'head 'n quote me on that. Yeah, why doncha go 'head 'n.
11:00 bike ride to work
11:30 – 3:00 work Drink lots of green smoothies and occasionally nosh on various available snackery such as broken bits of dehydrated bread and such. You know, the usual. No nuts, though, yo. Nuts = bad! Bad, nuts! Go to your room and don't come out until I tell you!
7:00 dinner of stir fry vegetables and rice made by my housemates, raw-ified with my carrot, beet, greens savory dish from yon yester eve
7:30 – 9:00 quality time and yoga with housemates
9:00 – midnight quality-friend phone calls, and adventure


Reminder: I'm leading an affirmation sing-along and performing a mini concert complete with guitar and my CDs (and trusty and hot credit card swiper!) at Arnold's Way this Sunday 11/18 at 11:30am FREE! Details: http://myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic


Official website action: http://cassendrexavier.com


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 40 of 90

11/14/07

7:30 awake, water in, water out
7:35 writing, planning my day, realize I need incorporate practicing music into my daily schedule, as it is as important as my physical routine and visualizing/affirmation exercises
9:05 set new goals:
1) aside from peeing, don't get out of bed again until after I've done my 300 crunches and meditated
2) after crunches and meditation, start my upright (standing) day with a bike ride (barring inclement weather)
3) Hatha yoga every day
9:45 - 9:45 prayer (repeated silently "I send light and strength to everyone on the planet doing the best they can. I send light and strength to everyone on the planet doing the best they can. I send light and strength to everyone on the planet doing the best they can…")
9:47 - 9:54 300 crunches combined with fire breath of Kundalini yoga (No, it's not just garlicky fire breath from last night's dinner, now you're just being silly!), while smiling and visualizing signing a big, wonderful recording contract very soon
9:55 – 10:00 repeatedly write, while saying aloud, "I am now happily signing a big and wonderful recording contract," "I am now happily signing a big and wonderful recording contract", "I am now happily signing a big and wonderful recording contract", "I am now happily signing a big and wonderful recording contract"…
10:00 – 10:09 meditation
10:10 – 10:20 breakfast -2 tablespoons raw extra virgin coconut oil, an intuited "Blood Tonic": 16 oz 60/40 carrot/beet juice with 2 tablespoons raw organic apple cider vinegar, ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper, ½ teaspoon turmeric, ¼ teaspoon cinnamon, stirred and poured into a glamorous, gargantuan wine goblet, then chugged for all it's worth, slower because it's cold!
11:10 – 11:25 bike ride to work
11:30 – 6:30 work. Talk with Joe about high blood pressure. He said the raw vegan food really helps, slowly decreasing medication. He said withdrawal from medication is really bad and that the pressure goes way up when you suddenly remove the medication. He also said that the medication is adding toxins to your body, so it takes a long time to get the medication out of your system and start healing the condition from plant foods. He also said that another great way to lower blood pressure is by fasting a few days on water or fruit/veggie juice. You can view Joe and Arnold discussing healing high blood pressure with raw foods at Arnold's Way. HTML code to imbed into your website or MySpace page/blog:
7:00 – 7:20 bike ride home
7:30 – 8:00 luxurious shower. Why? Cause I'm a Piece of Ass in Training! Oh, and also because Moi is, and always hath been, a Diva.
8:00 put ring on right forefinger, which doesn't always fit – a sign of weight loss
8:10 set notebooks, calendar, and a wine goblet of water at my desk and start having my way with the computer. It knows it likes it. A lot.
Type and print 4 dated affirmations ("I am now…I now have…by a certain time…") 50 times per page, per affirmation.


THE NUMBERS
187.2 lbs

THE EATS
Basic meals: Green smoothies all day.
Snack type objectations: Dehydrated bread and similar snacks (not much).
Lunch: Spaghetti with raw tomato-beet sauce, pesto, and "cheese" sauce, on top of some dehydrated bread.
Dinnore: Beet and carrot pulp from juicer, with lots of mustard greens, raw organic apple cider vinegar, Bragg's Liquid Aminos, cayenne pepper, extra virgin olive oil, turmeric, garlic.

