Monday, October 29, 2007

Green Smoothie Update & Moving Sale!

Hello, my health-wealthy raw-active and aspirant compatriots! I hope this message finds you aglow with the universe's bountificationage and that I see you soon at some thingamajig or other I'm doing!


Tripped gracelessly off the raw vegan wagon again, but alas, I am not distressin'! I still drank lots of green smoothies and as of the last two days have been 100% raw again!


Hey. Iffn' yer wonderin' why I haven't written in a while, well, I write my blog in my trusty Raw Vegan notebook faithfully every day. Just haven't been able to post on account of I'm moving my stuff this week. I've already moved my person and a few belongings to a soon-to-be disclosed location J but tomorrow morning and for the rest of the week various friends with vehicle type objects will be assisting Moi in hoisting the big stuff as well.

What I'm expecting is to be posting sometime this weekend, I hope. The first few posts won't mention my Fall from RawGrace, on account of it didn't happen til a few days ago, and I'm almost a week behind in postational qualificacciones, if you will. Now that I'll be living with high speed internet on the premises, you can bet your bottom dollar (where does that phrase come from anyway?!) that my famous Green Smoothie bloggational devices will be comin' atcha faster than a senator leaves a brothel!


I am leaving my apt at Broad & Girard in Philadelphia this week (Thurs Nov 1st is the official date of leavery a.k.a. leavation). I have lots of stuff to bequeath to thee in exchange for a "free will donation" to cover the costs of oh I dunno - just give me money!

Here's what I have. See if there's anything you vant:

*Fragrance & essential oils, wax, pots, containers, colorants, and other candle & soap-making supplies. These will be sold per item, but they'll still be dirt cheap. Some, like the pots, I'll just give away for you to carry the goods in. Please come take these things, pretty please!!

*Ridiculous amounts of books from various topics including: art, erotica, LGBT fiction and nonfiction, general contemporary and classic novels, humor, cookbooks, macrobiotics, novelty, journals, magazines including at least 5 issues of "Female Bodybuilding" which is kind of a collectors item thing, self-help, inspiration, psychology, recovery from abuse/addictions, spirituality and psychic phenomena, soap/candle-making and other crafts, and other things I can't think of right now. Guaranteed iffn' you loves you some books, there will be some there that you'd enjoy, and all I ask is that you bring your own bags and some bucks pretty much just as a gesture of support.

*Various CDs, cassettes, VHS, and some DVDs. Lots of different kinds of music, and the videos are: comedy, some live concerts, some drama, etc. ("And much, much more!!")

*King size mattress. [no box spring available as the person moving in will be making use of that]

Innerested? Call -----, leave your name, number, and brief message that you're interested in my moving sale. I'll call you back (I'm the queen of phone screenage a.k.a. "screenery", so please don't hang up, not leave a message, and keep trying til you get me in person. Cause I can tell you right now that'll never happen. Just "keepin' it real" as my people say). You'll need to have a mobile phone to alert Moi to your arrival on accounta my roomie and I have mobiles and therefore no need of a landline which is required to have a buzzer. All this is to say is there ain't no buzzer. The mobile phone is the buzzer. Another option, I just realized after damn near a year of living at this place is you could go to a corner payphone and call up letting me know you're here, duh! Why is it that the week I'm leaving the place it suddenly occurs to me to have this option? Silly, rabbit, tricks are for kids!

Okay. Hope to be seeing you walking away from my old apartment soon with lots of stuff and less cashola, baby!

By the way, if you're interested, the pick-up and rummage-through doesn't have to be by this Thursday. You could come by anytime within the next 10-14 days or so. Preferably the sooner the better, though. First come first serve.


Ken, whom I met at the most recent raw potluck at Arnold's Way (every 3rd Saturday), told me his recipe for Green Smoothie and I posted it one of the recent posts of my blog. He emailed me a correction:

"I also use two bananas and an apple." – Ken.

So now ya know!


Michelle Pierson (raw vegan chef & instructor) also sent me a nifty factoid I thought I'd share with thyselves:

"I've been meaning to pass this info on to you. Back in March a woman named Valerie Winters did nothing but drink green smoothies for 6 months. She started out weighing 528 pounds. She lost a total of 127.6 pounds. Pretty amazing eh. Thought you might enjoy reading it. I know her story has touched a lot of peeps.
Here is the link

Take care,

CX: I'm performing music at Michelle's raw potluck on Nov 13th in Philly. For info, please visit

Michelle's official website: Michelle on MySpace

Whoo-hoo! Thanks for your time and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Oh, by the way, so far today, I've meditated for 10 minutes, had a green smoothie made of lettuce, bananas, dates, pear, and water, a savory dish of "spaghetti" (zucchini) and sauce made of water, avocado, red onion, sundried tomato, Bragg's Liquid Aminos, Noma Shoyu unpasteurized soy sauce, and apple cider vinegar. For dessert, raw vegan "ice cream" (frozen banana put through a powerful juicer).

Haven't exercised yet today, but I will when I get to my old apartment later today. I will also be doing a lot of housecleaning which as some of chyks know, is a real, bona fide calorie burnin' workout!

Talk with you soon, bunnies, and happy rawness to ye!

Cassendre Xavier

Raw Vegan Diva--

"a cross between Tracy Chapman, Sade, & Enya" –Steven M. Wilson, Borders Music Expert

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 20 of 90

Hi! Glad you could join Moi today – Let's see what's doin'. Didn't have my green smoothie last night on account of I left it in the store. Missed it somethin' awful, since it's been a natural and major part of my life for the last third of the month.

Ate sea vegetable for breakfast with a green smoothie. Ate raw honey, green smoothie (dandelion, lettuce, kale, pears, and raw honey), nori, and kimchi.


Am seriously considering total liquid food for remainder of 90 day regimen – green smoothies and veg juices for most quickly achieving my weight loss goals. Afterwards I can continue this work with maintenance as the focus.


Great rehearsal today. Mike's playing alleviated my worries about his weak scheduling skills. He's an easygoing, well-liked, well-connected bartender who can 1) bring people to shows (our music will keep 'em comin'), and 2) get us paying gigs. Rich gets paying gigs, too. Between those two guys, (especially Riche's leadership and smooth social skills) I should be set. Add Dorothea's sweet violin playing and what I hope will be a strong vocal section with Dena and James (who have birthdays coming up – Monday and Tuesday respectively – coincidence? Moi thinketh not!), I feel very confident on my path to the next level of my musical career type thingie.


Now that it's official (friend looked and decided to take over my apartment) I can now finally announce that I have moved from Philadelphia to Lansdale. I'm really happy about the new environment – I am completely supported and encouraged to be the best I can be as a person and as an artist.

I'm working at least Mondays and Wednesdays at Arnold's way and I'm booking gigs more than ever.

You will see more amazing developments in my career and this is all thanks to the raw food community and movement.

In the meantime, I'm giving away my cat (interested?) and selling my many books for "free will donations". If you want more info or are willing to travel to broad and Girard streets in Philadelphia, please leave your name and number at 215.869.5591 or email artchyk @


Have you ever heard the terms "body dysmorphia" or "Body Dysmorphic Disorder? One online definition is, "a mental disorder that involves a distorted body image". Now, personally I don't believe in all these "mental disorders". I think if you're a woman who grew up on the amerikkkan diet of body hatred and SAD (standard amerikkkan diet) so-called "food", then most likely you're not gonna grow up thinkin' you're, as Howard Stern affectionately terms beautiful women, a "piece of ass".

I don't believe I have, as one of my close friends says, who happens to be a therapist, this condition. The first time this was mentioned to me was over 15 years ago when she and I met. I had given her a self-portrait I had painted of myself. I was wearing brightly colored painted, tropical print baggy pants which gathered at the waist and ankles, surrounded by leaves (very Gauguin-influenced), and I was topless.

My friend saw my painting and said, "Your breasts are way bigger than that." I was completely surprised. I had no idea! They looked the right size to me. Anyway, that was the first time I started thinking about the difference between what I thought I looked like and what I actually look like.

Right now I'm struggling with my image. As my body changes, I accept and resist the changes for various reasons on different days. I suspect I am much more attractive than I think I am, but I still know I can be much more beautiful – as beautiful as I can be healthy. Still I resist because beauty has meant abuse in my experience. Beauty has meant both female weakness and female power, the former of which I'd seen displayed a lot in my youth and the latter, not so much.

I've grown up being both a so-called ugly duckling and a beautiful swan in my life. Sometimes I've done the former for protection from male sexual attention, and sometimes I've done the latter for some false sense of self-esteem.

What I am working on now is developing a more consistently beautiful appearance, in the conventional sense. Not just my personality or joi de vivre, or how I can "act" attractive, and not just knowing what to do to look the part when the situation calls for it (such as concerts or the occasional fetish ball or a hot date), but to be consistently attractive. I don't know what that means, or what my motive would be. This is my challenge and I can only hope that those of you out there who can relate to my story will be helped by my process from occasional to full-term and permanent Piece of Ass with a Purpose!


Cassendre Xavier

Singer-Songwriter and ASSpiring Raw Vegan


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

What’s In A Green Smoothie, Pray Telleth Thyself?

My friend asked, What's in a green smoothie?

And I went forth and answerfied:

Hi, [my friend]!

a green smoothie is basically two things: leafy greens and fruit, which you choose yourself and blend to your liking.
Arnold recommends 4 different types of leafy greens totaling about 1 lb,
4 bananas, an apple or pear, 16 oz or more of water, and a few dates for sweetness. everyone does it differently, because everyone has different needs and therefore attracted to or repelled by different things. what's consistent is that there are no vegetables. if you'd like to add fat, avocado is good because it's a highly digestible fat that also happens to be a fruit.

greens can be collards, kale, swiss chard, spinach, basil, lettuce, or whatever you like. (lettuce is great for the lungs - great for people living in the city, and singers like us!)

i've heard that just adding 2 servings of green smoothie to your diet (32 oz) can make a big difference in your health and how you feel. if you try it, let Moi know how it works for thyself!

Merry Christmas!


© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 19 of 90


Peace and blessings to you, dear raw and curious friends! I hope this message finds you feeling happy and glowy with light and love from within and from every other possible source!