I'M DRINKING TAP WATER!
I left my two Brita water pitchers at my last residence for my subletter to use because I thought there was a water filter at my new home, but since I've moved here I've heard several people say that it's actually not filtered water. And that explains why it doesn't taste that good to me. So now I'm aware that I'm drinking tap water and that's the first time I've done that since the late 1990s when I discovered ye olde Brita filters. So, now I'm gonna pick up one o' them pitchers when I go meet with my subletter to hopefully give my cat to a new mommie. I'll let you know when I'm back to drinking Brita water again! I'll also let you know when I have a live in raw vegan chef, driver, limo, and filtered water going throughout my entire home including shower!

ELIMINATION STATION
Oh, you know, the usual. I just included this feature this time around because I know it tickles you to read the words "Elimination Station". I know my people! I'll let you know when something exciting happens!

DUCKLING/ SWAN / PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES
You know I have this lifelong issue with not feeling pretty enough. Lots of glamorous stories to illustrate my point, and you best be sure they'll be in my autobiography, but for now, I'll just tell you what happens on Cassendre’s Raw Journey.
The other day, I was doing my usual After Bathing Moisturizationage when I was looking at my slowly shrinking body thinking, "Why? Why am I doing this? What's gonna happen when I'm smaller? What is this for? What will I do with this body? What is it for??? What is it for??!"
And I got a clear message or answer directly from my body, which was, "I'll let you know. I'll tell you when the time is right. Don't worry about that right now. Just get healthier, slimmer, more and more beautiful, and I'll let you know what to do with your new body!"
This was a huge breakthrough for me, because I realized, I don't have to freak out about my body anymore! I don't have to worry what to do with the attention from people I'm not attracted to. I won't have to worry that I'll get into any sexually addictive behavior when I'm slimmer (a very valid concern for survivors of child sexual abuse), I don't have to think about anything other than taking one day at a time, focusing on my health and lowering the numbers on that scale.
I felt really free. This was like the same thing that happens when I practice my music and get all kinds of answers through singing and playing the guitar, answers that don't ever come when I'm just praying, journaling, or just thinking. It seems that the answers to the questions we ask are sometimes in the doing of the thing we fear.
I don't have to know now how I'll handle being a successful and well-known singer. I just have to do what it takes to get there, and those things I'm learning now will prepare me to handle it when I'm there. Same thing with this here bod o' mine. I don't have to know how to handle it when I'm so-called hot. Just focus on my health and already existing inner beauty. What it takes to manage those things are the same tools that I will use to maintain them.
My body will take care of me when the time is right.
Another breakthrough I've had recently is that I'm building a new kind of strength.
Before, my strength was in weighing over 200 lbs and being massive and muscular and fat and walking like a tough guy. Nobody messed with me then. But although it served me well for its time (kept me from getting further molested or hassled on the street, and kept away the male attention I wasn't ready to receive or handle) that wasn't a true strength, because while I looked tough I wasn't really tough in other areas that really counted. My personal and professional boundaries were weak, my physical strength was lacking, although I knew how to push my weight around.
Now as my body is getting smaller, I rejoice in getting stronger. I know I can only do 21 push ups today, but yesterday it was 20 and someday it will be 30 and so on.
I like feeling my body getting stronger every day, and I can see that it's okay to get smaller because I'm also getting stronger. And to quote my esteemed colleague Paris Hilton, "That's hot!"

NEW! RAGS TO RICHES CHRONICLES
I've added this new seccione, if you will, to discuss my travels in the world of M.O.N.E.Y. ("…[which stands for "My Own Natural Energy Yield" – Iyanla Vanzant). After all, if I'm going to eventually land that great record deal and have much more of my own natural energy yield, I want to show where I'm starting from, so that you'll know where I've been.
Some of my current struggles are negotiating bigger and better things for myself, and I think all things are related to self-worth, which I'm working on, too. Blah, blah, blah, you know, the usual!
Merry Christmas!

RawHugs,

Cassendre
Here's a little hotness I want to leave you with: http://youtube.com/watch?v=4Lb9h0J_ajA HTML code:

The guy burns it so good.