6:50 coach calls

7:05-8:20 review Green Smoothie Blogs 16 und zie 17

8:30 get ready for work listening to Stevie Ray Vaughan's [version of Jimmi Hendrix's] "Little Wing" for inspiration, and as a visualization exercise, as it were

9:05 ate pear

9:10 leave for post office errandational qualities

Packed cassettes (yes, I still have those!) to play in the kitchen at ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold's Way:

Shirley Horn with Strings – Here's To Life

Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble – The Sky is Crying

Bill Withers Greatest Hits

Barbra Streisand – Memories

Janis Ian – Breaking Silence

Joni Mitchell – Blue

Ani DiFranco – Not So Soft

Michael Jackson – Off the Wall

9:30 arrive at post office. Pick up package from John Williams soundtrack of movie "Stanley & Iris" (Robert De Niro, Jane Fonda) and from Mano Reza CDs "Book of Songs" and "Getting Started Part 1 Maxi Single". Also pick up check from PGN column, plus the usual mail.

10:00 board train for Arnold's Way

Tummy check-in. Still feeling nauseated. Perhaps from eating non-organic pear for breakfast (sensitive to pesticides).

I've been really and constantly hungry for three days straight. Just wanting big bowls and plates of hot, soft, spicy, salty, saucy food. Am seriously considering straight liquid food such as fruit and vegetable juice ("feasting" oh, the hipness – oh the lingo). I'm thinking of doing what Larry Smith did, just green smoothies and vegetable juice to lose weight and get healthier. And then do maintenance after that.

I'm thinking of doing that to most rapidly transform my physical form, then I can continue doing raw in varying percentage as I train myself in that elusive activity oft referred to as "moderation", or as my astral friend Ben Franklin says, "temperance."

Arnold has this dream for, and vision of, me losing 71 lbs in 3 months. (Larry lost 50 lbs in 60 days, so Arnold thinks I can do 70 in 90. I pitched to Arnold the idea that men have more muscle mass and lose weight faster and in more volume than women do (even though I'm pretty muscular myself.) I also said that Larry's got at least one whole foot (in height) on me, so he's a bigger person losing more weight. Arnold did hi usual listening and forging forward with his dream and vision. Figured I'd humor him and play it by ear, making sure not to force myself or risk injuring blah blah blah. 'sides, I figure worst thing that happens is I lose 70 lbs in 90 days!

Seein' as how almost 1/5 of my 3 month schedule/green smoothie regimen/challenge is gone, I better make up my mind how I'm gonna do this. I already had the goal of being 140 lbs by my 39th birthday (Feb) which I felt was realistic when I set it during the time I was losing 4-5 lbs being 100% raw vegan, eating lots of fresh coconuts, raw extra virgin coconut oil, and exercising regularly.


Because I spend quality time discussing my glamorous bodily functions in greater and greater detail, I thought I'd honor this feature by giving it its own title and regular (pun intended) place. I've always felt it to be a major travesty that raw vegans spend so much time talking about what goes into their bodies, but they spend little to no time at all discussing the habits of their innards, as it were.

Well, I for one am sick and tired of being prim and proper! I want to discuss the gaseous qualities of eating a fiber-rich diet. I think folks should know what color their urine should be! Let loose into the bowl what ails ye! Burp and share, that's what I say. This is my job, my duty, if you will, to say what the others will not. I claim as my hero and inspiration, a certain Mr. Howard "Shock Jock" Stern, whose Herculean belches, followed by chuckles and jokes brightened many of Moi's gloomy mornings in the early to mid 90s. He continues soiling, if you will, the satellite air waves for the greater good. Howard, this bud's for you! P.S. As with Howard, if you don't like it – change the station. If "Elimination Station" turns you off, skip to the next section…


I exercised last night but haven't meditated in several days. Because I have been commuting about an hour to work a couple of times a week, I figured I could meditate on the train. But that doesn't work. People are talking, the ticket taker

is clickin' an' a clackin' with his trusty hole punch, the train is a rockin'. And even if all were quiet, I am still too hyper vigilant to completely relax in a public space – something I think is good, I think, to have/be as a single traveling chyk musician.

I've been just letting my life's schedule dictate what I do. It should be the other way around. If I want to continue meditating regularly and increase my standard meditation time from 10 to 30 minutes, I'm gonna have to put it in my schedule every single day, regardless of what else is going on around Moi. Handling this essential bit of business will not only train Moi to continue the discipline when my schedule is busier and more complex, but I believe the discipline will itself be a major catalyst to creating the "future" (present in the making) busier schedule of the well-booked and abundantly employed performer I want to be, and am becoming.


I think I've been thirsty/dehydrated for days. Every body is different. Some are raw and drink little to no water. I know that at least for right now, that ain't me. I needs me some "glo" as we say in Haitian Kreyol. (Don't say I never learned ya nothin'!) Anyhoo, yeah. I think I need water. I even feel a little sad right now for lack of it. I wanted to record that feeling right now while on the train and then take a few swigs of the old irreplaceable stuff and tell you how different I feel.

So, before water:

Sad, thirsty, grumpy, hungry, annoyed, irritable, tummy growly, craving salty and cooked food, impatient, borderline headachy. And now for the water --- drum roll please…

Okay, I just drank 16 ounces of water. I thought I was just going to take a few gulps, but then I just kept drinking –somebody was thirsty! Already I feel much, much better. I'm smiling, my tummy feels full, relaxed, and content (albeit still a wee nauseated). Not thinking about food anymore. Still grumpy and not wanting to talk to people. Wanna take anap. I'm on a train so I'm gonna go 'head' 'n do that. See ya!

11:30 -6:00 worked at Arnold's way

6:15-7:00 plant shopping with housemate. Brought home kimchi and nori.

7:00 – midnight opened mail, made business and personal phone calls (including finalizing house concert in Doylestown on December 1st. Inviting Shawna Morris to split the bill and schedule 1st rehearsal with female and male singers.

Late night eating: kimchi, sea vegetables, dates.

Feeling happy to be alive and healthy, while visualizing myself living a very long, healthy, happy life.

In joyous living,

Cassendre Xavier

Raw Vegan Diva


Guided Meditations

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 18 of 90

Raw Vegan Journal entry date: 10/23/07

7:00 hug & green smoothie made by my coach and live-in raw chef
7:15-7:45 MySpace work with Arnold, correcting spamming, etc., post Shawna's Raw Journey blog. Showed him how to get into his Gmail account.
7:45-8:00 – email Shawna & Raquel Jackson (for comment), offer to post Shawna's blog on MySpace Raw Journey
8:00-8:30 My personal trainer gives me several routines
8:30-9:50 Review last night's writing, discussed business (via mobile phone text messaging) with the sista who's been making my CDs since 2002 – asking if she can convert CD tracks to mp3 files so I can post new & pre-released songs on MySpace and She said she has a conversion program and will test it tonight and get back to me. Then I wrote her back and asked her to come up with a price for that service, but until she does, I'll pay her a little something with each request. Drifted off to sleep a little now and then. All this business usually occurs in bed. Spent quality time with housemates, two of whom made themselves delicious-looking banana and mango whips using ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold's (our) champion juicer. Ingredients; frozen banana and frozen mango (from a bag marked "Acme".)
10:00 Got up, moisturized (shea butter & top secret fragrance oil) and dress for train to town to prepare for 1pm rehearsal with drummer and bassist.
10:25 board train
10:50 drummer calls. Leaves messages to say that bassist won't be at rehearsal. Bassist texted basically that something came up, etc. And could the rehearsal be Thurs at 1pm.
10:52 I call drummer back and he begins same weak explaining. He does offer to keep the rehearsal. I let him finish talking and say that I'm gonna take some time to get in touch with what I want to do about this because Mike's cancelling 2 hours beforehand is "unacceptable". And I say that the drummer and I should still rehearse together, without the bassist. He sounded taken aback but energetically agreed to meet and rehearse as planned. [I mean what do you take me for, I ask you?!] I said we'll talk about Mike's Thurs the 1st request at our rehearsal.
11:20 arrive at Suburban Station
11:40 small miso soup (not raw L), platter of green salad with sesame and ginger dressing, sea vegetable salad and kimchi (spicy pickled cabbage, radish, and other vegetables)
12:15 buy cat food and litter
12:30 home, begin making green smoothies for Rich (drummer. Our routine before every rehearsal.)
1:00-5:00 hanging out and rehearsing with Rich. Business meeting with musicians always follows.
5:15-5:30 snackery (dates & smoothie)
5:30-6:15 songwriting and practicing singing fun and sacred new and old songs
6:15-6:30- Monica looks at room, uplifting talk about the stories we make up. Told her about my experience with Steve from Big Jar books. (I got a great sale by realizing I'd been making up stories, correcting that, and calling the place.)
6:3007:00 –washed dishes and put guitar and songbook and datebooks away
7:00 dancing and singing to Michel "Sweet Micky" Martelly's album "Denye Okazon" ("Last Occasion" in Haitian Kreyol), particularly tracks 3 (A Puye'm La – anyone know what that means? I have a feeling it's vile and oh so sexy!), 7 (Jan Cheche Jan Trouve (People Seek People Find), and 5 (Ce Ou Mwen Vie – It's You I Want).
7:45-8:45 aerobics, jumping around in place, stretching, yoga poses
8:45-10:00 singing along with recordings by:
Ani DiFranco
Milton Nascimento
Barbra Streisand, and listened to/studied/visualized myself doing the guitar and/or vocal solos/nuances of
Ani – Song: Pulse – Album: Little Plastic Castle
Nascimento: Amor Amigo – Cacador de Mim
Shimshai – Creation – I Sense Your Presence
Streisand – Guilty – Collection
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Little Wing
10:00-10:45 Shower, moisturize (shea buttore), clear and set up my soon to be gone Coveted King Size Bed (wimper, wimper, sniff, sniff)
10:45 Readin' and writin', but no 'rhythmetatin'
Nauseated from 5pm til I went to sleep off and on. Feel like there's a lump of cold nasty worms in my belly.
And on that note!
Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva

Recommended raw vegan support, food, and products:

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 17 of 90

22 October 2007

17th day 100% raw using Green Smoothies as dietary supplement and tool to curb cravings and resist temptation to cooked and junk foods.
Current weight (checked weekly): 189 lbs.
Start weight: 214 lbs.
The Raw Difference: 22 lbs. (over several months prior to Green Smoothie regimen)

Drank from yesterday's smoothie batch [4 greens – about 1 lb (collard, lettuce, dandelion, kale), 6 bananas, 3 pears, dates and water] and ate the following at the store today: Raw vegan "spaghetti" pesto and sauce, some banana carob whip, dehydrated "bread", various smoothies: some green, some mango. Later, had a pepper, and some orange. No exercise or meditation today. Progress, not perfeccione, as it were.