And a sweet lullaby for you from the Raw Diva Herself: http://youtube.com/watch?v=NSr2FgLOapc HTML code:
I'm about 20 lbs heavier there…but who's countin'? ;-)


Truly,

http://cassendrexavier.com

Gigs, Sounds, and Downloads: http://myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 39 of 90

11/13/07

7:20 – 8:00 awake, drink water, read
8:00 – 8:10 eat 16 oz container of last nights super scrumptious carrot and greens dish
8:10 read, journal, plan day, a wee more nappage (a.k.a. "napery"), eat some sweetness (dates, raw honey, agave nectar)
1:30 new batch of carrot mulch and greens salad thingie… man, I'm hooked!
2:20 – 3:13 waxed face. For the first time, because the hair is so fine, I felt for the first time (I know I repeated myself, but that's how impressive the experience was so there, editorboy/girl) like a pretty and feminine lady going through a common beauty routine, rather than how I used to feel – like a hairy dysfunctional freak trying to look normal. Nice, huh? Oh, the harshness! (But entirely true so there.)
6:00pm raw food at potluck, then home to bed

Went to Michelle Pierson's potluck tonight. Had a really good time. I don't know why but everything and everyone turns me on these days. Actually that isn't true, not everything and everyone, but I seem to be in a very loving and charming place right now. I study attractiveness –


WHAT MAKES SOMEONE ATTRACTIVE?
For example, one woman there was incredibly attractive to me and I noticed because I was attracted to the man she'd arrived with who came to sit at my feet and talk with me after my set (men are always doing that after I sing to them! I kid! I joke! I wish! I visualize! I affirm! I attract! I womanifest!). I'd communicated with him during my set (through eye contact and singing) and proceeded to flirt but then learned that he was sweet (also?) on another woman there, who joined us a little later. She was absolutely delightful, and I studied her actions because I was curious about her and okay I confess I was measuring myself to her. I really must stop doing that. It really hurts me a lot. Anyway, one of the good things is that I felt I had a lot of the same traits she did – an easy smile, soft feminine voice and demeanor.
There was another woman there who caught my attention so much that I questioned my primary interest in men.
It wasn't her physique I was drawn to, although she is very beautiful, but almost every word that came out of her mouth.
It was positive, spiritual, forward thinking, and dare Moi sayeth, very similar to mine own way of speakery (a.k.a. "speakation").
For example, she's one of the founders of a budding nonprofit and when I told her about the Black Women's Arts Festival's fiscal sponsor and the program she could use, she became very excited and said, "I love the way the universe works! And it's working through you!"
Just last week my housemate offered me a ride to work and I said, "The universe is great! No, you're great!" I'm going to call her tomorrow to hang out.
I'm so thankful that it's warm enough for me to sleep naked for the first time since I moved here to my cold room. And at a couple's home I was at recently, they had what I plan to get, a queen size pull away futon couch/bed. It'll fit my room well and provide just the right amount of partner play space.
I haven't had an orgasm in weeks. I was worried about my complacency about that – my lack of sex drive or interest – like is it my health or something, because lack of libido is a warning sign sometimes. But now I see there are other areas that are important to me and it's taken time to share these things: Guys. [that last sentence didn't make much sentence, it was written kinda sloppy so I think I was falling asleep as I wrote it. You know that I type these in from my journal, right? It's quite the labor of luff, this here blog is!] Ate way too many nuts at the potluck tonight… blowing my nose like crazy…[The rest of this paragraph isn't even readable…definitely fell asleep at that point. G'bye and see you next time!]

In total rawness (and hotness in training ;-)

Cassendre Xavier
Singer, Songwriter, Guitarist

Reminder: I'm leading an affirmation sing-along and performing a mini concert complete with guitar and my CDs (and trusty and hot credit card swiper!) at Arnold's Way this Sunday 11/18 at 11:30am FREE! Details and more exciting concert dates: http://myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic


And awaiting your lovely eyes: http://cassendrexavier.com



© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 38 of 90

100% raw!