6:30 coach calls
6:45 – 7:50 reviewing yesterday's writing
8:00 boil water to melt depilatory wax (glamorous, eh?!)
8:30 wax face – much less painful, less and finer hair, and at 3 weeks growth, rather than the former 1-2 week growth. That was for the men and my PCOS symptomatic sisters out there J
8:45 breakfast – 5 bananas, way too many dates
8:55 pack overnight belongings for trip tonight
9:00 shower & all over moisturize with extra virgin olive oil (don't forget the butt cheeks! All Divas in Training moisturizing the butt cheeks. Even the boy ones!)
9:30 leave for train
11:00 arrive at destinaccione, as it were.
12:00 – 3:00 verk
4:00 ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold takes me to the Lansdale post office
4:30 home
4:40 put on comfy and sit on blanket in the backyard in the sun, relaxing, journaling, soaking up the sun, giving thanks, and as always, writing.
5:30 quality phone time with Larry my raw buddy
5:45 cleaned guest bathroom
6:00 online writing and networking
8:00 same as above plus quality time with housemates
10:30 sleep early for train to band rehearsal tomorrow

Hi, how are you? I'm sitting here thinking about all of you and how happy and lucky I am to be here, full of green juices, antioxidants, fruit, chlorophyll and the love and support of my new friends, colleagues, and housemates.
I hope for you that today you are feeling love, light, and support from the universal source for your dreams and that your dreams link up with others and you all fly together!

I miss meditation & exercise (oops, I guess I already said that!) That's one of the lovely things about both – you really start to enjoy it and the body wants more and more health. Arnold says that going raw is all about one thing and one thing only: LOVE. The body wants to be in a state of love and comfort all the time, so once you start adding more raw (love as living plants), into your body, home, and life, once you start doing things like yoga and exercise and giving and getting massages, once you start training your thoughts to be only positive and loving, your body will breathe a serious sigh of relief, express massive amounts of gratitude, and continue serving you in ways you never expected or maybe thought you even deserved. (Now how's that for a run-on sentence? J) All this from just eating (or drinking) one more living plant today!

Some schools of thought say that 100% raw isn't good because it makes your body "too" pure and susceptible to disease. That eating a little cooked makes the body able to resist the world it's around. One of my raw friends has a mostly raw little boy, but they don't make him be 100% because if at school godforbid he should eat a corn chip, he'd be rushed to the emergency room. Another friend was 100% raw and a few years ago had pneumonia so bad he almost died. Now he's a fiend about raw and very much so, but not 100%. Makes you tougher. Something I will totally consider for the future, when I have some kind of sense of balance and moderation, two things I've only read about online or visited at a museum or a zoo. (Meaning that I'm a total stranger to the concepts!)

So, iffn' you were payin' attention (and I just know that ya were!) you may have heard/read me say a little something a few ishas (issues) ago, about acquiring me a couple of bedwarmers or "bedmates" as they taught us in Sunday schools (NOT!). I think I said something like "I've gosta gits me some boytang in the next four weeks because it is getting cold and I need to cuddle with some male hotness!" Well, okay mayhap thems weren't my exact words. But I did say that I wanted to have one cuddle buddy and one lover-type guy in the next 4 weeks or so. Then I was in touch (coincidence? I think not!) with an ex-boyfriend who was a certified massage therapist (KEEPER!) that I was still in touch with and on good terms with, but then I realized, hey. Aren't I in a new relationship with the Universe (or "Creator" as one of my friends and colleagues wisely chooses)? Aren't I practicing the act, or, dare Moi sayeth, the "art", if you will, of surrender?
I thought I signed up for all kinds of excitement of being a new person, doing new things? Well then, what's with running the romance show, as usual?
See, as a so-called "survivor" (more on that later), one of my major issues was fear of male sexuality. So, as a result, since I still liked the male-types, I would simply and very astutely select the extremely unavailable ones to become involved with or pursue. I realized recently that being the more assertive one, initiating relationships, made me feel safer. But in the end, they never really worked because hello, they really weren't that into me. Some were, but even the ones who were weren't really good for me, not really on my level in many ways, just, I dunno. Not what I would've attracted or accepted if I was in love with myself (and believed I was) enough.
Another thing was that even though I was pretty sure which of my network I was going to attract back into Le Boudoir de Moi, as it were, I thought, wait a minute. I already know those guys. Already been there. Nothing will be new about this.
Also, knowing how much amazing good has come into my life simply by uttering the prayer of surrender and inviting the Universe to pleasantly surprise me, I can no longer settle for going with what I'm fully controlling, and what I already know.
That said, I am spiritually wide open to whatever experience the Universe wants me to have, including longtime singlehood. Lots of things are changing. I'm giving away my coveted king size bed for the greater good which I will at some point share with you. I am just now at the place where a small tear is not shed over that concept – the loss of My Coveted King Size Bed. Sweet lord Jesus, please bless me with so many wonderful experiences that I don't even miss that thing. Please, sweet baby Christ! (Letters: Cassendre Xavier Should Be Flogged in the Towne Square, POB 30204, Philadelphia, PA 19103-8204).

One of the things you will find out when, not if, you talk with Arnold, is that he speaks positively. Always and absolutely. Whatever it is you're feeling or complaining about or sharing, if there is pain there, he will simply acknowledge the blessing of the moment, of whatever it is, whether cancer or another illness, or being in one of the groups of people most maligned in this society, or being a so-called "survivor", he will discuss your experience as a blessing and remind you that every moment is one of joy and magic and possibility. An opportunity to love more, bigger, and better.
This is what I walked into when I started telling him my Sob Survivor story. I will discuss more of this throughout this journal/blog, as it's essential to my success (or previously, the lack thereof) of my path to healing from living plants as food.
As many raw foodists will tell you, going raw brings up issues, particularly the deep-seated ones. You'll need a lot of support from raw friends and mentors to help you through it. You'll also need meditation, prayer, visualization, exercise, laughing, sex, and/or whatever you need to comfort yourself and remember you are alive and grateful to be here.
In my case, I have a lot of support and am ready to face my scariest fears that I buried long ago surviving just to make it here now.
Now I can see why I survived, to help others. That's it. The only reason. Not to make purdy music, not to have hot romances, not to be a writer, just to help others.
When Arnold started telling me about how I had to let go of the title of "survivor" I was only half ready to receive and enact on that wisdom. My tendency, as an Aquarian, is to allow logic to override my emotions. In fact, I could feel terrible, but as long as I cognitively am aware that everything's okay, I feel better.
So, I was emotionally a wreck, but hearing Arnold's words really comforted me, because I knew he was right.
After about the 3rd similar conversation, I began noticing something new. I no longer felt like a survivor. I felt like I was making an effort to repeat the story and experience in my mind. It was as if I was fine, but just going back to be a survivor, to talk about it. Then I realized I didn't want to leave my little girl (inner child) behind. My reason for holding on to being a survivor was that I felt that after all those years she/I pretended everything was okay, to get out of the house alive, to get to be a grownup, to become a singer and not a teenage pregnant run-away, to not kill my abuser and spend the rest of my life in jail like so many survivors, I didn't want to ignore her. I thought she wanted to go through what I though I needed to go through now that I'm comfortable as an adult, now that I'm in a safe place. Now that I no longer suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or have a lot of nightmares or flashbacks. Now that I'm finally able to relate to men both sexually and emotionally, and at the same time even – whoo-hoo!. I thought okay, this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to go back there, get that little girl, talk to her, and go through all those years of abuse.
This is why I was a walking Inner Child the weeks before and shortly after I met Arnold.
Then after I believed him and knew I had to let go of the title and experience of "survivor", I began to ask the universe how to incorporate the new knowledge into my physical and emotional life. The answer was to ask my inner child what she wanted.
So I asked her, "What do you need and want?" Her answer surprised me. "I want you to remember me. Just remember me and have a good time." "What?" I answered. But what about all those years I ignored you and just ate and stuffed the pain and didn't spend any time with you and pretended you didn't exist? What about all the time we lost not having a childhood and losing our innocence?" "Just remember me," was the response, soon followed by, "I want to have fun!" She just wants to play and have fun! She doesn't want to relive any of that. She told me that she didn't go through all that to now bring it up and re-live it again. She's telling me that all the play we didn't do then, we can do, and are doing, now. She's saying that she doesn't want me to be a survivor, she wants me to be a person having the time of my life. She says that's the best way to remember and honor her, and to keep her along with me – to just really have a great time. And to love others, and to forgive everyone, especially my abuser (which I have/had in theory but will be able to do more emotionally as I embrace joy in life and live away from a survivor existence).
So that's it. You'll still hear me talking about my childhood in terms that survivors can understand and relate to, because they/you/we are my audience.
This issue is why I weigh 189 lbs and not 135 or less. This issue is why at age 38, I still have never had a significant mutual diggin' relationship with a man. This issue is why I have to refer to my team of beautiful women friends to advise me on what to do every step of the way with a man, because while others see Moi's beauty, Moi doethen't (not actually a word). So, I'll still be talking about it as it relates to how I'm consciously choosing joy and pleasure and not living in fear of intimacy nor avoiding the job of building my confidence to feel like the woman so many perceive Moi to be. So there! (Thank you, Inner Child! You RAWk!)

Okay. I think that'll about do it for me tonight. Did you have fun? I said "Did you have a good time? Yeah!! Hey, Philadelphia!!" Okay, I'm not onstage. Here we go, I'm gonna sing you to sleep, okay,
Good-night (make up some random melody here)
Stay well, my sweet blog-reader friend
Eat greens
Have fun
Be good to yourself!

Wishing you the best of times and the best of times,

Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva
"a cross between Tracy Chapman, Sade, & Enya" –Steven M. Wilson, Borders Music Expert

Get your CDs and MP3 downloads of Amethyste Rah/Cassendre Xavier guided meditations at!
Listen on MySpace
© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Green Smoothie Blog – Day 16 of 90

21 October 2007

16th day 100% raw using Green Smoothies as dietary supplement and tool to curb cravings and resist temptation to cooked and junk foods.
Current weight (checked weekly): 189 lbs.
Start weight: 214 lbs.
The Raw Difference: 22 lbs. (over several months prior to Green Smoothie regimen)

Blood pressure check: 136/92

Smoothie batch today:
4 greens – about 1 lb (collard, lettuce, dandelion, kale)
6 bananas
3 pears

Greetings! I hope this finds you doing well!
I had a great day today – worked at the store, totally doing what I love, bein' all fast and helpful and learning things and meeting new people. Then I came home and sat outside in the sun on the grass feeling truly blessed and grateful. Tomorrow I rehearse with my new drummer and bassist (the Cassendre Xavier Trio), and Friday we have our very first gig together. There are other things I'm excited about, but I'm holding the announcements until just the right time. (Don't worry, there ain't no baby or marriage involved. That's for sometime in the future after I've fallen in love with Moi-self in a new way.)

Since I started this thing, I've had certain things in my fridge and just had such a hard time throwing them away. This time, I did. And it was really hard, too, for various reasons. One, I was really tempted to eat it, two, it was really healthy, albeit cooked, and three, it was "wasting" food, something that as Haitian-American, I have a really hard time justifying. But I knew that if I didn't get that food out of my home, I would be confessing having eaten cooked food in my next blog. And I'm such a performer (hence this blog thing really working for me), that I couldn't bear to let you down like that. I would look really, really bad if I did that. I can understand if I'm on tour in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Eastern Europe and there's nothing for me to eat but boiled meat and potato soups, then that's one thing. But simple laziness is another.

I keep a dream journal and had a disturbing dream that revealed my anxiety about becoming more beautiful and sexually appealing. I'm not sure that I want to be beautiful in the conventional way, and I'm grappling with that and the responsibilities that come with it.

I have a friend who was advised by her physician to eat meat to replace the iron she lost with a very heavy cycle recently. I emailed her this today:

Hi, ----[My friend]! I just wanted to let you know that at a raw vegan potluck i attended saturday, this guy Ken was sharing his Green Smoothie recipe with me and he mentioned that he gives blood regularly and noticed that his iron was getting very low. he started putting blackstrap molasses in his smoothies, and right away there was a significant increase in the iron levels in his blood.
i know you trust your health care practitioner, but i just thought i'd put out there that so many nutrients can be found in plants, with very few exceptions.
to my understanding, molasses isn't raw, but it ain't meat, either (with its hormones and energy from the tortured animal).
hope you're feeling really good again soon, regardless of what you eat, though!

Reddish Swiss Chard (has the best taste, not *bitter like kale)
Handful of grapes
Sometimes a fresh peach
Blackstrap molasses (rich in iron)
12 oz water
3 or 4 dates

*In my opinion, what's bitter tasting to you is what your body doesn't need. I told Ken about my raw friend Shawna who loves basil as one of her greens in her smoothie. Basil. When she told me that, it almost gave me dry heaves. I loves me some basil in savory things, but in a smoothie, well you might as well put some garlic in that bad boy. Why not some hot sauce, too, why don't ya? No, not for me the basil in my sweet smoothie, but Shawna she loves it! So Ken things kale is bitter, but I love it and think it's really mild and sweet. But I haven't tried Swiss Chard yet to compare. What is clear is that my body and tastebuds like kale and Ken's bod and tastebuds? Not so much.

I've been having many food cravings, and I think they're triggered by my eating prepared "gourmet" raw vegan dishes, with salt and condiments. For two days after the raw potluck I was really wanting more food like that, whereas when I only ate bowls of plain fruit and vegetables, that didn't happen. And when I crave flavored foods, the temptation to eat cooked is much stronger.
Still, I'm not ready to say right now that I'm going not to eat any flavored or prepared raw dishes, why? Because one, they're raw vegan and still not too bad for me (unless you count their high sodium content which is bad for me on account of my high blood pressure –darn it!), and two, I just got a job at a raw vegan restaurant, so of course I'm going to be around it. Not realistic to say no right now. Someday I may be ready, and that someday may be sooner than I think, but it ain't now, that's for darn sure.
Besides, it's not as if I was really very close to "cheating" on my raw regimen. The closest I came to eating non-raw was the other day at the office when the bowl of iniquity (chips and "energy bars") was right there in front of my face on top of the fridge. Okay, well, not exactly in front of my face, but you see the diff? Last week, that bowl was on the counter and I had the easy strength to put it on top of the fridge. This time it already was on top of the fridge and I had to go out of my way to grab the bowl and look in it. See the difference?
Anyway. I had many ounces of my green smoothie with Moi to keep Moi honest. That stuff is the BOMB, yo! (As if I talk that way. Ever.)

I'm gonna kick some serious ass on this raw vegan thing, lose a ton of weight, get all hot, start playing some electric guitar and wail like I know I have it in me. What do you think? Would that be okay with you? You think I can do that? Would you mind? Let's see what the future it holds. Merry Christmas!

Arnold did this adorable thing that white people do sometimes, they put black people with each other. I'd called him in the beginning and one of the first things I said to him was, "Why don't you have any black people on your YouTube posts?" Then we talked more and I told him my situation (of needing some serious raw support) and he told me about Larry Smith and paired me up with him as a buddy. Funny thing is, Larry thought I was white until we met at the potluck Saturday. Anyway, he's a great supporter and I'm surprised that I inspire him now. He's not 100% raw – only 60% but he wants to be. He's working with Brandon of Arnold's Way to add to his raw culinary skills and expand his equipment supply to be able to make beautiful and tasty dishes not only for himself but for his entire community. Larry's vibe and intention, as with many raw vegans you either are or will meet, is global. He wasn't just thinking about himself and how he could stay raw, he was thinking about what he would need, realistically, to be able to serve as much as he could.
I found out my new raw buddy and sister Shawna Morris is, in addition to being a singer-songwriter-guitarist, but a certified occupational therapist who assists folks in healing through the raw vegan diet and lifestyle. I had no idea! I am meeting more an more folks who are blending with my goals.

Well, I'm gonna go now. Lots of sleepin' to do. And readin', too.

Have a beautiful night!
Take care of your innards. Love 'em, and they'll love you back.

Chlorophyll smiles to ye 'n yern!

Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva
"a cross between Tracy Chapman, Sade, & Enya" –Steven M. Wilson, Borders Music Expert

Get your FREE DOWNLOADS of Cassendre Xavier guided meditations (CDs at cost - only $5.50) at! (For a limited time only)
Listen on MySpace

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Green Smoothie Blog – Day 15 of 90

20 October 2007

15th day 100% raw using Green Smoothies as dietary supplement and tool to curb cravings and resist temptation to cooked and junk foods.
Current weight: 189 lbs.
Start weight: 214 lbs.
The Raw Difference: 22 lbs. (over several months prior to Green Smoothie regimen)

Shopping today for what I put in my smoothie:
Dandelion greens

Hello! I hope this message finds you doing swimmingly! I'm working at Arnold's Way on Monday noon-3pm and every Wednesday 11:30am-6pm. So iffn' you want to stop by sometime, why, that would be just peachy!

Made a much lighter green smoothie, on accounta I think the fruit was bothering me – too much sugar. More on that in a future blog. Felt good to listen to my body and not ignore the signals. Intuition, man. That's what it's all about. Oprah Winfrey says she makes 95% of her decisions on her "gut" or intuition. "I am highly attuned to my [inner voice/intuition]", says she.

Went to Arnold's Way's raw potluck featuring a speaker named Larry Smith who'd lost 50 lbs in 60 days doing Green Smoothies and raw vegetable juices. He was a really dynamic speaker and we all had a great time eating the more than 8 delicious sweet and savory gourmet raw vegan entrees and desserts prepared by Arnold's Way staff member Brandon.

Larry spoke about how brainwashed we are to not listen to what's best for our bodies (living plants as food) but do what the dominant culture has trained us to do (go for traditional medicine), which often leads to our demise, while lining the coffers of that industry.

He spoke with resigned sadness of his sister who is getting sicker and sicker and of others who resist the "good news" of plants as gift for our bodies and wellness from God. It was really inspiring – almost as inspiring as the food!

I met lots of nice people and I look forward to returning to the next potluck.

Here very quickly is a recipe (my first raw drink recipe!) for something I prepared a few months ago when I was at a very stressful and long recording session, ironically enough, for my guided meditation "relaxation" CDs "Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love" and "Affirmations for Survivors: Spirituality"!
The session went from 8pm to 5am and I, not a night person, wasn't tired at all. In fact I had all this energy and I was sure I'd discovered a rad new, real "energy drink". It also produces feelings of euphoria.
I realized that if most Americans used this concoction instead of coffee, it would be an amazing thing to watch! Try it and see how YOU feel!

Kale Koffee / Kale Water

Equipment needed:
average kitchen blender
fine sieve or clean cloth (like a tee shirt) for straining the fibers out of the drink
1 large portable container for your drink

1 bunch or 1 lb of kale (a nutrient and cholorophyll, protein-building, cancer & disease-preventing leafy green)
spring or filtered water as needed

Optional: lemon, lime, or a very small amount of RAW/fresh-squeezed fruit juice for flavoring (not pasteurized which is boiled for a long time)

1. Fill the blender almost halfway with water
2. Tear 3 or more large leaves of kale into small pieces and put into blender almost about 2 inches from the top
3. Put lid on tightly
4. Blend at a very high speed for at least 1 whole minute until it's very smooth
5. Repeat process until you have as much concentrated liquid as you will need for the day
6. Run liquid through strainer or cloth
7. Dilute liquid to a darkish green for "Koffee" and lighter green for "Water".

Drink all day or night as needed for energy and/or hydration.

Send your results to: artchyk @

Sorry for the short entry today. You know I love you!

See you next time!

Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva
"a cross between Tracy Chapman, Sade, & Enya" –Steven M. Wilson, Borders Music Expert

Get your CDs & MP3 downloads of Amethyste Rah/Cassendre Xavier guided meditations at!
Listen on MySpace

© Copyright 2007 by Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

ME! ME! ME! “Affirming the Green” Ediccione

ME! ME! ME! The Cassendre Xavier Newsletter

The "Affirming the Green" ediccione, if you will. (As it were.)