THE NUMBERS
Exactly 187lbs. (lost a few ounces). Weight at Day 1 of Green Smoothie Challenge: 195lbs. Weight before going raw in 2005: 214lbs. Blood pressure: still high, but I feel much better than the last few days, so it's probably a little lower.

[Forgot to mention I've been juicing carrots and beets for three days. I feel that beet juice, especially is essential to my diet right now. On account of it looks like blood to me and I've got all kinds of reasons to be working on my blood, what with the weird cycle and hypertension and stuff. Plus Norman Walker says, in his book "Raw Vegetable Juices", that beet juice should be drunk by bleedin' chyks big time every day. And even though he's dead, I believe him!]

7:30 – 8:25 wake up, say good morning to ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold, pee, think about my day. Ask housemate to borrow his bike helmet on accounta I got a hankerin' for ridin'. He says he ain't got one yet. So I consider going without or going another time.

8:25 -8:26 prayer of gratitudationality and reverencialness
8:27 – 8:35 300 sexy crunches . I make 'em sexy by visualizing my next tall boyfriend while I do them. P.S. and I'm visualizing optional health and beauty, too, but mostly the tall boyfriend!
8:38 – 8:48 meditaccione without any form of representaccione whatsoever (10 min)
9:10 -9:20 bike ride. First time since 1994. mathboy housemate felt the need to point out that's thirteen whole solid years. Rode around the block and passed my house four times. That was enough. I would've gone further, but I'm new to the joint and didn't want to get lost.
9:30 – 9:40 harvest dandelion and other attractive greens in my new suburban backyard. Was careful not to pull out big clumps, leaving holes in the ground, lest Arnold whoop my ass (again! – he's always whooping my ass! – kidding!). another housemate saw me with my bowl full of greenery and said, "make sure it hasn't been sprayed". I thanked her profusely, and called Arnold to ask. He said as far as he knows the backyard hadn't been sprayed with weed-killing pesticides. But who knows? I washed them carefully and Vitamixed them with water. The inspiration for this is this guy I've been on YouTube. Since I've learned that the key to getting what you want is doing the essence of the thing, I thought I'd also go a huntin' in my yard for fresh live eats. It may not be a clean, toxic-free Danish field, but it's a start, and as I'm doing it, I'm imagining that I am in my own garden or ranch, or preferably one I bought or share with my guy. Or I imagine I'm visiting TimoRaw and we're harvesting together and then we go to his bedroom to take advantage of all that "power of a lion" that he keeps talking about. Is that so wrong?! Watch this guy and tell him if he's not totally sexy? URL: http://youtube.com/watch?v=AgHQjH9sJ3g I love the whole thing – from the surroundings to the non-electric juicing gadget, to watching him grind and screw the juice out, to when he drinks it, making direct eye contact with the camera –how hot! – and wiping his mouth and sucking his fingers…at 7:46 is the moment I melt. Wow! Anyway. Yeah. Dandelions are good for you.
Here's the HTML code iffn' thou wishes to "Embed" the item in thy myspace or website arena:

9:45 -10:08 kundalini yoga
10:20 -11:00 made dandelion drink (dandelion and water in Vitamix), then carrot and beet juice. Drank both separately at first, then together. Chewed some delicious bright orange carrot as I juiced.
11:30 quality time with housemates
11:40 – 1:00 drank 2 liters of green smoothie (lettuce, collards, red pears, bananas, dates, and water) while writing my "Black/Out" column, which will be published in next Friday's PGN (epgn.com)
1:40 scrumptious savory meal: mustard greens, lettuce, raw sunflower seeds, fresh garlic, extra virgin olive oil, raw apple cider vinegar, Noma Shoyu, cayenne pepper, turmeric. Yummy and delicious!
6:30 banana whip (raw vegan ice cream of frozen banana in a high-powered juicactional device). Put it in a nice, tall, diner style milkshake glass with a long spoon. Presentation is key!
8:30 delicious savory dish: carrot pulp from juicing, mustard greens chopped fine, garlic, extra virgin olive oil, Bragg's Liquid Aminos, Noma Shoyu, cayenne, turmeric, raw apple cider vinegar.
9:15 scheduled my 60th day testimonial for Arnold's Way YouTube, to be filmed on Dec 5th by Joey Borden. So I gotta put out some resultificacciones big time! I feel really good about it. I really needed that – a date to be accountable. I now have a goal – a real goal. My audience needs me! I'm coming to you, my lovelies! Don't cry! Don't be skerred!