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Well, hello, m'wee pupperlings, did ya miss Moi?
Well, I certainly have missed you!
I have a bunch of new concerts coming up that I'm so excited to tell you about...

I have a new band -- drummer Rich Santucci (of the band Blue Orleans), bassist Mike Taylor (of the band SoulGrit), violinist Dorothea DiGiovanni, and vocalists James Claiborne and Dena Underwood. Some of my gigs will be solo, some trio (me, Rich, and Mike) (such as our trio set at Ecco Qui at 32nd & Chestnut in Philly on Friday Oct 26th 6pm-9pm -FREE!)

For about a year, I've been enjoying the affirmation songs of singer-songwriter Karen Drucker Her CDs Songs of the Spirit II and Songs of the Spirit III, recommended by SARK have really helped me a lot. I began composing affirmation songs of my own, in the soul-inspired, a capella style of my song "Nothing is All I Need", and singing them every day. They helped me a lot and I felt called to share them, but I was afraid. Being raw vegan (details below) has given Moi the strength and emotional fortitude, or just plain ol' gumption to do many things I either couldn't have conceived of doing before, or thought of but completely would chicken out of doing! In this case, I'm terrified (it's so much easier to "perform" than it is to "share" my songs, particularly since these are so close to my heart and not meant for entertainment but for empowerment, encouragement, and healing), but I know for a very certain fact that I'm supposed to be sharing these songs. Therefore, I will be leading a series of "Affirmations Sing-Alongs" in Lansdale, PA, on certain Sundays beginning Nov 4th at 11:30am FREE! Children, percussion instruments, arrhythmic and tone-deaf folks are most welcome and encouraged to participate, and all participants will receive 50% off of a Green Smoothie.

I am doing the raw vegan thing (again) but this time with much more support and magic is happening by way of new venues, opportunities to perform, and amazing raw artists to perform with, such as singer-songwriter Shawna Morris, who will be sharing the bill with me on Nov 28th when we have another wonderful candle-lit house concert in Ardmore, PA, featuring again, Dorothea DiGiovanni on violin.
I'll be performing at raw vegan chef and instructor Michelle Pierson's Raw Potluck on Tues, Nov 13th. Details are on my myspace music page , or you can visit Michelle's website at

My MySpace music or band page now is rigged to download the songs for free. I've never done this before – given my downloads away for free, and there's no tellin' how long this will last, so please take advantage of this at :-)
And I've got more free downloads are available at my Lulu storefront , where you can buy cheap ass CDs (yes i said "ass") at cost for $5.50 or free downloads of my albums "Affirmations for Survivors: Self-Love" and "Affirmations for Survivors: Spirituality". Visit the MySpace Amethyste Affirmations page, too, at for more free downloads full length track samples! (The amethyst is my birthstone, and Amethyste Rah is my self-assigned soul-name.)

I am thrilled to be of clearer mind and fitter, healthier body (22 lbs lighter and 14 days 100% raw vegan as of this typing, more flexible and stronger after months of exercise, yoga, and Pilates), to be of service as a musician and raw food supporter.
If you'd like to read about my recent and ongoing transformation eating only living plant foods, please visit my Raw Journey at, where I'm writing a blog on how green smoothies (half greens, half fruit) are rebuilding and healing my body. I'm doing a 90 day Green Smoothie regimen coached by raw food store and cafe owner, coach, activist, and visionary Arnold Kauffman If you'd like to go raw and would like support, feel free to email me at artchyk @ I'm happy to take the time to assist you in your journey of radiant health, emotional clarity and empowerment.

All for now, you adorable bunny rabbits.

Hope to see your lovely, shining face soon :-)

mad psychic hugs to ye 'n yern,


Raw Vegan Diva (and World Server in Training)

New gigs always posed at

CX Sings at Michelle Pierson’s Raw Potluck 11/13/07

Tuesday, November 13th 2007, I'll be performing at a raw vegan/living foods potluck hosted by and at the home of raw chef and instructor Michelle Pierson in the Queen Village/South Street area of Philadelphia.

Further details:

Time: 6:30pm-8:30pm
Location: Private residence, Philly (RSVP required)
Admission: $10 or a raw vegan/living foods dish for 4-6 people (prepared with honey is acceptable)
Please RSVP by Saturday, Nov 10th 2007 to: livingsunfoods @ (gaps added to reduce spam – please remove gaps before emailing) or by calling (215) 498-0845

Websites: Michelle Pierson –
Cassendre Xavier –,

Friday, October 19, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 14 of 90

19 October 2007

14th day 100% raw using Green Smoothies as dietary supplement and tool to curb cravings and resist temptation to cooked and junk foods.
Current weight: 189 lbs.
Weight before I went raw: 214 lbs.
Weight before 90-Day Green Smoothie Regimen: 197 lbs
The Raw Difference: 25 lbs. (since going raw. 8 lbs since starting Green Smoothie regimen)

9:00 weigh in at home
12:10 blood pressure at CVS machine 139/93 (ideal: 115/75)
12:45 TLA to pick up copies of PGN ( which runs my monthly column "Black/Out" on the 3rd Friday of every month. This issue's column had a big plug for ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold's Way!
1:00 arrive at post office – packages and mail
1:20 20th street produce (pears, dates, bananas, lettuce)
2:00 home- lunch of 4 Tablespoons raw extra virgin coconut oil, 4 carrots, 1 leaf of collards, a little raw garlic
2:30 make smoothie
3:35 meditate (10 min)
3:50 exercise (50 min)
4:30 shower and pack
5:00 leave for suburban station
5:20 leave for Arnold's Way to shoot YouTube testimony of my Green Smoothie regimen. Should be posted in a few weeks. Visit for updates and many other posts.

Hi, there. I'm tired and in a bad mood, but I'm glad you're here and I really appreciate your reading this!
It is my hope and intention that this blog continues to reach all who need and are helped by it. Right now I'm fielding emails from folks reaching out with questions and need for support in going raw or even just making a couple of green smoothies every day – a wonderfully easy way to significantly increase your health.

Raw extra virgin coconut oil is used as a natural anti-depressant and weight loss aid. It's a very healthy fat and has many other uses, moisturizer for example. You can add it to smoothies to slow down the absorption of sugar while drinking, for example. Arnold thinks if you're really wanting to lose weight, avocadoes are better. I know that when I was eating all raw and drinking and eating several young coconuts every week, I lost 4-5 lbs a week. Now that I'm doing green smoothies, eating a little solid raw vegan foods every day, and doing raw coconut oil from a jar, I'm doing 3 lbs a week. I even do more strenuous exercise much more often, and only did weekly yoga or Pilates before, still I'm losing less. So perhaps there's something to the avocado theory. Either that or living coconuts are much better than the processed fat. I'll be trying avocadoes soon and will let you know my results. I do know it's not fun to eat the coconut oil. Usually I just eat it straight as a meal. 4 tablespoons. Ever put 4 tablespoons of pure fat into your mouth at once? Not fun. And I've been fantasizing about putting avocadoes in my smoothie. Smooth sexy avocado. Mmmmmm, creeeaaaammmy!

I think I've been sharing with you about how much strength being raw is giving me. Strength to share power, to collaborate with others, to share my music in a new and vulnerable way, to speak up for myself, to end unhealthy relationships and prepare ground, behaviors, and surroundings to create healthy ones. I had an experience I would like to share with you precious beings who are walking the same path as I – one of self-discovery, empowerment, and adventure!
My day didn't start out the way I wanted it to. My drummer Rich was supposed to meet me in our apartment lobby at 7:30am for us to go play Suburban Station. At 7:00am, he text messaged me on my mobile phone to say, "Im sorry, I cant go, Ive been up all night I just couldn't get to sleep youll have to fly solo today."
I was pissed. I had planned the entire evening before to go to sleep earlier to be ready to go early. I'd even texted him the night before to say, "please dress this certain way so we can get better tips, etc". He didn't respond to that message. He had plenty of time to cancel in a way that I could sleep in late and not be ready to meet him at seven in the damn morning using all my strength to get out of my spacious king size bed to go out into the coldish day to work.
In the olden (cooked and junk foods) days, I would've lied and said, "Oh that's okay." This time, I knew I had to tell the truth, and I took the time to say it exactly the way I wanted to say it. I wanted to be clear that I wasn't happy about it, and I wanted to discuss it with him in person, how important reliability is for me. So this is what I texted him back:
"oh. That reminds me of something I wanted to bring up at our last meeting. We'll talk about it at the next one. Please let me know as soon as you can when our next rehearsal is. I am looking forward to and already started online advertising our Ecco Qui 10/26 show so I'm really hoping there wont be any problems or last minute cancellations with that. Thanks Rich and have a good and restful day. I look forward to hearing from you about next rehearsal with Mike whom my colleague Monica McIntyre knows from their days in the band SoulGrit." So I kept it clear I was unhappy, left it for us to discuss in person, was light and professional and hopeful about our future plans as a band, and let him know I was looking forward to performing with his bassist and informed about his work and colleague. His next messages to me were professional and had updates about our rehearsal and confirmation of our Ecco Qui show, which I'd been nervous about because I hadn't yet heard that the manager had confirmed our date, although Rich was confident that she would. I think I handled myself truthfully and professionally and I'm really glad I spoke up. I think he has more respect for me now and I plan to keep it up!

I started noticing, when drinking young coconut milk and eating young coconut meat, and being raw vegan, that I was becoming incredibly attractive, and I don't just mean aesthetically, although my physical appearance is improving as well. I would be walking down the street and people would start walking closer to my side of the sidewalk. People looked at and spoke to me more.
One day I realized I had to move from where I was. I knew I was planning to move anyway, but it became even more important to me because of this:

If I am attracting a lot of energy, and I am more magnetic now than I ever have been, partly because I'm eating foods extremely high in electrolytes, and sun foods, then it is very important that I ensure my surroundings are as full of positive elements as possible.

I will talk more about this from time to time, but for now I am attracting positive elements and placing myself in situations to optimize my growing raw vegan food-caused magnetism.
I believe spirituality is a big part of it to…again, something I'll be discussing from time to time.