[Love note to Moi's fannery & supportational individualities: Unless it's kind of sensitive and private, which I totally understand – especially since I've been hearing from some of you dear ones with similar body/survivor issues, when responding with non-sensitive stuff, please do so either by posting a comment in the "blog" section or on the regular Comments page. While I do enjoy your private emails, I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and would prefer the whole world to know that thou loveth Moi. Danke, schweetheart!]

Stay beautiful,

Cassendre Xavier
Humyn, Being.
Music Gallery: http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre
Writing: http://myspace.com/cxwriting (Brand spanking new - and I do mean "spanking" ;-)

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 37 of 90

100% raw!



THE NUMBERS

A smidge over 187lbs. Weight at Day 1 of Green Smoothie Challenge: 195lbs. Weight before going raw in 2005: 214lbs. Blood pressure: high. Dunno the number, but I can feel it and it sucks and it's scary. But I focus on the positive. One thing I was thinking is about how much the medical industry uses fear to get us to buy their drugs. In all the time I knew my therapist/health coach or whatever, she never could stop herself from regaling me with tales of women she'd known who'd gotten strokes from high blood pressure. Guess how many times ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold has "warned" me about strokes? None. Guess how many times he's said, "That should go away", when referring to my blood pressure problem? All the time.

Guess how often I have to fight thoughts of having a stroke? All the fucking goddamn time. Guess how much energy that takes? A fucking lot. Sorry about Moi's Francaise, as it were, but it makes me really really angry.

All we need to do is go to the produce stand, not prescription counter, and be well. I've already experienced normal blood pressure as a result of raw plant foods, so I know it can be done. Not to mention the countless testimonials out there of others who have done it as well.



THE EATS

Green smoothies. Raw salads of collards, lettuce, avocado, fresh garlic, raw organic apple cider vinegar, Bragg's Liquid Aminos, Noma Shoyu, cayenne pepper, turmeric. For sweets: raw honey, dates.



EXERCISE UND ZIE MEDITACCIONE, AS IT WERE.

None, today. Frustrated and stressed out, which ironically would be helped by exercise and meditation. Moving is stressful, everyone knows that. It's right under changing/losing jobs and death on the list of stressors. But I'm expected to just be a champion athlete while crammed in a tiny, freezing room with piles of trash bags and boxes, and no windows. But I'm not bitter. I'm doing the best I can, and I'm my only judge. I am also extremely happy and lucky and blessed. I don't want to sound like an ungrateful bitch, but Moi is aware that Moi's Diva side shines through regardless of economic status.

Today I'm proud to be 100% raw, and fairly good with my food combining.





ELIMINATION STATION
Cheerfully green, grassy, and frequent again, thank the Good Sweet Lord!





DUCKLING/ SWAN/ PIECE OF ASS CHRONICLES

I think it's time for me to examine the thoughts I have about my worth as a woman. Not as an artist or writer or friend or worker, but as a mature and sexually viable female lover.

And here I feel the need to address Darfur. The Congo. Haiti, where some of my family still lives. All the suffering in the world, and I sit here, in one of the richest, fattest countries, complaining about my food struggles and issues with sexuality and intimacy. I feel bad about that. I feel guilty and like I should just shut up, drop everything and join the Peace Corps or something. But I've had that dialogue with myself for years – not feeling like my story was valid. I think I feel guilty because I so enjoy writing about my life. Like, nothing worthwhile should be this fun. I think this is why I've often sabotaged myself in my music career. It took me a long time to put my music on the front burner, because I enjoyed it so much – how could it possibly be that important?

Anyway, that long disclaimer aside, I believe we all have to share our truths. If the privileged can discuss their pain…well, I'm surrounded by so many white guys who have made millions from discussing their pain that I can't even finish that thought.

Back to the men I love and fear at the same time. I have been sabotaging budding flirtations. I meet a guy I think is really cute, he then surprises me by thinking that I'm really cute, too, then I freak out and act stupid (come on to him too much or too little) and then things are ruined and then I'm both crushed and relieved. I don't know if I am doing this now because I am decidedly not ready for that kind of relationship, so it's a way of keeping that from happening, or if I'm just scared of men's sexuality. But I do know that this isn't a permanent state. I'm really, really so very happy in my life right now, and I already have so much love, laughter, and friendship. And even, in some ways, romance. So I don't really feel like a lot is lacking. And the more I focus on what I want, and notice the elements of it that I have in my life, the more those things grow.

I can definitely say that my changing body is also changing my life insofar as men are concerned.



By the way, I am posting my backlist days a little at a time. It occurred to me the other day that I was waiting until I had caught up with all my posts before I resumed posting the current ones. Well, I don't have to do that! I can post today's and post the older ones as I am able. When you're looking for them, look according to date, because I'm adjusting the blog date accordingly. They won't show up on my homepage because they're older – you'll hafta scroll down to "Read All Blogs".





Stay beautiful,



Cassendre Xavier

Humyn, Being.

Music: http://myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic

Writing: http://myspace.com/cxwriting (Brand spanking new - and I do mean "spanking" ;-)

Guided Mediations: http://stores.lulu.com/cassendre


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 36 of 90

100% raw!

Green smoothies all day, plus a dinner of zucchini soup and a mix of kale, collards, dandelion, garlic, avocado, tomato, apple cider vinegar, Bragg's Liquid Aminos, and raw sunflower seeds…Delicious!

Lots of quality time with friends and housemates, getting the last of my move in.

Lots of confusing feelings about boys, men, and dating. Torture. Realize I don't want to be confident. I just want to be a scared, neurotic little girl. And that's how I act with men. I know this will change, but for now I'm staying real, working on myself and my new friendships with men I'm very attracted to. I don't have to do anything except learn, share, and give as a friend should. Perhaps it will be in this work that real love will blossom, as I am doing real love in this work.

No meditation or exercise yet. Telling myself it's because I'm acclimating to my new home and I'm still not unpacked. It's hard to maintain a workout and meditation routine when my routine was mostly done in my bedroom and my bedroom is now crammed and chaotic.

Changed my fragrance oil today for the first time in years – from savory to sweet. The good thing is I did it for me. The not so good thing is I don't think it's as sexy. But men do have different ideas then women of what is sexy. I enjoy the scent. I'll see how others react. One thing I know is that mostly women complimented me on the savory scent, and it has worked in certain horizontal situations with male-types. I'm just gonna go with the newness. That quote again, "To have what you've never had, do what you've never done" –Valorie Burton – a black female motivational speaker.

One of my housemates spent two days helping me move and I'm going to make him dinner as a thank you. I know he loves raw spaghetti, and I'll be asking him more questions about what he enjoys. I'm thinking I might make a raw version of hi favorite meal.

He was getting rid of several cool pairs of shorts and tees, which all fit me. I remember when I wore a 38-40 waist. Now I can squeeze into 32s. (The secret is it's never around my actual waist! My hips are and have always been slendore – I cheat!)

I'll be instructing another one of my housemates in how to prepare 4 different green smoothie recipes using his favorite fruits, greens, and no bananas, which he's allergic to (so far – he probably won't be after his system is cleaner).

He likes romaine lettuce, pears, dates, apples. I think we'll make delicious non-banana green smoothies! He also plans to use only organic produce, and a very high quality, silica-rich water like Penta brand water. As it happens in teacher/student situations, this is as much an opportunity for me to learn and teach as any. Really looking forward.



Visit my new MySpace writing page at http://myspace.com/cxwriting !

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 35 of 90

Green Smoothie. Simple green spaghetti (an all fruit dish on accounta zucchini is a fruit, yo).

Medium zucchini, spiralized into an angel hair pasta shape. ½ a lemon – remove the seeds. ½ to 1 whole avocado, cubed.

Juice lemon into a large bowl, removing the seeds. Spiralize the zucchini and put in the bowl. Dice the avocado and put in the bowl. Mix and serve.