Well, it's late, and I'm plumb tuckered out. Been nice bein' with ya.

Take good care of yourself, and see you next time!

Cassendre Xavier, Raw Vegan Diva
"a cross between Tracy Chapman, Sade, and Enya" (Steven M. Wilson, Borders Music Expert)

Get your CDs & MP3s of Amethyste Rah/Cassendre Xavier guided meditations at!
Listen on MySpace

© Copyright 2007 Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 13 of 90

18 October 2007

13th day 100% raw using Green Smoothies as dietary supplement and tool to curb cravings and resist temptation to cooked and junk foods.
Current weight: 189 lbs.
Weight before I went raw: 214 lbs.
Weight before 90-Day Green Smoothie Regimen: 197 lbs
The Raw Difference: 25 lbs. (since going raw. 8 lbs since starting Green Smoothie regimen)

Solid food: Dates

7:00 coach calls, interrupting dream sequence
7:10 dreamlogue & interpretation
8:15 drank green smoothie
8:30 stopped writing
8:45 -9:45 sleep again
10:30 get dressed & packed for subway
11:00 rehearsal with drummer
----------------made green smoothies for my drummer and roommate's brother
12:00-3:00 rehearsal & business meeting, booked gig with bassist
3:00 -4:00 made day's supply of green smoothie
4:30 -6:30 nap
7:15 pack for errand
7:45 errand
8:30 office

Hi, there!

I weigh 189 lbs, whoo-hoo!! I went to the center today, a few blocks from my house to get on an accurate scale, and found that I'd lost 3 lbs in the last week! I'm really happy about that!

..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold has a lot of tips for me to lose weight more efficiently and quickly. These are the things I'd been doing which he thinks may be inhibiting more weight loss, followed by his suggestions for improvement:

a) Adding oranges or orange juice to my smoothie. (Adding 100 calories per orange. And the first week I was adding up o 8 oranges! He said to use bananas and one or two other fruit instead.)

b) Eating extra virgin coconut oil. (That's a processed fat that wouldn't occur in nature in its concentrated form. We have to force ourselves to eat straight coconut fat. Use one avocado instead for a healthy, lighter fat.)

c) Not exercising enough nor strenuously enough. (Sometime soon, he'll show me some new workout programs of More aggressive exercise including rebounding on a trampoline and using a piece of equipment to flip myself upside down with my legs up, etc.)

When he first was telling me these things, I was resistant at first. After, all, I'm a grown ass woman. I've been doing raw off an on since 2005, and I know what to eat to lose weight! I've been exercising on my own several times a week – I'd been also doing yoga and Pilates, I mean, really, give a girl a little credit here, mister!

But then I realized, hey, I'm getting free suggestions from someone who really knows what he's talking about. More importantly, he'd proposed the 90 – Day Green Smoothie regimen – the very first time he'd ever done that. No one before Moi has done this – not with his coaching anyway… and the least I can do is take more of his advice and see how far it will take me. So far, his suggestions have done me a lot of good.
I'll be working on these things over the next few weeks and report the results.

I was very tired this week. An average of two naps a day and still feeling sleepy. The only time I feel energized is when I exercise and meditate. Also can't seem to drink enough water. Always drinking, peeing, and feeling dehydrated. I know I'm dehydrated, because my skin is dry – I keep having to moisturize my hands and the skin above my fingernails is peeling painfully. I don't know what it is, but I expect it to improve.

I used to say "I don't want to eat this anymore" or "I don't feel comfortable unless I eat this". For example, I used to say I needed to drink vegetable juice to feel healthy. But days after I wrote that, I stopped craving vegetables or vegetable juice. But then I went grocery shopping and fell in love with a bag of okra. But I didn't love it enough to take it home with me – I just made some nice eyes at it and left it there to try to seduce someone else. Every day my body is growing, changing, and needing different things. And every day I am learning more and more about the optimum raw diet for me. So now I just say "today I don't like this" or "today, I really want this". It's fun!

In one of my favorite books, one that I will mention a lot, "Creating Money: Keys to Abundance, by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer PhD", they talk about how in order to create what you want, you've got to start doing the essence of what it is. I want to be a celebrity recording artist who does yoga and Pilates regularly. So, I've got to do yoga and Pilates regularly. Since I stopped attending the classes held at the health center near my home, I decided that in order to be a chyk who does yoga, I've got to do the yoga. I can't just think about how cool it would be to be someone who does yoga. I've got to get down with my thick-wasted, inflexible self, and do the poses several times a week. Now I do that at home. And when I do, I look in the mirror, I notice my slimming, more flexible body – I record my progress and I smile. I know that the singer, musician, and actress I will become is being built right now.

I have a theory. Go with me on this: I believe that because we're so used to eating cooked "foods", junk "foods", being surrounded by toxins, and swallowing pharmaceutical drugs, and not having enough emotional support or community bonding, that the dis-eases we have are just normal to us. Then, when we go raw, we're amazed that the conditions are reversed, that we become all beautiful, and we become wiser and gentler and we begin to de-age – we think this is all great and the height of what is possible for us on the raw vegan diet/lifestyle. But I disagree. The longer I am raw, and the more amazing raw people I see and what they accomplish, and how they think, the more I think this: We are all avatars. Imagine what would happen if every child grew up eating raw vegan food, exercising in nature, being supported and taught spiritual lessons?
I think raw vegan food can be a spiritual practice. I think we can eat only living plants, and use the energy we get to channel into activities to forward humanity. Sure, we can reverse cancer, diabetes, many mental disorders and other conditions, but those are problems that wouldn't have been there had those elements that caused them been absent.
If you went raw vegan, and had a super burst of energy that was permanent, what would you do with it?

Just something to think about.
Take good care of yourself, and see you next time!

Cassendre Xavier
Performing Songwriter, Musician, and World Server in Training

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© Copyright 2007 Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Green Smoothie Blog – Day 12 of 90

17 October 18, 2007

12th day 100% raw using Green Smoothies as dietary supplement and tool to curb cravings and resist temptation to cooked and junk foods.

Current weight: 192 lbs.
Start weight: 214 lbs.
The Raw Difference: 22 lbs. (over several months prior to Green Smoothie regimen)

Drank water and green smoothies in addition to the following gourmet raw vegan and living foods:
Banana whip (Ingredients: bananas)
Strawberry whip (strawberries)
Green Smoothie – mine (collards, kale, pears, oranges, bananas, dates, water)
Green Smoothie – Arnold's (lettuce, organic green apple, organic red apple, bananas, water)
Dehydrated bread (flax seeds and other secret ingredients)
Raw "pasta" and sauce dish (zucchini, durian, sundried tomatoes and more)

Hi, everyone, how are you?

Guess what, I've started working part time at Arnold's Way! I'm so excited! I am now preparing raw vegan dishes I'd only viewed on DVDs, such as gourmet dehydrated breads, whips, and smoothies. I'm really looking forward to making soups.
I had my first banana whip and was really amazed and surprised by how much like ice cream it tasted.
I was thinking that the best way to put people onto raw is to go in a van around the city and make them banana whips. They are also very filling. I had an absolutely amazing "pasta" and sauce dish. Wow. Again, something I'd only previously seen on DVDS – Alissa Cohen's "Living on Live Foods" to be exact. When I saw the pasta dish with the sundried tomatoes I knew I would love that one. The dish with the cashews (fettuccini alfredo) didn't appeal to me so much as I am really not attracted to nuts. They don't make any sense to me. I don't imagine myself walking through the woods and picking and eating them. I don't even know how they occur, or grow, or where they come from. So that tells me my body doesn't need 'em.
I was talking to a woman who said that going raw is challenging for her, because she's Italian – the average so-called "pasta" dish isn't going to do it. I'm lucky because I don't have that problem. Also, I've always loved fruits and vegetables. To me, the zucchini (run through a gadget that makes it come out like angel-hair pasta with a light green tint from the skin which has a lot of nutrients) tasted just like a firm al dente (is that redundant?) pasta. The sauce was divine, and because the meal was almost all fruit (zucchini, tomatoes, and durian), I felt myself assimilating it very quickly and powerfully. I had a lot of energy and I felt so happy! Eating the meal just put a big huge smile on my face and I actually laughed throughout the whole thing. I'm laughing a lot these days. It's not always convenient. (More on that in a future posting.)

In the olden days, I would eat bowls of pasta with ice cream for desert, and afterwards my stomach would hurt (no surprise there). With eating a "pasta" and "ice cream" made only of fruit (pasta: zucchini, sauce: tomatoes, durian, and banana whip: bananas), I had no pain or problems at all. It felt really good knowing that nothing I had put in my mouth was going to harm my body in any way. I'm also amazed at how filling small portions are in raw vegan food. They're filling but you eat a lot, too. At the meal, I'm full, but then two hours later I want another little filling meal. It seems to me a very good way to eat.

I'd originally planned to go to the fitness center tomorrow to weigh myself, but my drummer Rich and I made last minute plans to perform tomorrow morning at Suburban Station (8am-12noon) so that scraps that. It's possible and highly likely that I'll go weigh myself afterwards, before I go to Arnold's Way to be filmed with others for a Raw Testimonial series to be posted on YouTube some time in the near future. I hope that I've lost at least three lbs in the last week or so, but I won't be surprised if I've either stayed the same, or godforbid, gained a pound or two. I'm not sure why. Partly because of the quantity of Green Smoothie I was drinking the first week (a lot!), and partly because I did weightlifting two days. I feel like I've lost weight, though. The time, it will tell.