Did not "earn my breakfast" as ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold recommends, nor do any real exercise other than some sacred sensual dancing.


Arnold and I went to Tandoor India and I ate three plates of cooked food but no rice or meat and all on a bed of salad (progressia, no perfectamente).


He talked about the importance of being relaxed about food. He selected his food wisely – he's really good at moderational specificacciones.


On the drive back home, from our business meeting in UCity, I asked him what it's like to be thin (a few days ago I'd asked if he'd ever been fat and he said no, but that he had once worn a whopping 34 inch waist or some ridiculous thing like that.)


He said he does it to be an example – he doesn't actually seem to get any joy out of it. I told him I would/will totally take full advantage of my situation.


Back to enjoying extra virgin raw coconut oil after listening to my gut and a conversation with new raw friend of mine, Arnold's and the store, Shakaya about too much fruit being unbalancing (Ayurveyda), and how some of the most grounding foods are raw yams and extra virgin raw coconut oil.


No exercise. No meditation. Once again, the progress. Not the perfectional devicery objects.



See ya next time!


Cassendre Xavier

Humyn, Being.

Music: http://myspace.com/cassendrexaviermusic

Writing: http://myspace.com/cxwriting

Guided Meditations: http://stores.lulu.com/cassendre

Raw Inspiration: Dealing with a Raw-Resistant Sweetie

A new friend who is interested in and learning more about the raw vegan/live foods lifestyle is having a hard time because her live-in partner is extremely resistant...

I can see the brilliance and potential in my new friend and want to encourage her to keep returning to the store for information and support. Here is a slightly plumped up excerpt from an email I just wrote to her. I hope it's helpful to any of you who are searching, studying, learning, and taking the tiniest baby steps (or struggling to maintain larger ones, or visualizing/planning/gestating quantum leapery devices) towards the raw vegan way of power-filled living.





[dear friend]:



i hope to see you (with or without [your partner]) at the store soon. Victoria Boutenko gives great suggestions on how to live with a non-raw or resistant partner in her book "12 Steps to Raw Foods: Ending Your Addiction to Cooked Foods". In it, she talks about the importance of remaining as sweet and accommodating as possible, and changing the things around the house as least as you can while you transition to more of a living plants diet. She stresses not asking your non-raw partner to change a thing about what they're doing. (In fact, one food preparer at ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold's Way has been 100% raw vegan for over a year and still cooks regular food for her live-in fiancĂ© every single night!) Victoria stresses asking your partner to help you by keeping cookies and other non-raw foods away from the kitchen. Instead of asking them not to be cooked, stress how important it is for them to help you stay raw. Keep the focus on you, your need to be on this path, and your love for your partner. That's all they want – for you to love them and you to be happy.

hope that helps you. It's absolutely essential that you prioritize your need to have a very strong raw vegan supportive network of friends, websites, books, CDs, DVDs, downloads, posters, whatever you need. Get yourself at least 2 or 3 reliable raw vegan buddies you can call or email at least once a day to stay encouraged, offer and receive support, and help you all remain focused on your "Best Day Ever!" (–David Wolfe – see below).

remember, you're on a great path to optimal health, wealth, and beauty! five years from today you won't even recognize yourself or your life circumstances, and that all starts with focusing on only one day at a time, adding good stuff rather than subtracting the bad, and being obsessively focused on progress, not perfection. keep magnifying the things you're happy about and the progress you're making, no matter how teeny tiny (such as being in touch with and visiting Arnold's Way and similar web/sites when possible, and networking with new raw friends), and they will continue to grow and grow and grow!



to your joy and abundance,



-Cassendre



p.s. best thing is to focus on your progress and not try to change or directly influence anyone who isn't actively seeking a raw lifestyle.



For more raw vegan support and 24-hour inspiration, sign up to receive Jinjee Talifero's Daily Inspiration emails at www.thegardendiet.com



Also, watch and listen to the truly awe-inspiring and life changing talks of raw vegan guru and total sex symbol David "Avocado" Wolfe at http://youtube.com/results?search_query=david+wolfe&search=Search


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.