I forgot to tell you that about a week after I started the Green Smoothie regimen, I told Arnold that he didn't need to call me twice a day anymore, and that I would call if I needed more support. He said that he's responsible for my success in this and that he would still call for the duration of the 90 days. But I've decided that I can be available to support anyone else in their journey if they wish. Just email me if I can help you in any way. I've already met (online) several new raw friends that I am both receiving support from and giving support to – yay!
The first three days, though, I was far from secure. I felt very needy and week, and I started worrying about what would happen at the end of my 90 day Green Smoothie regimen. (The regimen, by the way, is to simply add 2 green smoothies – 32 oz. worth – to your regular diet every day. My personal goal was to use the regiment to remain 100%, and your goal can be whatever you want to do.)
I remembered that when I was having difficulty starting a recording career, worrying about falling into some sort of abyss after the dream of my having released my 1st title came true, my therapist at the time said, "Well, start planning the 2nd one." That was a big breakthrough. Once I was starting to plan the 2nd CD, most of my fears about releasing the first one dissipated.
So, I thought I would use the same approach with Arnold as my raw coach who I needed like a newborn needs the breast.
I said to him, "Hey, can you coach me for another 90 days after this?" I thought it would be a breeze, because after all, he's only calling me twice a day, right?
Well, his response surprised me, "Another 90 days? That's a lot…" and we started talking about it. Then I realized that he was doing a lot. The pep talks take energy, I did need a lot of support and encouragement, and I am, after all, far from his only client/friend, and raw person in need of support and encouragement. At first I felt disappointed, and for a little while terrified thinking, "What will I do when I lose Arnold's coaching time and attention?" But then I came up with another solution: offer to coach others!
I was going to announce that I'm available to help anyone do a 90 Green Smoothie Regimen after I've completed mine. That way, the circle keeps going and I have the motivation and the strength to keep raw myself. After all, how can I coach others and not be raw myself?
But I never even got to post that, because magically people started emailing me in response to my blog, giving me opportunities to serve and support them in their own transformation. And some of them have their own blogs, like Michele's "Sparkle In Raw" blog at, to which I now subscribe. Like Moi, Michele is melanin enriched and raw. Yay!

Well, I'm going to go now, but before I do, there's something very, very important I want (more like NEED) to share with you…Something absolutely crucial to remember as you travel your path of sexy rawness… You may want to write this one down to share with others – it's a gem –

It is so fun to eat a banana whip anyway. It's cool and smooth and yummy and really good for you. But then when fifteen minutes later you're all "burp" and the ambrosia of banana comes wafting up all sweet and fruity, well, it just makes you glad to be alive. Just my experience. You try it and tell me!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to ya!

Cassendre Xavier
Raw Vegan Diva (and World Server in Training)

Get your Amethyste Rah/Cassendre Xavier guided meditation CDs & MP3 downloads at!

© Copyright 2007 Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 11 of 90

16 Oct 2007

Very rushed day today with hectic schedule. A new obligation/opportunity to go to, and I packed everything I would need to go to gig tomorrow night right after work, too, because I stayed overnight.
Emotionally and physically I feel pretty good, albeit very sleepy. An average of two naps per day. I noticed that I haven't sung in Suburban Station in a while. Creating new networks and performance opportunities. Have easily been able to make my green smoothies every day and not tempted much at all to go cooked or junk.
Solid foods: zucchini, durian sundried tomatoes

What I did today, while drinking water and green smoothie:
6:00 awake
7:00 upright
8:45 pack laundry
9:00 leave for laundry
10:30 home – make smoothie
10:40 clip & smooth fingernails
10:45 paint toenails
11:00 eat 4 tablespoons raw extra virgin coconut oil
11:45 pack for trip & gig
12:15 leave for train
1:00 train leaves
1:30-1:50 nap on train
2:15 arrive at destination
3:00-8:00 destination
8:00-11:00 quality friend time

Today's green smoothie batch contained: 5 mostly small collard leaves, 4 kale leaves, 5 bananas, 7 dates, 2 large pears, juice of 2 oranges, water as needed. Packed 2 bananas for the road and stayover.

Missed meditation and exercise today, but looking forward to having these be a part of my daily schedule always.

The more developments that occur, the less I want to discuss them and the more secretive I become. At some point being in the mystery means waiting for others to join you there. I used to be on the other side, and now I'm here. It's imperfect, but it's a dream, and the live plants are in and creating it.



Tired Raw Singer & Server in Training
..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Arnold's Way (Raw Vegan Cafe/Store & Support)

Get your Amethyste Rah/Cassendre Xavier guided meditation CDs & MP3 downloads at

© Copyright 2007 Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 10 of 90

15 Oct 2007

10th day 100% raw. Got a lot done today! Look:

7:00 awake, drank H20 & 8oz smoothie
7:15 phone check in with raw coach
7:30 – 8:00 deep thoughts (not the ones by Jack Handey, though his books are GREAT!)
8:00 – 9:30 more sleeper (a.k.a. "sleepage")
9:30 – 10:45 read, made "Love to Do" list, ordered CDs (of mine)
10:30 ate 4 tablespoons of raw extra virgin coconut oil
10:45 – 11:45 made day's batch of green smoothie
11:45 meditation (20 minutes!)
----------- housework: cleaned litter box, took out trash, mopped kitchen floor
----------- human contact/practice social skills (talked with my roommates visiting brother)
----------- mini pedicure
1:30 – 2:10 more sleep
2:20 – 2:45 yoga
2:50 – 3:50 aerobics/calisthenics/stretching/dancing
4:00 shower
4:45 – 4:45 rehearsed, sang, studied recently recorded guitar parts
4:45 left for post office
5:10 bought bananas
5:20 post office – received orders [Jane Fonda's Light Aerobics & Stress Reduction Program VHS; Stanley & Iris –excellent movie starring Robert De Niro and Jane Fonda VHS; Matisyahu: Live at Stubb's CD, Shimshai: I Sense Your Presence CD.]
6:15 bought laundry detergent
7:30 arrive at office

I can't tell if it's the exercise, sleep, or yoga, but I felt AMAZING today after my workout. Really good. I really felt that thing that people feel when they exercise – that euphoria or anti-depressant effect. I think about celebrities who have 6 hours a day to devote to working out, and I think – you know what? That's not a luxury. When your body is your tool and you spend many hours a week using it, exercising it should be a basic need and not something extra and special. I used to only think of it in terms of Hollywood celebrities needing to stay thin and young looking, but after I felt today, I realized perhaps there could be something more.

The last two days I've been drinking much more water, and I feel a lot better. My raw coach and buddy don't really drink a lot of water, but that's what I need right now. Some reasons I may need it are: I sing for hours a day, and singing dehydrates you. My bedroom is very dry. The bridge of my acoustic guitar has been steadily raising over the last several months. It really bothers me, and I'm going to have to have it checked out because if I don't have a guitar, I don't have much. I've had problems before with the humidity or dryness level of the rooms I've stored my guitars in. My Ovation 12-string had serious damage done to it because my room was too dry. So if wood and steel can have such a severe reaction to extreme dryness, imagine the delicate tissues of the body? I read an interview of Mariah Carey recently and she says she has about 20 vaporizers in her bedroom for her throat. Since she can hit notes that only canines can hear, I'm guessing those things work. I wake up every morning with a very dry throat. I can't tell if it's from snoring or dry room or sleep apnea...But it's another thing I tell myself not to worry about and that I'll get to fixing it soon. I've had vaporizers from time to time, but not for very long. Someday I'll have a whole Mariah set-up. Another reason I might need more water is that I blow my nose all the time. Particularly at home, because I am allergic to cats so of course I feel the need to have one. Again – something that will change soon. Also I just got off the rag (nice language huh? :-) and lordess knows some serious fluid was lost there. I say these things for the men only, by the way. I know you need to hear about heavy flow days and consistency and clotting and that you're dying to know whether I use pads or tampons. I know you need this information, men. This is why I share!
Anyway. The thing is not to question what you need, just give your body what it asks for. Arnold and Larry don't need a lot of water right now, but they're not 192lb bleedin' women who sing for 6 hours every day standing in the subway with no break – for example!
After I changed the formula of my green smoothie yesterday (I cut all the quantities in half or more), I also decided I was going to drink less of it. I drank it all day like it was water. When I was hungry, I drank, when I was thirsty, I drank. I drank it all day. Now, when I'm hungry I drink, and when I am thirsty, I choose water. I feel much better. The headaches go away when I drink water. Water is good for me. It keeps my skin soft and junk. (You can quote me on that.)

I was watching an interview of Brad Pitt a few months ago and he was in Africa playing with some little kids. He was very easy playing and singing and dancing with them. I am not that comfortable with children. One of my last day jobs was as a nanny/babysitter and I rarely ever got on the floor with the kid (an adorable little girl who was 3 months when I started and 15 months when I left). I was really nice to her and she loved me, but frisky and playful I'm not really. Now, when I visit my nieces, I get on the floor with them and jump around and play animal and whatever little games they want. But I'm not good (yet) at creating the games, I just try to do what they want. And they always have ideas of what they want to play.
I have always been very stiff in my body. Even when I was a kid, I didn't really do very physical things. But as I started studying acting, I realized I needed to really be more spontaneous, flexible, and comfortable in my body. So, I started to practice that.
Another thing is that I never dug "sharing" my music – just performing it. Hiding behind the prop of my guitar and a nice outfit, and preferably nice, dim lighting in a snazzy venue was my favorite way to sing.
I used to never partake of sing-alongs and just watch people enjoying themselves. If I attended a house party and someone had a guitar and asked me to sing, I would say no, because I was there to have a good time and relax, and not work or "perform". Also, I would resent the casual environment, finding it not a suitable venue for me to really do my thing. Or, I would be at a women's outdoor retreat, and at night when most people were sleeping, I'd go out by the bonfire and "perform" for the women, not just sharing my music.
But being raw vegan is making me a different kind of musician and woman. I now see my voice and my singing as a tremendous gift and if I'm asked to use it, I will. I'm not saying it will be this way forever, because my future pimp – oops, I mean "manager" (heh-heh!) may not appreciate my giving it away for free all the time.
The other night I was at a house party and people broke out the hand drums and I started singing and playing – sharing not "performing", and I wasn't even concerned whether or not the beat was kept. And later, I played hand drums with them. It was a really big step and breakthrough for me. I felt like I was one step closer to becoming an actress or actress – I had faced a fear. So, thank you, Brad Pitt! Thank you for going to the Motherland and playing with the little black children! [Letters: Cassendre Xavier Is Just Wrong, POB 30204, Philadelphia, PA 19103-8204. By the way, that's my real mailing address, so if you have some French perfume or dark chocolate lyin' around – raw, of course – the chocolate not the perfume :-)]

I noticed that I'm much less tempted to eat cooked and junk foods because I'm just not even chewing that much anymore. It's really much, much easier to get through a whole day raw when you have your bottle of smoothie to grab and chug from when you get a craving.

I went to a friend's art opening Friday night and afterwards we went to an Indian buffet. I went to the salad bar and put on my plate the following: lettuce, cucumber, several scoops of a red onion chutney thing and four slices of lime. When I got to the table, I squeezed limes on top and then mixed the whole thing up. Then I tasted it – at first it was a little bitter but then it was really good. I had two plates of that – the first salt and spices I'd had in about a week. I know some schools of thought (including cooked food macrobiotics) say that spices aren't good to eat because they're stimulants. Well, after having a fairly strong constitution until then (resisting pizza and hot chocolate), I definitely noticed a difference the day after I ate the chutney. It was very tempting to eat cooked/junk food the day after I ate the chutney. It was as if my mouth became a separate entity from the rest of me – some strange squirrelly, drugged or possessed creature I could hardly control. Whereas before, the mouth was a green smoothie, calm, controlled, and peaceful mouth. That mouth is here at the office and quietly looked on while I took the bowl of potato ships and "energy bars" that someone put here, and placed that bowl on top of the fridge so that I don't have to look at it. The chutney mouth might have had to call my coach or buddy for my first emergency support call. So avoid the salt iffn' you can. Of course I'm referring to processed white salt. If you want to know what salts are good, YouTube "David Wolfe Salt" and hear the authority speak. Or you can listen to your body, too. That's probably the best thing to do.

I used to treat my body like a worthless entity. I would just make it do what I want and ignore it the rest of the time. Eating living plants is helping me to honor my body in ways I never would've imagined before. I used to go to doctors to find out how to care for my body. Now I go to food and see what my body reaches out for. I used to figure out what I wanted when I got to the supermarket. Now I ask my body before I even make my grocery list at home. I used to either not notice, notice and ignore, and/or resent signs my body was giving me. Now I seek the signs and honor them regardless of what action is required on my part. It is really a blessing to have discovered this at this time in my life, and not later, thank goodness.

Well, I'd love to write more, but I've got only a few minutes left here and I want to print out your lovely emails to take home with me to read tonight. Thank you all so very much for your support and feedback! It helps me greatly to know that my words and/or experience are helping you.
If you're trying to go raw, you're doing a wonderful thing for yourself and for everyone who comes in contact with you!
Please stay in touch, and let's travel this oh-so-hip and essential path together. Yay!

Raw Fully,


Extremely Regular Singer & World Server in Training
Arnold's Way (Raw Vegan Cafe/Store & Support)

Get your Amethyste Rah/Cassendre Xavier guided meditation CDs and MP3 downloads at

© Copyright 2007 Cassendre Xavier aka Amethyste Rah. All rights reserved.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Green Smoothie Raw Blog – Day 9 of 90

14 Oct 2007

Hey, so did ya miss me? :-)
I made a very self-loving decision last night. I was so tired. SO tired. My head was bursting with pain, after the exhaustion of staying up all night for two days in a raw. I was freaking out. I was in bed after a very exciting day (good stress, but still stress) of new friends, possibilities, and opportunities, when I just flopped in bed for what I thought would be a 2 hour nap before I got up to go to the office to write this blog. But then I decided that I could still write a daily blog, just post it every other day, two at a time! Soon it will be much easier for me – I'll have internet at home (my wet dream is my own laptop – yeah, baby!). But for now, I'm not going to over-extend myself anymore, with my busy schedule and forcing myself to get to the office for this blog. This blog is very important, but it's not essential that it be posted daily. Just written daily. So there!

And now, for your voyeuristic needs:

11:00 drank green smoothie
12:00 Whole Foods – extra virgin raw coconut oil, raw honey
1:00 pick up extra copies of my CDs at Giovanni's Room
2:00 groceries (collards, kale, pears, bananas, dates, oranges), and quality friend time at cafe (drank a mango/pineapple/coconut sugar-free juice – yum!)
3:30 made day's smoothie batch
4:30 read & rest
8:30 phone calls (business & personal)
9:30 read
10:30 sleep

I am thrilled I got to sleep at 10:30pm last night, and awoke at 7am. I felt so much better today! Kevin Trudeau says in his book "Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You To Know About" that the body has hormones that do their thing only from 10pm-2am every night, so it's very important to get sleep during that. That was really in my mind the two days I stayed up all night. And I really want to make an effort to go to sleep closer to 10pm every night. Sometimes I worry about what kind of life that's going to be for me as a singer – but then I remember that the universe is vast and abundant – anything is possible for me. And I'm an artist. Who's to say that a gig has to start at 8 or 9pm all the time? Why not 6 o'clock? Why not a weekend at 3 in the afternoon? Prince has his concerts at midnight. You don't hear his fans complaining!

I ran into a friend today who was in something of a crisis. In the olden days, I would've jumped right into giving advice. But this time I just listened and offered compassion. I was also much less judgmental than I have been before. Also, I really appreciated just listening to her. I was actually interested in hearing all the details about her life today and her struggles. Usually I'm waiting for the person to stop talking about themselves so that I can start talking about myself – and then when I do ask about them, I'm only doing so out of politeness. I was actually surprised by my interest in, and enjoyment of, hearing about her life. It felt as if someone opened a sunny window and pushed the curtains open to let the light into a dark room. The dark room of my cold, cold, selfish, self-absorbed heart!

Upon the advice of counsel (Tyler Perry, "And just a side note, when you start to dream and see yourself in a better place, don't share it with everybody. Long ago I stopped telling people my dreams because I would always run into dream stealers--people who are so miserable and so mad at the world that all they can do is bring you bitter words of hopelessness. Stay away from these people! They are poison. I had a few people in my life like that. I had to get rid of them--and some of them were family members...), and I know most of you who read my blog are well-wishers totally in my corner, and positive people who yourselves know you can have the life of your dreams... But I must be careful what I say when it comes to my dreams, and when I say it.
I do feel comfortable saying that I believe raw plant foods are wonderful for helping you do whatever it is you want to do. Whether you want to go back to school, find your soulmate, buy a new house, start your business, take a trip to Greece, have a baby, whatever it is – going raw will be a very powerful tool in helping you get that. What I'm hoping to do is use this blog to document not only my progress and struggles in transforming my body, but also healing and improving my life. I will be sharing about what difficulties I'm dealing with – what life skill challenges, and then report the progress I've made (past tense – hence keeping the dreams secret for now – That was on a fortune cookie I had once!), as it related to raw plant foods empowering me to make and/or allow the universe to co-create those changes with me.

I'm not sure what I weigh now – last week was 192 lbs remember? Since I won't be going to Wednesday yoga & Pilates anymore at the Hell Center (heh-heh!), I have to have a new way to weigh myself. I decided that for now, I will still go to the Hell Center to weigh myself (Fridays). So this Friday I will have a new weight to report. I was getting a sore throat and figured it was because there were too many greens in my smoothie. Then I noticed I was feeling like I wasn't losing any weight, so I drastically reduced the amount of "sugar" (dates and orange juice) I was using. At first I was dreading having a much less dense and less sweet drink as a result, but then I remembered that when I was cutting down on salt starting about a year ago, it was pretty easy to do. The taste buds adjust. I'd be used to low salt and then anything with salt tasted very salty to me. So I decided the switch would be an easy one. And sure enough, I'm already used to it. It's a much lighter green smoothie. Whereas before I was using 8 collard leaves, 4 kale leaves, the juice of 8 oranges, almost an entire container of dates, and 10-15 bananas (and drinking that every day), now I'm using 4 collard leaves, 2 kale leaves, 3 pears, 1 orange, 7 dates, and 5 bananas. The result is much easier to drink and my throat isn't sore anymore. Also, I feel as if I'm losing weight again. Also, I decided that I don't want to overeat/overdrink anymore. I was using being raw vegan as an excuse to still abuse myself that way. Because when I'm raw, the weight still comes off. I can eat a bowl of 5 mangoes, feel my stomach stretching and hurting (just like I like it), and then still drop 4 lbs that week. When did that ever work with pasta?! Anyway. Something told me that force feeding was creating a high blood pressure situation, and that even if it's something healthy, the body doesn't like to be forced and it will react to let you know that.

I don't know if I'm repeating myself here, but I highly don't recommend juicing the stems of collard leaves into your smoothie. I was removing the stems because they were too tough, and I thought since they juiced well, it would be a great way to recycle them. But when I did it, it created a very bitter, nasty, taupe-colored so – called "green" smoothie. Very nasty. So don't do it! Now, I still remove the stems from my collards and kale, but I throw them away. Someday (hopefully soon), I'll be able to compost them. Composting is so hot. Man, am I a nerd!

One of the things that being raw vegan is helping me with is having the energy to take the time to structure the day I either want to create or am creating. This means I can either create a things to do list, or what I call a "Love to Do" list, or simply note what I'm doing as I'm doing it in my day. This way, at the end of the day, I can look and see exactly how I spent my time – but more importantly, I can feel good about myself because of all the things I accomplished. And, oh, yeah, I can give you guys something else to read!

One of the other things that being raw is helping me with is real collaborations. I used to look at other artists, and even work with them, and watch how they found partners to work and create with. I'd be a little envious, but moreso I would be bewildered. I wouldn't understand how they could give away so much of their power to someone else to possibly mess up their work. Also, I was really really into having only my name under all the titles of my songs/writings. I used to never buy anything unless the titles all had only one name underneath – singer-songwriter stuff anyway. But now, I'm meeting people I'm collaborating with and it feels not only perfectly naturally but comfortable. I feel as if I truly am living a dream.

Being raw vegan takes away your ego. As soon as I figure out more about that, I'll share it. But what I've noticed so far is that people who are mostly eating raw plants seem to be very humble, and very about service. I myself am noticing I'm becoming more that way. And that helps with the collaboration bit I mentioned up yonder there. If I know that I'm not that important, then maybe my name doesn't have to be the only name underneath a song title. Maybe I'm confident enough to share the limelight. Crazy, huh?

Well, here it is 10:37pm and I know I'm not going to get to bed at a so-called decent hour for my Nightly Hormones to do their thing. Progress, not perfection as Stuart Smalley said.

Until the next time,

Be good to yourself and see you tomorrow!


Raw Vegan Diva & World Server in Training
Arnold's Way (Raw Vegan Cafe/Store & Support)

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